DxD:Neo Volume 1
by Shirou Fujimura
Summary: For Ken Ichijou, everyday had become a repetition of the one before, devoid of excitement or fulfillment. That all changed the day he met Rachel Astaroth. In this story of happy-go-lucky dimwit meets would-be-noble Devil, Kuoh is about to be turned on its side and Ken's life will become a journey filled with new friends, new enemies, and romance around every corner! [Future-fic!]
1. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 0

Ken: This is dedicated to all of the people who helped work out the bugs in this story! Houki Minami, Hakai Suu, Vermillion King of Mischief, and everyone whose names will make this drag on (DRAGON) forever, you guys rock!

Time for our first Disclaimer everybody!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody. High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Please support the official release!

* * *

DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 0: The Delinquent - Ken Ichijou

"Please be my boyfriend!"

"..."

It was a sudden confession on the bridge. Ken wasn't quite sure what to say to the buxom young woman in his school's student uniform.

All he could do was stare blankly at her in response to her request.

"What?"

"I-I've been watching you for a very long time!" A chill went down Ken's spine. "A-And I've spent so much time working up the nerve to confront you!"

"Sorry, but you're not my type."

.

.

.

And that was about when the girl blasted a hole through Ken's chest.

"FUCK YOU!"

Then she flew away.

And that was the anti-climactic story of how Ken Ichijou died...

Well, technically, the story started much earlier that day...

* * *

 _Everyday had been a repetition..._

 _...Everything changed the the day he encountered that girl._

* * *

His name, as stated before, is Ken Ichijou.

He was a young and handsome (devilishly so) man with styled, eye-length brown hair with an ahoge poking out of the top. He was clothed in an outfit consisting of black blazer with white accents over a white, long-sleeved button-down shirt with vertical linings, a black ribbon on the collar, matching black pants, and brown dress shoes. He stared passively up at the sky with his hazel-brown eyes. He shoved his hands into his pockets, sighing as he looked down the alleyway.

"I'm bored. You guys are boring me."

"Uugh...huuugh..." One of the prone forms laying by his feet let out a tired groan, his head laid flat against the ground.

"I know, right? You guys didn't even put up a real fight! I mean-Oh, you're unconscious."

He let out another disappointed sigh as he nudged the prone body, receiving no response aside from a high-pitched gasp of pain.

"DIE, ICHIJOOOOOU!"

"Hm?" Ken casually flicked his wrist, smacking his knuckles against the forehead of a charging elephant-er-elephant of a teenager, sending them falling back against the ground with a dazed expression. Ken knelt down by him, staring curiously. "In hindsight, calling out your attack was probably not a smart move, my friend.-BUT, it did me a world of good," Ken reached into his shirt, pulling out a golden cross, "so God bless you, you magnificent sonnuvabitch. Mwah!" He grabbed the young man by a lock of his hair, yanked his head up, and planted a peck on his cheek. "Hm?"

The ahoge on his head twitched, causing him to turn in the direction of the six or seven other shady teens who had only moments before been promptly ass-whooped so hard that their fathers' belts would be jealous.

Ken tilted his head to the side. "Wow, you guys must put a lot of sugar in your cereal because you have way too much energy for your own good."

One of the thugs was brandishing a crowbar in a way that meant he was planning to bust more than just a door open with it. "You think you can mess with us and get away with it, trash?"

"Whoa whoa WHOA! Watch the name-calling, bud!" Ken warned, dodging the first swing of the crowbar at his head. "You don't see me doing calling you names like "Elephant Boy" or "Fat ass" or "Big, dumb, and ugly"! Oh wait! I just did! Alley-oop!" With the grace of a professional acrobat, Ken leaped at the crowbar-thug, jumping clear over his foe and driving the heels of his feet into his back, using him as a springboard to propel himself towards the rest of the group. He extended his right arm as far as it could go, managing to clothesline the closest one.

"Get'em!"

"He can't dodge if we all attack at once!"

"Bitch-slap that grin right off his stupid face!"

"Tsk tsk tsk!" Ken clicked his tongue, wagging a scolding finger as a group of three lunged at him. "Come on, you guys. Haven't you watched any cartoon or anime ever?" With a casual hop, Ken avoided the dog pile, watching, amused, as the thugs hit nothing but cold-hard ground. "Has this ever actually worked?" He grabbed the fist of another thug, wrapping his arm around theirs, yanking him close and wrapping his arm around his neck. "I wonder how much I can squeeze before you lose consciousness..."

"Gaugh-ruuugh!" The poor young man groaned, choking.

"Sounds like you're in quite a bit of pain there, bro." Ken noted, staring curiously. "How 'bout this: If you could give me one good reason why you all thought this would be a good idea, I might just let you go."

"Ugh-gaaugh!"

"See, I don't get it either." Ken sighed. "I mean, you guys always do shit like this, and I just don't understand-Oh, you're unconscious too." The thug's head drooped to the side, his mouth frothing. Ken squirmed as saliva dripped onto his sleeve, shivering as it made contact with his skin. With a complete lack of grace, Ken dropped him to the ground.

"You'd better stay right where you are, Ichijou!" One of the remaining two thugs reached into his pocket, pulling out a small pocket knife which he then proceeded to open. "If you stay put and let us beat you to a pulp, I promise not to use this!"

Ken's eyes went wide, his arms suddenly raising into the air. "Oh no! You found my weakness! Little, tiny pocket knives!" Trembling, he knelt on the ground. "I'm sorry, man! Don't use that on me!"

"Stay put and I won't!" The thug said, edging towards Ken while wielding the knife like a real rookie.

"You won't use it?"

"I won't use it..." The thug said, grabbing Ken by the back of his collar, failing to see Ken raise his fist. "Now time to beat your bitch ass-"

"Cock shot!"

The expression that appeared on the thug's face looked like a mix between "tasted something sour" and "over-surprised". His knees buckled beneath him, letting him fall face-first onto the ground.

Brushing himself off, Ken stood up from the ground. He stared down at the downed thug. "And that's why I always wear a cup!" He turned to the remaining standing thug, placing his hands on his hips with an expectant look on his face. "You know, considering everything that you just saw me do to your buddies, do you really want to do this?"

The thug considered Ken's point for a moment before shaking his head.

"Tell you what," Ken said, clapping his hands together, "this hasn't been fulfilling in the slightest, so I just don't care anymore. One day and one day only, I'm going to give you this deal: Just drop and pretend to be unconscious. Agreed?"

Another pause before the thug gave a nod. He subsequently dropped to the ground, feigning unconsciousness.

With that, Ken remained the only standing youth in that alleyway. He scanned the entire path, taking into account each of the unconscious thugs before sighing. He stretched his hands outwards, managing a huge grin.

"I'm the King of this town! All you peons bow before me!" He cocked his head back and let out an incredibly loud laugh, "Hahahahahahaha!" After ten minutes, he paused, taking a deep breath. "Hahahahahahahahahah-Bored now." He abruptly paused again, a dull expression appearing on his face. The dullness was quickly replaced by disappointment. "Man, I come walking through a shady alleyway, looking for some shady characters, and I get nothing but another disappointment in a very long line of disappointments. You guys didn't sate my "hunger" in the slightest." He raised his wrist to eye level, checking his watch. "And you guys couldn't even take up a half-hour...Maybe I should-"

RIIIIIIIING! RIIIIIIIIIIIING! RIIIIIIIIING!

Ken pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring with half-lidded eyes as he read the caller ID.

"Ah shit..." He pursed his lips, thinking deeply. "...Nah, it'll only be worse if I ignore her. May as well pick up now." He pressed the button to pick up the call...

[Where the FUCK are you!?]

"Chidori~ How lovely to hear your banshee-like shriek this fine morning~"

[Cut the attitude and tell me where you are!? I have been covering for you _all day_!]

"Oh, you know..." Ken's eyes wandered, observing the bodies laying around him. "...places."

[You've been getting into fights again, haven't you!?]

"Oh, Chidori~ Don't be ridiculous~" Ken denied merrily. "I don't _get into_ fights...I start them~"

[Are you serious!?]

"Ninety-eight percent~"

[You-wait. Ninety-eight?]

"Yep~"

[What's the other two percent?]

"Nobody knows. Not even me."

[...]

"Chidori?"

[...]

"Chidoriiiii?"

[...]

"Dummy say what!"

[What?]

"Haaa! Gotcha!"

[Oh grow up! Jesus, I can't believe _you're_ the older one!]

"Well, I am, and that's a fact you'll have to deal with forever."

[It's ONE SECOND!]

"Still, that's one second earlier than you!"

[God, I hate you!]

"You really mean love~"

[I hate your stupid face!]

Ken raised an eyebrow. "We're twins. We have the same face, ya know?"

[Ugh! Don't remind me! I had to dye my hair because of you!]

"Aw, you were just upset that I wear it better~"

[If you mean "wear it better" as in everyone kept mistaking you for me, then you got me there.]

"Oh, you're just jealous you weren't born with my charm..." He smirked evilly, "...you man-faced tomboy~"

[I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR IT AS MY BLANKET!]

"Whatever ya say, Snaggletooth~!"

There was a sharp inhalation from the other end as Chidori, Ken's twin sister, took a deep breath.

[Just get to school! You can't afford to miss any more days!]

"Awwww, but school's boriiiing!"

[You really want to explain to mom why you got held back... _again_!?]

"It was only one time in kindergarten and that was for bad behavior!" Ken defended.

[You did glue a kid's hand to his head.]

"That Tadashi jerk had it comin'!"

[He was poking you in the leg! I don't even-Ugh! Whatever! Just come to class already!]

"What if I don't want to?" Ken supposed, letting out a groan of displeasure. "School's stupid anyway."

[Then you had better learn to sleep with one eye open because, first chance I get, I'm going to castrate you in your sleep to prevent you from spreading the Stupid Gene to the next generation of our family line.]

Ken pursed his lips.

"I think I might just go to school today."

[Wise choice. I'll lend you my notes so you can catch up on what you missed.]

"Awww~ That's so nice~" Ken cheered. "You're such a nice little sister that I completely forget you're also a total sadist~"

[Idiot! If you flunk out, I'll get dragged down with you somehow...Just get to class!]

"Yes, ma'am!" Ken agreed, hanging up the call. "...Fine. I guess I'll go...How boring could class possibly be?"

* * *

"Ugaaaaauuuugh!"

Ken laid his head on his desk, half-dead from the exertion that school put on his fragile brain. He was frothing at the mouth, embraced by the cruel arms of agony. His appearance and physical state hardly went unnoticed by his classmates, the few who weren't coming in closer to examine him standing at the back of the room, whispering amongst themselves.

"Hey, is that Ken-kun? Class Rep's older brother?"

"I thought he wasn't coming to class today?"

"I guess he is."

"Is he asleep?"

"No, his eyes are open."

"I don't think he's supposed to be foaming at the mouth like that..."

"What happened to him?"

"I heard he's been getting into fights with back-alley delinquents."

"What?! Really?! The older brother of our uptight Class Rep does something like that?!"

"Yeah! Word has it that he gets into these fights for _fun_!"

"Like a thug?!"

"No, because it's some kind of weird love for fighting!"

It was at that that Ken sat upright, staring piercingly at the two girls who had been talking about him. "OK, where are you getting this information?"

One of the girls tensed at Ken's gaze, lowering her eyes. "C-Class Rep of course!"

Ken rolled his eyes. "Figures." He looked around, noting the distinct lack of people, including a certain annoying Class Rep. He looked out the window, noticing that the sun was already setting. "So class is over already?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"Woohoo!" Ken threw his arms into the air. "That means I'm _freeeee_! No more school for this handsome guy!" He suddenly tensed, looking around like a wild animal wary of its predator. "And no Chidori to be seen. Better make a break for it!"

Faster than he could say "Bye", Ken quickly stood from his seat, sprinting out the door-

-and running right into someone's clothesline technique.

"Nice try, Ken, but you're not getting out of this that easily!" He recognized her obnoxious voice anywhere. Ken raised his head, letting out a soft whine as he glimpsed her face. Her face which matched his. "You're going to sit back down in your desk and do all of the classwork you missed! I brought all of the worksheets, so sit back down before I break a ruler right up your rectum!"

The girl Ken found himself staring up at made it appear as though he was staring at himself through a gender-bending mirror. The only real difference between him and her, other than the obvious female student uniform she was wearing, was that her hair was a stark blonde color while Ken's was a darker brown color. It was almost literally like looking between night and day. If it weren't common knowledge, their classmates wouldn't have quite believed that Ken and her were brother and sister.

"You're looking especially hideous today, Chidori~" Ken said with a horribly misleading smile.

Chidori's pissed-off smile was significantly less convincing. "Well, at least I'm not flat on my ass, now am I?"

"Touche!" Ken let out a slight grunt of exertion before pushing himself back onto his feet. "Now, if you'll excuse me-Ugah!" Chidori grabbed the back of his collar the moment he tried to run, choking him with great force.

"Oh no you don't!" Before Ken could further protest, Chidori dragged him back into the classroom, forcing him back down into his seat despite his three attempts afterwards to make a break for it. The last time, she quite literally smacked him right in the center of his face. Once she was satisfied that he wasn't going anywhere, Chidori reached into her backpack and pulled out a thick stack of forms. "You are going to sit there and work! You're going to fail if you don't keep up with your work, idiot!"

"Ugh! Why do you even caaaare?" Ken complained. "We're just going to end up getting working-class jobs and work until the day we die anyway. What's even the point?"

"Morbid, fatalistic ideology aside," Chidori said, the sudden hopeless aura surrounding Ken putting chills down her spine, "the point is to get through school." She crossed her arms over her chest, exerting a massive oppressive aura over her brother. "You can do whatever the Hell you want after you graduate, but until then you're going to work your ass off and pass every grade, you got that? I don't give a damn what you do afterwards."

"Ugh!"

"Don't you "Ugh" me!"

Obviously, Ken took that as a challenge.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGH!"

Chidori's eye twitched, the malice in her wide smile increasing exponentially over time. "With what a brat you are, it's really hard to believe you're my older brother." She said through grit teeth.

"With such a rough face, it's hard to believe that you're a woman." His taunt was met by a heavy blow to the back of his head, knocking his head so hard into the desktop that it cracked slightly. "Owie! What was that for!?"

"I really can't stand you sometimes!" Chidori growled. After a few moments, she let out a sigh, unclenching her fists at her sides. "I don't really get it. You're not stupid, Ken. You got into Kuoh Academy with one of the highest scores, one of the Top Ten! I don't understand why you suddenly stopped caring and let your grades drop so much."

"Because I thought this place would be fun." There was no hint of humor in Ken's voice that time. No hostility or fulfillment. Only emptiness and an expression of displeasure on his face. He kicked up his feet and rested his legs on his desk, right on top of the papers Chidori had brought for him. "It was such a prestigious school and Mom and Dad were both excited to see us enter, but, after I got in here, I just don't get it." He glanced around, noting the various pockets of students in the corners of the classroom or gathered in the hall. "This place feels like every other school only the tuition is significantly higher than normal. Everything is the same. Dull, boring. The school, the clubs, even the chicks." He scanned the room again. "I mean, with such a high-class school, I expected at least a lot of fine ladies. All of them are easily eight out of ten, an impressive feat for every girl in this school-"

"Are you saying you came here just to pick up girls, you moron!?" Chidori screeched, her face turning red.

"-but," Ken continued, ignoring Chidori's interruption, "even the girls feel the same. There's no sense of adventure. No freedom to be had in this place. This town is just as bad, even the so-called delinquents being absolute trash compared to the ones where we used to live. Overall, it's just all so boring."

Chidori stared at Ken, deadpan. "You know, your words may have held some water if you actually spent more than an hour a day at school and not spending the rest of your time skipping or trying to escape." She looked down at him, hands on her hips. "You could try meeting new people, but all you actually do is go out seeking fights, food, and drama and not necessarily in that order..." She paused. "Actually, that order seems pretty correct. You should try meeting someone new. Join a club, you know? That's a good way to meet new people, get to know your classmates."

"I don't _want_ to get to know my classmates." Ken whined, leaning so far back in his chair, it looked as though he was about to fall off. He pouted. "They're all so boring!"

Little did he know, the girls sprinting down the hall were the omen of the way his life would begin to change.

[It's theeeem!]

[Oh my God! Everyone look!]

[Where's my camera!? My camera!?]

"Huh?" Ken sat upright in his desk, staring curiously as several more students followed after them. "Where's the fire?"

Chidori checked her watch, realization appearing on her face. "Oh, we wasted so much time that it's about time for the Night-Course students to arrive."

"Night-Course students?" Ken in-toned.

It was interesting to see the student body filled with so much life, different from their normally average behavior.

Chidori sighed, shaking her head. "You never stay at school beyond the final bell, so I guess you wouldn't know much about the Night-Course." She said condescendingly. "Which further adds to my point that you would be a lot more in the loop concerning these types of things."

Ken stared with half-lidded eyes. "If you aren't going to tell me, I'm just going to ask someone else."

"Fine!" Chidori snapped. "The Night-Course are a special group of students, considered the elite of Kuoh Academy! Special enough that they have their own designated period to attend school during their first years."

"Only during their first years?"

"Yeah. Apparently a lo of them come from high-class backgrounds, so they need to take special classes in the Night-Course in order to normalize or something like that." Chidori explained. "At least, that's what I've heard."

"You mean you don't even know?"

"Nobody does." Chidori answered. "Like I said, the Night-Course is pretty exclusive and the students who are a part of it are renowned as a result of its mysterious nature. If the teachers know what's going on there, they keep their mouths shut pretty tight. The only reason Day-Course students like us know about them at all is because we see them when they come in."

"What happens after their first years?"

"Not sure." Chidori admitted yet again. "I mean, we all assume they just become part of the normal student body, so I guess people just lose interest after that and focus on the new Night-Course students coming in."

"Wait, so does that mean we have to vacate the school buildings for these high-class snobs?" Ken asked, getting up from his seat.

"Not exactly. They have reserved classrooms for the Night-Course students so as to prevent the Day-Course students from interfering with their studies while also preventing the Night-Course students' activities from interfering with the normal school life of the Day-Course students." However, Chidori quickly waved that thought off. "Although the attempts at secrecy and separate classes hardly means anything when our classmates always gather around them anyway. It's their special nature that causes such a stir...not to mention I heard they all look pretty good."

"Pretty good is pretty vague." Ken pointed out.

"Pretty good by the average female student's standards."

It was then that Ken's eyes widened in shock. "Whoa!" He quickly ran over to the window. "I wonder how impressive these Night-Course guys are!" He grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Maybe one of them is a really strong guy or a fun-looking chick! Ooh! Or maybe one of them's actually a 5-Star Chef! I'm so curious!"

"...Yeah, those would be the things you would focus on." Chidori said, deadpan as she watched the sudden increase in her brother's excitement.

However, Ken was too focused on the commotion outside to think up a proper retort to his sister's comment.

It was like the crowd was expecting royalty, parting like the Red Sea so as to create the perfect path from the front gate to the entrance to the main school building. Ken poked his head out the window, squinting so as to get a better look as to the source of the commotion.

And that was when _they_ arrived.

Their uniforms bore many similarities to the normal Kuoh Academy student uniform, but Ken, even from his position, took notice of the white armbands that appeared on each and every single one of their arms. He couldn't make out the writing as he didn't have hawk eyes, but he was certain that those arm bands were the distinguishing traits of the Night-Course students.

At first, he was underwhelmed.

The students who passed through the gate looked good and appeared to be from fairly rich backgrounds, men and women alike fawning over them as they passed through the neat path, but Ken himself was completely and utterly bored by them.

He laid his head on the window sill, peering out at them with significantly less interest than when he had started.

And that was when _she_ first appeared in his life.

She was the fourth-to-last person to pass through the entrance gate, her size so small that Ken would have mistaken her for a middle school student than a high school student. Pale skin, long blond hair tied into two pigtails with dark green ribbons, and piercing red eyes that sent chills down his spine. Hers was an appearance that sharply differed from the norm when it came to girls. Even then, Ken could tell there was something else about her that was different, something that didn't stick out as much. Something he couldn't figure out at first...

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get her out of his head.

Ken stared attentively, sighing dreamily.

"I think I'm in love."

"Oh no you don't!" Chidori screamed, desperately trying to drag Ken away from the window, her brother not moving even a single inch. "It's bad enough you're going to pass your stupidity onto a child someday, but I'm not letting you drag down some noble line or whatever too!"

However, that was when something else caught Ken's eyes.

"Huh?"

As he stared at the young girl with the flawless pale skin, he saw it. The glint in her eyes. Even from a distance, he could tell it had been there. Her eyes had shifted for just a moment in his direction. At first, he thought that he had perhaps been being an optimist, not realizing how much such a simple gesture had meant then.

But he could swear she had looked straight at him.

"Hey, Chidori," He turned to his sister, "do you know who that girl is?"

"Huh?" Chidori paused, noticing her brother's sudden interest. "Who?" She peered out the window, trying to follow the line of sight from her brother's eyes to his target. She pointed. "Her?"

Ken followed the line from her finger to the target, a young girl with long, dark blue hair that reaches down to the backs of her knees, with two bangs that cover both her eyes, wearing a light purple bandanna with a white diamond-shaped patch on it, as well as black boots in addition to her normal school uniform.

That was when Ken noticed something particular about her as well...

Although the feeling he got from her was far less pleasant...

He couldn't quite figure out what it was, but just by looking at her, he got chills.

Her gestures were significantly less subtle than the other girls. When she turned, she turned her entire head directly in Ken's direction.

There was no doubt that _that_ girl had been looking at him. And she was _smiling_.

"Wow, it almost looks like she's staring right up at us, huh?" Chidori noted. "I don't know her name though. I didn't even know she was your type."

Ken shook his head, pulling Chidori out of the light of sight as his protective instincts started to flare. "No, not _her_. _Her_!" Again, Ken pointed and, that time, Chidori successfully pinpointed his target, the pale-skinned girl with green ribbons.

"Oh! That's Rachel Astarotte." Chidori explained. "Even among the reclusive Night-Course students, she is among the most renown as well as one of the most popular due to her cold demeanor and stoic nature."

"I don't get it. Are they masochists?"

"Some of them."

"Ah."

"But mostly, they're just impressed. Even though the Night-Course students are taught separately from us, their scores are on the same scale as ours and her scores are always at the top of the list." Ken looked back out the window, staring at the pale-skinned beauty in wonder, a part of him hoping she would look at him again. "On top of that, I heard that she's actually a lot more humble than the other Night-Course students who don't even bat an eye at us commoners and, word has it from a trustworthy source that she once helped a classmate of ours escape financial debt to the mob."

"That sounds fun but highly unlikely." Ken sighed. "Our town isn't nearly interesting enough to have a group like the mob hanging around."

"True or not, that's what the rumors say anyway."

"So everything you've told me so far is just speculation of the masses?"

"That's right."

"..." Ken peered out the window, once again captivated by the girl. "...I'm gonna go say hi to her." He hopped up onto the window sill.

"Wait, what?!"

Before Chidori could object, Ken hopped right out the window for a two-story drop. The moment he hit the ground in a crouch, he stood right up and broke out into a sprint, ignoring Chidori as her head popped out the window.

"KEN, YOU GET BACK HERE!"

"Nooooooo!" was his clever response.

He was too curious to just let things alone. There was something special about Rachel Astarotte that got his heart beating erratically in a way unrelated to fight-induced adrenaline for once.

"'Scuse me! Pardon me! Comin' through!"

He pushed and shoved through the crowd, trying to make it past the "barrier" formed by the student body.

"Oh! Sorry, miss! How's it goin'? Yeah-just gonna squeeeeeze through here!"

He popped his arm out, pushing and shoving until he finally found his upper body on the other side of the "barrier". It was only when it came to moving his lower body that things got complicated.

Whether it was deliberate or an accident, Ken's foot tripped over someone else's, causing him to put all of his body weight forward as he flung himself through the air, tumbling across the ground for several feet until he came to a screeching halt face-down on the concrete floor. He let out a soft cry as the cement-paved ground scraped parts of his face off.

"Ow...I think I almost busted my skull open." He let out another soft groan before pushing himself up. "...Survive hundreds of street fights only to be taken out by gravity. That would have made an embarrassing tombstone." It was as he sat upright, rubbing the new bruises on his face, that he realized the atmosphere had changed drastically. "Huh? Did I say something wrong? Everyone's gone quiet." On top of that, Ken noticed that there were more than a few pointed glares in his direction. "Wow, some of these guys look pretty pissed."

That was when the small shadow came to hover over him.

" _Can I help you?_ "

"Hm?

Ken looked up, noting the blood-red eyes which seemed so much sharper up close. He blinked, trying to ignore the sunlight that blinded his eyes, slowly beginning to fully recognize the face of the girl he had very recently observed from afar...

"Rachel Astarotte..." Ken said, her presence more awing up close.

"That is correct." The girl responded, staring expectantly at him with arms crossed. "Would I be right in assuming you have some business with me?"

"Uhhh..." Ken just stared for several moments before nodding quickly. He rocked back and forth a few times before leaping back to his feet. He smiled brightly, grasping Rachel's hands. "I don't know why, but I just really want to be friends with you, Rachel-chan!"

"Huh?" His sudden declaration clearly caught the first year girl by surprise.

"My name's Ken Ichijou! It's nice to meetcha!"

For a while, the air itself stood still. But it wasn't a pleasant peace.

More like the calm before the storm.

[HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!?]

"HOW DARE YOU!?" Ken was too dazed by Rachel's presence to properly react to the fierce kick that struck him square in the jaw. It was a third year girl, one whom Ken could never recall ever meeting who had struck him. As soon as she broke the silence, the rest of the mob took that as an opportunity to express their outrage all the same. They all started to gather around Ken, kicking and punching whatever parts of his body were exposed.

"H-Hold up a sec!"

"You worthless piece of garbage!"

"How dare you speak to Rachel-sama!?"

"Someone like you cannot be allowed to be friends with her!"

"What makes you think a lowly delinquent like you deserves to speak with one of the amazing top Night-Course students!?"

"Show some respect!"

About halfway through, Ken got bored with the whole one-sided beating, so he curled up into a ball to reduce the surfaces on his body that could be struck. He had been struck by worse blows and this group was by far the most amateurish one to have ever inflicted injury on him by far. He didn't even feel compelled to wince. Tripping and falling appeared to have hurt him more than any of the pathetic injuries this untrained mob ever could have hoped to inflict upon his body.

"As expected, these people are all so boring..." Ken muttered to himself, so quietly that none of the people around him could have possibly heard him.

All he could do was wait until they had all vented their frustrations upon him...

" _Stop that this instant_!"

Just like that, the mob froze, turning to face the young lady who had addressed them.

"If anyone's going to beat up my brother, it's going to be me, you got that!?" Chidori snapped, her piercing, angry eyes causing every single one of them to hesitate in their actions. "Seriously!"

"Huh?"

"Isn't that Class 2-B's Representative?"

"Oh yeah! This guy's Ken Ichijou, her brother!"

"The Demon Rep's brother?!"

Chidori glared daggers at them. "What kind of neanderthals must you all be to gang up on one single nitwit just because he spouts the type of stupidity you all should already expect?!" She asked. "Unless you want me to call the staff to take every single one of your names and suspend you all, I suggest you cease all of your actions and disperse immediately!"

In any other situation, if it had been any other person who had dared to suggest such an action in response to someone speaking to their "Rachel-sama", they would not only have ignored the order, but they also would have turned their mob violence on that foolish individual.

Unfortunately for them, in that particular situation, they were dealing with Class 2-B's "Demon Rep", a woman feared for her vicious attitude and merciless nature in response to rules violations. Rumor had it that she intended to run for Student Council President next election and they all feared how much scarier she would become should she end up winning.

"Huh? What are you doing here, Chidori?" Ken asked, scratching his cheek as he casually sat up from the ground.

Chidori narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm saving your butt right now."

"Appreciated, but unnecessary." Ken said casually, gesturing to the mob. "These knuckleheads couldn't put a dent in me even if they had cinder blocks tied to their shoes and knuckles."

It was that comment that drove one of the more hot-headed mob members, a rather large second-year student, to return to action, grabbing Ken by his collar. "What'd you say, punk!?" He snapped. "You're lucky I don't break your face right now! By the time I was done with you, you would be feelin' nothin' but pain for the rest of your life!"

"That or incredible disappointment." Ken taunted, smiling mischievously. "But go ahead: Flip that coin~"

"Why you-!?"

"That's enough!" The young man had barely brought his fist halfway back before another voice, that of Rachel Astarotte, cut into their conversation. Her expression was calm and passive, but there was a hint of tension. Even if she retained a civil expression and tone, one could tell she wasn't pleased. "I don't wish to see another one of you raise your hand to this boy." She turned her gaze on the mob, making sure each and every one of them was able to look into her eyes. She gestured to Ken with a sway of her hand. "What could have possibly have driven you all to do something like this?"

The second-year student trembled before Rachel's gaze, quickly releasing Ken, letting him drop back down to the ground. "S-Sorry! But you Night-Course students are so cool and we can't stand the thought of a guy like this trying to act so buddy-buddy!" He bowed his head. "None of us meant to upset you, ma'am!"

"You say you didn't wish to upset me," Rachel repeated, "and yet you deigned to believe you were acting in my best interests by assaulting one of your own classmates? In what way did I indicate that I wished for any of you to do anything like that? You bring shame not only upon yourselves but me as well when you use my name as a justification for your actions." Even though her tone was perfectly level, she spoke in a way that drove every single person who had struck Ken even once to cower in shame. "If you wish to retain even a shred of your pride, I suggest you all leave immediately. I truly must be heading to class after all."

[Y-Yes, Rachel-sama!]

They were like faithful dogs following the orders of their master. At Rachel's words, the mob that had once been filled with such a sudden anger quickly defused and scattered. Some went home, others went to go take part in club activities, and the remaining Day-Course students just scattered across campus, trying to find something to occupy their time.

Ken watched with disinterest, picking himself off the ground and brushing himself off. "Well that was a dull spectacle-UGH!" He was cut off by a swift blow to the back of his head by a heavy-handed chop.

"Quiet you!" Chidori snapped, turning her angry gaze on Ken as he tried to push the new knot that had formed on his head back into his skull. "You're the reason all of this happened! First off: Really!? You had to jump out a window to get down here!?"

"It was faster, not to mention more fun, than taking the stairs." Ken explained, scratching the back of his head. "I mean-UGH!" Chidori chopped him on the head again.

"Second: Don't you realize this whole situation is your fault to begin with!?"

"Me!? What did I do!?" Ken asked, looking innocent with tears welling in the corners of his eyes.

"You're the one who stirred the students into a frenzy and caused trouble for Astarotte-san!"

"All I did was say "Hi"!"

"You addressed her in front of the entirety of the group that idolized her!" Chidori screamed, again chopping Ken on the head. "If you read any manga ever, you would know that people don't like others messing with their school idols!" She suddenly gripped the sides of Ken's face, pinching and pulling them tightly. "NOW APOLOGIZE!"

"You can rip my face off, but I'm not gonna apologize for something I didn't do!"

"Then maybe I'll go ahead and do just that!" Chidori replied with a demonic smile. "That way I don't have to see that stupid smile of yours again!"

In response, Ken reached out and grabbed her face as well. "If that's the case, then I'll rip off your man-ish face too! Then we'll be even!"

"Not if I get yours first!"

"Nuh uh! I'm gonna get yours first!"

"No, me!"

"No, me!"

"No, me!"

"No, _me_!"

The twins glared at one another, their stare-down clearly indicating that the one whose will was weakest would be the one to lose in such a situation.

"Ufufufu~" And all that tension was shattered just by some measly laughter. "Ufufufu~" It was by that point that both Ken and Chidori turned to the source of the laughter, Rachel, who was poorly concealing it by covering her mouth with the back of her hand. "You truly are an amusing person, boy." In sharp contrast to her previously cold and serious tone, the words Rachel used to speak to Ken were so warm and familiar. She walked towards him, something about the way she was moving signalling Chidori to release him for the time being. "Interesting..."

"Um...thanks?" He felt beads of sweat forming around his face when Rachel suddenly leaned in closer, appearing as though she was examining Ken for something, her face so close that it was hard for Ken not to stare at her tauntingly close, soft-looking lips. "Um...you know "personal space" is a thing, right?"

"Hmmm..." For a few seconds, Rachel hummed, clearly deep in thought with the smallest of smiles forming on her face. "I see."

"Hey, now!" Before the "examination" could continue any further, Chidori suddenly grabbed the back of Ken's collar, moving him away. "What do you think you're doing with my brother?! I appreciate that this moron caused you a bit of trouble-"

"I still don't get what I did!"

Chidori kicked him in the side before continuing, "-but that doesn't give you the right to try getting all weird with him!"

""Weird with him"?" Rachel parroted, smiling softly on her face. "Oh, I apologize. I had no wish to intrude within your territory. I was just taking notice of what an interesting person he is."

Ken scratched his cheek. "Uh...thanks, I think."

"Hey, boy," Even Ken was surprised by the way of how Rachel continued addressing him directly, "what's your name?"

"Me?" Ken looked around, trying to make sure there was no rabid fanboy that the girl could have possibly been referring to. He smiled. "My name's Ken Ichijou! This gorilla of a girl is my baby sister, Chidori Ichijou~!-Aguugh!"

"Who the Hell-" With a swing of her foot, Chidori swept Ken's legs out from underneath him, "-are you callin' a "gorilla"!?" Ken fell face-first onto the ground. "And don't even get me started on that "baby" comment! YOU'RE ONE SECOND OLDER!"

"I'm still older and that will always make you a baby compared to me~" His taunt received the response of a kick to the back of the head. "Ouchies!"

"So, Ken Ichijou..." Rachel looked as though she was pondering the meaning of his name itself. She was still smiling, but something about it felt a bit more knowing than it had been before. "I accept your request to be your friend."

It was that statement that moved Ken to sit completely upright, staring at Rachel in complete shock. "Really!?" His eyes were sparkling in awe and wonder.

"Really?" Chidori parroted, sounding more surprised and disbelieving.

"That's right." Rachel confirmed, offering her hand to Ken. "You could be of some use to me in the near future, so I wouldn't mind becoming friends with you right now."

Ken eyed Rachel's hand with a surprising level of suspicion for a moment before taking it, pulling himself up. "Well, that's an ominous way to put it, but as long as you're not trying to push me into drugs or some other illegal shit-storm, I don't mind too much."

"What?!" Chidori interjected. "How can you not be weirded-out by this chick after she said something so clearly suspicious!?"

"Well, she stood up for me," Ken pointed out, "so I don't think she's that suspicious."

"That was me who stood up for you first, idiot..." Chidori mumbled under her breath.

"I have no wish to disrupt your normal life right now, so just being comrades is good enough." Rachel said. However, her expression felt, the smaller girl using a disturbingly fierce grip to pull Ken forward, whispering in his ear, "However, you had best be wary from now on.

"Hm?" Ken raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips.

"You revealed yourself as an open target earlier to someone who has a very hard time taking no for an answer, so, even if you tried, I doubt you can keep the facade of normalcy for much longer. Fate itself is against you now." Rachel whispered. "I can tell the type of person you are from how you behaved earlier."

"Oh?" A hint of curiosity appeared on Ken's face as he listened more intently to Rachel.

Even if he couldn't see her, he could sense the amused smirk that appeared on her face. "You're a good boy with a kind heart, yet you crave danger and excitement out of fear of falling into the dull monotony of normal life. I noticed it back when you taunted that second-year boy." She said. "You wanted him to pick a fight with you. Even though you knew there would be no fulfillment from it by the end, you wanted that momentary rush. I can tell just by looking at you that you would destroy the whole world and kill everyone if it meant filling that bottomless hole."

"I think you've been watching too much anime." Ken grabbed Rachel's shoulder, his fingers twitching slightly. "If you think I'm that fucked up in the head, then you really don't know a damned thing. Like I would trade the whole world and everyone I know just for a small rush like that."

"You likely wouldn't succeed, but, as you come closer to the end of your life, you won't be nearly as hesitant as you are now." Just hearing those words irritated Ken in a way he didn't realize he could be irritated in. "Don't get me wrong. I am well-aware you are not evil. Just an existence like me who wishes to fill that certain hole in yourself~"

"That sounds suggestive." Ken noted, unable to fight the desire to crack jokes.

"And that's what I find remarkable, a normal person like you with such powerful desire on top of this power you have." Ken could sense something change about Rachel then. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was definitely different from the polite, modest girl whom he had met moments ago. "So, in exchange for this friendship of yours, I promise that, when the time comes and and everything is over, I will return for you. I will show you the path to your Paradise, the path that will fill that emptiness. I will free you from that cage of internal madness within which you suffer."

"OK! That's enough!" Chidori shoved Rachel away, dragging Ken back away from her. Chidori stood between the two of them, Chidori looking like a lioness about to dig her claws into a threat to her cub. "Keep your creepy, weird hands away from my brother, you got it!?"

Rachel shrugged off Chidori's warning. "I was only trying to give him a helping hand."

"Well, he doesn't need any of your help!" Chidori snapped, putting her arms between Ken and Rachel. "He doesn't need someone like you dragging him into trouble! You have no right to do something like that!"

The way Rachel looked at Chidori...it wasn't amusement or hate. "I apologize." It was pity. "I meant no offense." She reached into her pocket and drew out a slip of paper. "Ichijou-kun, take this."

Before Ken could even question it, he instinctively reached out and grasped the paper, turning it over and examining what was written on it. There was a symbol that Ken could not recognize drawn upon it in green. There were words written below it that said "Your dream will be granted!".

"Keep that with you at all times for the near future." Rachel commanded cryptically.

"Oh gee thanks!" Ken said cheerfully. "I've always wanted a weird fortune slip with weird drawings on it! How'd you know~?"

"Think of it what you wish, but make no mistake: You will deeply regret it if you do not keep it on your person at all times."

"Is that some kind of threat!?" Chidori asked.

"No," Rachel shook her head, "only a warning. Until we meet again, Ichijou-kun." She exchanged looks with Chidori, giving her a nod. "Senpai."

And so ended the first of what Ken did not know would be many meetings with Rachel.

"Geez..." Chidori crossed her arms. "I used to think that the Night-Course students might have been kind of cool, but after meeting that chick, I think they might just be a group of nutjobs, ya know?"

"..."

"Ken?"

"She's a dangerous girl..." Ken noted. "...I think I've totally fallen for her." Even though he said another one of the ridiculous things one would have expected of him, Chidori noticed something was different.

"Hey, Ken?"

"Hm?"

"You're not going to like...get involved with her, are you?"

"In what regard?"

"..."

"Chidori?" His sister turned away from him, refusing to look at him.

"Ken." She held her hands in front of her, grasping her wrist tightly. "I don't trust her. I don't trust that girl." Chidori looked back at Ken, a dead-serious look in her eye. "Promise me you won't get involved with her!"

"Huh?" Ken raised an eyebrow at Chidori's command.

"...There's something about her..." Chidori bit her lower lip. "Like you said, she feels _dangerous_. There's just this terrible feeling in my chest..." She sighed, staring sadly. Even if it was faint in the fading sunlight, Ken could still see her eyes watering. "I just know that, if you get involved with her, something bad's going to happen. I don't know really what it is about her, but I feel like, if you get involved with her...you're just going to end up going away." Chidori was the first to notice the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She used her sleeves to brush them away. "I know it's stupid that I'm feeling this way, getting all emotional over something stupid like this, but when she started talking to you all secretly, I just feel like I need to protect you somehow..."

Ken just stared blankly, pursing his lips. "Dummy." He tapped his knuckles softly against her forehead. "I'm the older one, you know. If anyone's doing the protecting, it should be me. And as long as my gorilla of a baby sister is around needing my protection, I'll never be able to rest. I mean, not unless every other male on the Earth is suddenly wiped out...and every girl too...Fuck it. Everything. Men, women, dogs, cats, bears, all of them. Since that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon, I don't see any reason why I'd be able to leave you alone." He patted her on the head. "Besides, if I even tried to leave you behind, you would hunt me down and kill me~! Hehehehe~!"

Chidori sighed, but a small smile formed on her lips. "You really are the biggest idiot I know."

"Heehee~" He smiled like a mischievous cat would. "How about this? I know you have some official after school activities to get done, so I'll order us out some Chinese for when you get back!"

"OK." Chidori nodded. "Just no fortune cookies. After that shady stuff that Rachel was talking about, I'm not really in the mood for something like that."

"Deal!" Ken stretched his arms before crossing them behind his head. "I'll be waiting at home for you when you get back, Snaggletooth!"

"Whatever you say, you idiot!"

Little did they know, this would be the last normal farewell they shared in their normal lives...

* * *

Ken shoved his hands into his pockets, watching as the sun slowly sunk over the horizon like a giant rock would into the ocean.

"I wonder what I should order..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Let's see, Mom and Dad are probably going to be at work tonight, so I can't count on allowance, so..." He counted the small number of bills sitting in his wallet.

It was when he was walking over the bridge, the same one he always crossed on his way home, that he had his fateful encounter.

He was so wrapped up in his own personal thoughts that he bumped into the sole figure standing in the middle, the sudden jarring sensation causing Ken to drop his entire wallet onto the ground, scattering his money.

"Ah shit!" Ken instinctively reached down to pick, his money up before quickly turning back to the person he had bumped into, bowing his head. "I'm really sorry 'bout that!" Before he could so much as glance at the person, he immediately returned his attention to retrieving his scattered money so as to prevent his wallet from "going hungry" as he would put it.

"Don't worry. I really don't mind."

It was only then that chills started to go down Ken's spine. It was different from how it was with Rachel...this was definitely a true sense of danger he was experiencing. This danger, he recognized it...

He raised his head, turning to face the person he had bumped into, his eyes going wide. It was the girl he had seen earlier, the one with the abnormally long blue hair that covered her eyes.

"O-Oh! You remember me?" She asked, shuffling like a shy schoolgirl in the face of Ken's attention. "I-I'm sorry. I noticed you staring at me earlier, but I was afraid I may have frightened you. I also see that I startled you just now, so I'm also sorry for that."

"Oh...it's alright." Ken blinked, completely surprised by how...normal this girl was. Not in a bad way. She was actually rather polite...Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. "Um...So, have we...uh...met?"

The blue-haired girl shook her head. "Not really, no." She twiddled her fingers nervously. "I just...I've admired you for a long time from afar."

 _"What?"_ Ken wondered to himself.

"No matter how hard I tried, I could never get you out of my mind, not since the first moment I saw you." She said, closing the distance between Ken and herself by an alarming amount. "You were always so cool~ Someone I found truly amazing~ You're truly an interesting person among us Night-Course students. Even Ms. Rachel is interested in you!"

"Wow, I didn't know I was so popular." Ken grinned. "I bet I could get a smokin' hot girlfriend pretty easily if I just went and switched to the Night-Course~!"

"Yeah, I suppose." For some reason, Ken detected significantly less humor in her voice with just those three words. He should have listened to the alarm bells ringing in his mind then. "You feel like a rare existence...Something I just don't want anyone else to have, especially that Rachel. Thinking she's so great just because of her family even though their name is already trash..." She bit her lower lip, an aura of aggression glimmering around her for a moment before fading. She turned back to Ken, smiling deeply with a genuine look of admiration on her face. "And after I saw you two looking at each other earlier, I decided I didn't want to lose my chance...So, Ken-kun, can I make a request of you? I wanted to wait until Chidori-chan left because I was a little nervous about speaking to you with her around. For the past few days, you two have been walking home a lot, so it was especially hard..."

"Ken-kun? Chidori-chan?" Ken froze. He knew for a fact he never gave this girl either of their names. Chidori was a little famous, but nobody actually knew his name. He was always just "Chidori's brother" or "the Demon Class Rep's older brother". He wasn't normally mentioned by name, so there was no real way that this girl could have known him. Even if she did, there was no way she could have known he'd be alone away from Chidori unless she had been watching him! No matter how Ken considered it, this girl was dangerous. A _bad_ kind of dangerous. "Go ahead I guess...What is it you want to ask me?"

"Please be my boyfriend!"

"..."

It was a sudden confession on the bridge. Ken wasn't quite sure what to say to the buxom young woman in his school's student uniform.

All he could do was stare blankly at her in response to her request which had been made so bluntly without any kind of serious build-up, ominous or otherwise.

"What?"

"I-I've been watching you for a very long time!" A chill went down Ken's spine. "A-And I've spent so much time working up the nerve to confront you!"

This was the worst possible situation for Ken...He knew that, no matter what, he couldn't afford to screw up there...

"Sorry, but you're not my type."

Even he realized that his own words were stupid.

For a moment, he was hopeful. The blue-haired girl didn't react. She just continued staring blankly like a statue.

He prayed to whatever God that would listen to just keep the blue-haired girl calm like that. With the tension in the air, Ken knew what dangerous thing could have happened. He thought back to Chidori, whom he had promised to protect. Gods seemed like the sort who would look fondly on a promise like that. He had hoped that they would protect him from any danger the blue-haired girl posed.

One second passed.

Then two.

And that was about when the girl blasted a hole through Ken's chest.

"FUCK YOU!"

Then she flew away.

Ken couldn't even believe it at first. The girl actually _flew_ away. Not in a plane or a helicopter, but with wings. A pair of wings that was an odd pair...one wing was smooth and black, like a bats, while the other was black and feathery, like a crow's...the blue-haired girl had actually sprouted actual wings.

He also couldn't believe that he had actually just been blasted through the chest by a laser beam. Scratch out two things from the list of things he never thought would happen in his lifetime.

A few seconds was the most that he had to ponder these things because the pain of said wound hit him with the force of a speeding bus. Blood spewed from his open wound that was formed in the area where his lungs had probably been before...along with most of his other organs. He was paralyzed by pain, unable to fight gravity's cruel, fierce grip as it dragged him to the cold, hard ground.

The sensation of vertigo was hardly helping the pain. Every time he tried to focus his eyes on anything, his head started to hurt (although that could have just been the countless blows he had received to the head that day coming back to haunt him).

Before long, his entire front side was stained in his own blood, much of it dripping down his sides and pooling up around him.

 _"This is easily...the third worst pain I've ever felt..."_ Ken thought to himself.

He tried to focus his thoughts, give himself something to focus on to keep himself from losing consciousness. As long as he remained conscious, there was hope.

 _"I can't die..."_ Ken thought. _"I can't die in such a meaningless way!"_

It was possibly one of his worst fears. A dull life met by a dull death fraught with nothing but pain and emptiness. Not a single thing he had done up to that point had held any purpose. He would leave nothing behind but a few fading memories of trading blows and insults and the one single name belonging to the unfulfilled boy, Ken Ichijou.

He was born to two boring parents alongside a much less boring, ambitious twin sister. If he had to be honest, as he recounted his life up to this point, this was probably the only true excitement he ever had.

A little pathetic when he thought about it...

No matter how much he hoped for the contrary, Ken knew that this was the end.

 _"Damn...Chidori's gonna kill me."_ If he had had the lung capacity (or lungs at all), he would have laughed at that. _"And don't even get me started on Mom and Dad...Geez. Even to the bitter end, I'm causin' trouble...I guess that's fitting in a way..."_

Then there was a shining, bright light and, for a moment, Ken thought he had already died and it was the light of Heaven calling him to ascend...

Then the light faded, restoring the twilight that had once been there before...but he wasn't alone.

He heard footsteps. Even if the rest of his senses were starting to go, he could still hear...

There were voices...

"That Arianna, stirring up trouble again..."

"Hey, don't go jumping to conclusion-"

"He has a fucking hole blasted through his torso and was left to rot! Who else but that sick, yandere fuck does stuff like that?! This is the fourth time this month!"

"Prez, I thought you told her to cut that shit out!?"

"I had thought she had learned her lesson, but it appears I was wrong. I apologize."

"Maybe you should apologize to the corpse laying on the ground..."

"Who cares? He's just another human. They breed like monkeys, so one more dead won't matter."

"Hey! Don't disregard the value of life!"

"What? I'm just saying what's on all of our minds. Why should we care about this stupid human?"

"That _human_ is a student like you and I. I won't be able to let Arianna's actions slide this time."

"So, what? We just leave this fuckin' corpse laying here?"

"No...the rules are clear. We can't leave any sign that could expose our students. Shin, bring him."

"Ugh...Fine!"

Ken felt a sense of weightlessness before a sharp pain jabbing into his stomach wound...He had been thrown over someone's shoulder.

They were going to dispose of his body, the worst possible situation. Chidori, his parents, nobody would even know he was dead at all which was ten times worse.

He had to...He had to escape...to do something...

"But I call dibs on the stuff in his pockets. Regulations be damned."

He struggled to find the strength to move, unable to even see where he was...

"H-Holy shit! Hinako, don't touch my ass when I'm carrying a corpse!"

"Sorry, hun~ Wasn't me this time~ Looks like our friend isn't quite as dead as we thought~"

"Huh...?" A pause. "Uraaugh!"

Ken felt the urge to cry as his body was haphazardly dropped against the ground.

"...So even now, he struggles to live...Pity."

"You can save your pity for his funeral, Prez. Let's just focus on getting him out of here..."

"Not so fast! Before I pick that guy up again, one of you guys make damned sure he's dead this time!"

"If you're gonna be such a fucking baby about it, I'll check the big, bad corpse for you!"

The footsteps came closer and all Ken could do was lay there on his side. He felt a rough hand touch his neck, checking his pulse.

"He's dead alright...Hm? What's this?"

"Something wrong?"

Somewhere at the back of his mind, Ken found it amazing he was living long enough to listen to this entire conversation.

"Oho! Looks like our job's made fucking easy today, guys! The boy's already been claimed."

A hand reached into Ken's breast pocket, pulling something out.

"...I see."

"What should we do, Prez? Tear it up?"

"...No. She's clearly claimed this boy for her clan, so it would be wise not to do anything unnecessary to anger her."

[Smart choice.]

Even with his horribly fuzzy vision, Ken could still make out a dull, dark-green light...another figure appeared, he could tell.

"I would ask that you all leave now."

 _"That voice..."_ Ken knew her!

"As you wish, Lady Astaroth. We will not disturb you."

"Be sure that you don't. I would hate for anything bad to happen to my new possession."

"Of course."

...The others left.

"I won't lie, Ichijou-kun. I would have thought Arianna would have taken another day or two, but that creature truly has no patience..."

Ken couldn't do anything as the girl rolled him onto his back.

"Hmph. You're in pretty bad shape. I've decided to resurrect you as my servant, so you'd better be grateful."

 _"Resurrect...?"_

Before Ken could properly question the girl's meaning, his consciousness finally drifted away into darkness...

And that was the anti-climactic story of how Ken Ichijou died...

And how he was reborn as a Devil.

* * *

Next Time on DxD: Neo - Volume 1 Life 1: The Devil - Rachel Astaroth

* * *

I won't lie. I wrestled with this one for a long while. Kept going back and forth between Issei-replacement and future fic, but eventually the inspiration I received from Houki Minami's DxD: Re-Birth was too overwhelming, so here we are~!

Please read and review lots and lots!


	2. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 1

Rachel: It's time for a Disclaimer, you lowly commoners, so pay attention! Ahem!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody. High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi. You had best support the official release.

* * *

DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 1: The Devil - Rachel Astaroth

For a dead person, Ken was surprisingly alive-feeling.

It was faint at first, when he first started to gain consciousness.

Rather, it's the fact he had any consciousness that surprised him. The sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, and sight, Ken didn't even realize them at first.

As he slowly woke from slumber, he let his eyelids slide open, giving him a brief glimpse of the white nightstand on the side of his bed. He couldn't quite figure out why due to his drowsy state, but he found himself stirring a great deal in his half-sleeping state. He heard a faint buzzing from the alarm clock that he recalled hating so much and saw the ever-blinding sunlight pouring in through his curtains.

Wishing the sun would just go away, he rolled over and shut his eyes again.

"Who gave you permission to look this way?"

"...Hm...I dunno. I just felt like it..." Ken mumbled in his dazed state.

"Well, it's bad enough I must use this disgraceful method to heal you, but I refuse to do it while you are facing in my direction with such an indecent sleeping position."

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

"As you should be."

"Yeah..." It was only then that a small spark ran through Ken's brain, reminding him that he always slept in his own bed... _alone_. "Hm?" Curious, he cracked his eyelids open just a smidge, looking down at the small shape clinging to his chest. It was a small girl with pale skin and really long, blonde hair. A tinge of peek colored her white cheeks as she clung to his body with her child-like form. She met his gaze with a warning glare. She was probably upset or embarrassed, being in the nude and all for his wandering eyes to see. "Oh...OK then..." His curiosity resolved, he let his eyelids slowly shut again...then open so wide his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "What the!?"

"Hmph!" The girl sniffed. "It's about time you woke up. Who knew you commoners were so lazy?"

"Uh...Hello there!" Ken greeted, wide awake and too stunned to think up a witty remark. "Uh...oh shit!" He sat up so suddenly that the girl almost slid off his bed. He stared in horror, gripping the sides of his head. "Oh my God-ACK!" He winced, a sudden sharp pain running through his head. However, the moment he laid eyes on the nuyde girl again, his terror returned tenfold. "SHIT! I'M A CRIMINAL! I'll have to skip town, change my name, and spend the rest of my life on the run!"

"What _are_ you going on about?" The girl said, sitting up while still staring at him with a sharp gaze. "All I did was heal you."

Tears welled up in the corners of Ken's eyes. "I touched a child! I'm the worst kind of criminal!" He turned, his cheeks flushing red as he noticed the pink of the girls bare nipples on her tiny breasts. Realizing he was staring, the girl blushed, picking up the sheet on the bed and using it to cover her body. "OH GOD-AUGH!" Another sharp pain ripped through Ken's skull before he buried his face in his hands, tears pouring out of his eyes. "I'm feeling so guilty that my brain is about to explode into chunks from guilt-pain! OH MY GOD-AUGH!"

"It's not guilt-pain, stupid." The girl said with a condescending gaze. "It's because, like an uneducated dimwit, you keep bringing His name into it."

"Huh?" Ken stared for a second before quickly averting his eyes. ""His name"?"

"You know?" The girl said, clearly intending for Ken to be the one to figure it out. "Him?"

Ken stared blankly.

"The Lord, the one who commands the Angels and the Heavens themselves?" The girl said, giving a very large hint.

"Lord...Oh!" Ken's eyes went wide with realization. "You mean "God"!" He paused, frowning. "Wait...if-"

"It only inflicts pain when you invoke his name in a way that sounds as though you're speaking to Him or asking something of Him." The girl clarified.

"Oh...Huh?" He stared at the girl again. "Oh man! Even if I don't get arrested, Chidori's going to kill me! I'm impuuuure!"

"What is it that has you so rattled, Ichijou-kun?" The girl asked, her voice sounding oddly familiar. "You're showing a lot more energy than normal."

"How can you say that!?" Ken screamed. "Why are you not screaming or flipping out!? What kind of child are you!?"

It was then that the girl's eyes widened ever so slightly in realization. Then they narrowed in irritation. "Is _that_ what this is about?" She shook her head, as if she couldn't quite believe the idiocy coming from Ken's mouth. "If that's the case, you are wrong on two accounts, Ichijou-kun."

"Huh?"

"First, you are wrong to presume that I am a child." The child said. "You and I are about the same age after all."

"Baby-girl say whaaaat?"

The girl's left eye twitched slightly, but, to her credit, she retained a straight face. Much better than what Chidori could have done. "I understand you do not possess a high number of brain cells, so I will do my best to make things simple for you." The girl looked him straight in the eye. "And I need you to follow me here: I. Am. Six-teen."

"...I still don't follow you."

The girl sighed. "We met only the other day. Surely you commoners can't have such poor memory?" She gestured to herself. "You had the gall to make a proposal to me yesterday?...You humans refer to me as Rachel Astarotte?"

Ken squinted his eyes. "Hmm...You do look a little familiar." He noted. "Kind of like Rachel-chan, but that can't be. You're small like Rachel-chan and you have the same skin color and look like you're of European descent, but you can't be Rachel-chan!"

"And why is that?" Rachel asked, staring expectantly.

"Rachel-chan had pig tails!" Ken cupped his hands to form little "o's" and held them up to the sides of his head. "And you're wearing your hair down! You can't be Rachel-chan!"

Rachel cupped her hands around two large locks of her hair, holding them up in pig tails.

"HUH! RACHEL-CHAN! It's you!"

Rachel stared.

"I am suddenly having great misgivings about my choices in life." However, she quickly shook her head. "Forget it. It's too late to turn back now...I'll have to make do with what I have..."

Ken looked at Rachel before scanning the room around them, making sure they were alone. "Um...who are you talking to?" He pointed to himself. "Are you talkin' to me?"

"Never mind that." Rachel said pointedly. She looked away, but Ken could still tell she was blushing. "Another thing I would have you know is that nothing transpired while we shared the same bed. The method I used to heal your injuries simply required a great deal of skin contact. Do not worry. Even beneath the same sheets as you, I have protected my purity from your beastly advances."

"Beastly?" Ken wondered, scratching his cheek. "Oh wow, I don't remember anything like that. All I remember is-"

 _"Please be my boyfriend!"_

 _"You're not my type."_

 _"FUCK YOU!"_

And then the splattering of blood against concrete.

The vivid memory caused Ken to gasp, his eyes going wide in shock. "OH MY GOD-Augh!-I DIED!" Ken's hands immediately flew to his bare chest, feeling all around for the large hole he could swear he remembered being there. "I should be dead! Am I dead!? Oh my gosh, I'm dead!" He looked around the room. "Is this Heaven?-Nooo! If this were my Heaven, there would be lots of explosive battles outside, I would be able to fly, and there would be thrill-seeking swimsuit models everywhere waiting to jump on my jock, but everything here's exactly the same...Oh no! I've gone to Hell!" He suddenly growled, leaping from his bed with his fists raised. "Alright then, looks like I gotta sock the Devil for my freedom! Where are you, Satan, you son of a jackal!?"

"Would you calm down?" Rachel requested, rubbing her temples to soothe her headache. "You are in neither Heaven nor Hell nor even Limbo or Purgatory. You are alive.

"I dunno. Last time I checked, having most of your organs destroyed and losing a gallon of blood usually means you died. That's how it normally is anyway."

"And tell me," Rachel said, looking at Ken with questioning eyes, "does anything of the memories you recall truly strike you as "normal"?"

Ken opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it, saying nothing instead. Rachel had a point. While losing organs and lots of blood was supposed to indicate someone is dead or is about to die, in the world he lived in, teenage girls weren't supposed to be able to shoot laser beams out of their hands either. It may have been the 22nd Century, but humanity was too busy fighting wars and killing each other for politics and resources to develop their technology to the point of building a Dragon Ball Z-style android/cyborg, so what had happened to him the other day in itself should have been an impossibility.

"But still...I know I died..."

Rachel nodded. "It's true you were slain last night by that girl, but I brought you back."

That statement gave Ken cause to pause. "Brought me back?"

"That's right. Your life was taken, so I gave it back to you." Rachel said. "You really should be thanking me-"

"Thank you, Rachel-chan!"

The sudden gratitude took Rachel by surprised, taking the wind out from beneath her wings for a moment. However, she quickly regained her posture. "Y-You're welcome." She said as if she hadn't been caught off-guard by Ken's thanks. "Anyway, after you died, I brought you back and healed your injuries. I did make a promise to you after all, didn't I?"

[So, in exchange for this friendship of yours, I promise that, when the time comes and and everything is over, I will return for you.]

"Huh, so you did." Ken agreed, remembering her words fairly well. "And here I was thinking that was thinking that was some kind of weird love confession."

"Do not get a swelled head, Ichijou Ken-kun." Rachel said, narrowing her eyes. "You are indeed a valuable piece, but I would never give you something as valuable as my heart. You amused me with your idiocy earlier, so I decided to take you after all, but don't mistake it for a gesture made out of the kindness of my heart. Your resurrection at my hands came at a price as many things do."

Ken shrugged. "Fair enough." He said passively. "So, what? Do I like have sign up for some kind of payment plan? Pay some kind of "Resurrection Fee"? Give up my immortal soul? Swear to wander the Earth and spread the name and glory of some cosmic deity?"

"You aren't quite too far off." Rachel admitted, the corners of her mouth curving upward to form a devilish smirk. "You see, as I'm sure you can tell, I'm no mere human as you are- _were_. While you humans know me as Rachel Astarotte, my true name is Rachel Astaroth. I am what you humans refer to as a "Devil"."

"Oh boy, I can guess where this is going."

"I brought you back not for your sake, but for my own."

"Oh my G-goodness, this _is_ going where I think it's going."

"To repay your life debt to me, I have brought you back as a Devil."

"Yep, I called it. I frickin' called it."

"So from hereon out, I am your master and you are my Devil servant."

.

.

.

There was a disturbingly long silence following that.

"Ken-chan, you're being really loud. Is something-" It was during that silence, right when Ken opened his mouth to respond, that the door opened, a bespectacled woman with short brown hair tied into a pony tail, dressed in a track suit, entered the run. Both teens turned to face her, Rachel notably more composed than Ken whose eyes widened like a dog finding out he's about to get fixed. The woman ended up stopping short of finishing her sentence, taking a good glimpse at the two nude teens. "..." The gesture she made to Ken with her eyes caused the young man to look down, blushing slightly before grabbing the nearest pillow and using it to cover what was left of his dignity. "...Son."

"Mother." Ken said, addressing the woman who had given birth to him.

"..." The woman tapped her foot against the ground for several seconds, as if deciding how to best phrase the question in her mind. "Who is this?"

"A girl from my school."

"Ah." It looked like that put one of her many fears to rest considering Rachel's young appearance. Again, Mrs. Ichijou glanced from Ken to Rachel, as if still deciding how to be tactful. "...You used protection, right?"

"Mom!"

"I'm serious!" The woman said, adjusting her glasses to examine the two closely for some evidence of indecent behavior. "It only takes one time! I mean, back when your father and I first started dating, we didn't pay a care in the world and-"

"Mooooom!"

"-I mean, sure they were wild rides every night-"

"Ewww!"

"-but the stress from the realization I was pregnant-and I love you and your sister very much when I say this-almost killed me!" Mrs. Ichijou continued. "I'm telling you from experience, Ken-chan! It feels _amazing,_ but it's no fun if you knock a girl up halfway through college because then, if it's not the stress of planned parenthood that kills you, it will be the lack of sexual release. I mean, the moment I was allowed home from the hospital, I dragged your father into our bedroom and I-"

"Please stop!" Ken pleaded, covering his ears with a nauseous look on his face. "Aaaugh! It's too late! The images are already in my head!" He turned to Rachel. "Quick! Undo your bibbity-bobbity-boo stuff and make me dead again! I can't live with those images in my head!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow. ""Bibbity-bobbity-boo stuff"?" That was the first time she heard it called that.

"Sorry, son, but once the bibbity-bobbity-boo stuff happens, it can't be undone." Mrs. Ichijou said with a sigh, clearly not understanding the meaning and only intensifying the power of the horrific mental images penetrating his mind. "That's why it's important to always wear protection. I trust you'll learn from this for next time." Ken shook his head, sobbing. "Anyway, I'll give you two some alone time to get cleaned up. Breakfast is on the table when you two are ready."

With that, Mrs. Ichijou left the room, leaving a naked Ken clutching a pillow to his crotch and a naked Rachel tying her hair back into pig tails.

"That was certainly interesting." Rachel said as a final thought on the matter.

Overall, one of the most awkward mornings Ken had ever experienced.

* * *

For once, Ken wished all eyes _weren't_ on him, something he never thought would have been possible in any other situation.

But in a situation where his own mother had caught him 100% exposed after sharing a bed with an equally exposed girl from his school in his bedroom and had subsequently called the entire family together at the breakfast table to discuss said nudity was hardly favorable for any seventeen-year-old. It was bad enough everyone was making a spectacle of it, but what made it worse was that he didn't even get any! Where was the justice in that?

So he just sat there, feeling awkward under his family's piercing gazes.

He could tell Chidori was especially pissed from the way her eyes gave the feeling of a thousand knives cutting through his flesh. If it was about his "indecency" or about "getting involved" with Rachel, he wasn't sure.

Rachel, meanwhile, casually ate from the plate of food she had been provided. Just because she was the girl who "defiled her baby boy's purity", Mrs. Ichijou saw that as no reason to let the poor girl go hungry. Apparently there wasn't reason enough to dislike her.

His father had clearly just rolled out of bed. His mid-length black hair had clearly been infected by a severe case of "bed head", he had a 5 o' clock shadow, and, aside from his awful morning breath, he was dressed in his bathrobes. He was a mix between drowsy and grumpy, so Ken knew he could not count on him as an ally at that table. The only person "on his side" was a suddenly rude loli who spoke of things only a chuunbiyou would talk about.

This did not bode well.

"...So..." Mr. Ichijou said, clearly attempting to get the ball rolling. "I heard you got a foreign girl in your bed."

"This is horribly out of context, but yes." He glanced at his parents, melting beneath their gazes like butter under a flamethrower. "Mom, Dad, this is Rachel Astaroth."

"Astarotte." Rachel corrected. Ken stared at her curiously. "Rachel Astarotte."

"Huh? But you told me before that-" Rachel kicked his shin under the table. "-Ow!" He shot Rachel a look. "What was that fo-" Rachel kicked him again. "-OW!"

Rachel cleared her throat, acting as though she _hadn't_ physically assaulted Ken. _Twice_. "I apologize for my impromptu introduction. If I had known that I would be meeting Ichijou-kun's parents, I would have done far more thorough preparations." She smiled politely. "My name is Rachel Astarotte. I attend school at Kuoh Academy. Your son is technically my "Senpai" in Japanese terms."

""Technically"?" Ken wondered before another heavy kick to his shin. "Would you stop that!?" He started to sob, rubbing the big purple bruise that had started to form on his leg.

"Yesterday, Ichijou-kun asked me to be his friend. It started raining, so, obtaining permission from Ichijou-kun, I decided to spend the night at his house." Rachel explained. "You were all asleep by the time we arrived, so I did not wish to disturb you. That is why you found me sleeping in Ichijou-kun's bed."

"What? That's not what happened at all." Ken objected, confused as to why Rachel was lying. "I ended up getting blasted by this crazy chick and-" That time, Rachel knocked over Ken's plate of hot breakfast onto his lap. It took a moment before the heat finally sank in. "BURNIIIIING!" He leaped out of his seat, running circles out of the room while patting between his legs. "Hot crotch! Hot crotch! HOT CROTCH! Stop! Drop! Roll!"

"What Ichijou-kun _meant_ was that we were having such a "blast", as you would say-"

"MY FUTURE KIDS ARE BEING UNBORN!"

"-that we lost track of time, so it was too late to walk home by the time we realized what time it was."

The family patriarch tapped his index finger against the table, nodding as he took in Rachel's words. Mrs. Ichijou looked as though she was indifferent to whether or not Rachel was being truthful.

"Now hold on," said the only one of them actually concerned with the situation, Chidori, as she slammed her hands on the table, "that still doesn't explain why the Hell you two were naked in bed together?"

It was as though Ken's parents were suddenly snapped out of trance, considering Chidori's point as well with curious looks on their faces.

Despite the increasing odds against the Ichijou family believing her lies, Rachel maintained a calm and civil demeanor. "Ichijou-kun and I were just trying to strengthen our bond as senior and junior via skinship."

"Bullshit!" Chidori called out, a vein popping out on her forehead.

"It's the truth." Rachel said, casually brushing off Chidori's argument. "Maybe you would have known if you ever had the chance at contact with an attractive male."

"...I'm not 100% sure, but I think you just got dissed, sis." Ken noticed, a hint of amusement on his face. However, the moment he saw the expression on Chidori's face, he frowned. He had expected irritation, annoyance, anger, hellish fury, or some kind of biting retort, but the expression on Chidori's face expressed none of those things. What was even more stunning was the fact she gave a light nod, as if agreeing with the words coming from Rachel's mouth. "Uh...Chidori? Snaggletooth? Nothing you want to say to that?"

"Hm?" Chidori blinked at Ken, as if not understanding the words coming from his mouth. "No...I agree that..." Her eye twitched. "I think that..." Then the corner of her mouth, like she was trying to resist the words coming from her mouth. "Wait, what am I..."

"That's the way things are, Chidori-senpai." Rachel reiterated, putting an emphasis in her voice for whatever reason. "Sharing skinship between senior and junior is a way to strengthen their relationship."

And like that, whatever resistance Chidori had been feeling crumbled. "That sounds about right." Chidori said, falling into the same trance-like state as before. "If you were just trying to bond with your friend, then it's no real issue." Ken stared blankly in response.

He lashed out with his arms, grabbing Chidori by her shoulders and shaking her violently. "...Who are you and what have you done with Chidori?"

"Huh?" Even with Ken shaking her in a fashion that normally would have earned him a chop to the skull, Chidori barely reacted.

"Come on, Chidori, snap out of it!" Ken screamed, now officially worried for his baby sister's mental health. "Whatever you're taking, you need to lower the dosage and put your brain back in gear!" However, no matter how hard he shook her, Chidori didn't seem to respond with anything aside from a dazed look.

"She won't hear you." Rachel said, respectfully setting down her eating utensils without a care. Ken stared at her. "I've placed them all under a hypnosis spell. It's much simpler than trying to create a legitimate excuse to hide our little "arrangement"."

"Hypnosis...?"

"I used my magic to alter their thoughts and memories so that they would be a little more accepting of this situation."

"Oh, so you mind-fucked them." Ken noted, nodding in understanding.

Rachel's eye twitched, but she didn't rebut his comment. "In crass terms, yes. I "mind-fucked" them." She looked at Ken as if he had only recently evolved from scum.

Ken leaned in, examining Chidori closely. "So you can make them say or do anything you want right now?" He grinned. "Can you make Chidori say something like "I love you, Onii-chan, coz you're the best in the world and the coolest guy I kn-Ugauk!"!" It was at that point that Chidori, still blank-faced drove her foot straight between Ken's legs.

There was a soulless look on his face as he crumpled to the ground.

"Sorry," Rachel said, brushing her hair out of her face, "but I cannot make them do something that goes against their very being."

"Yeah..." Ken squeaked, waiting for his "boys" to drop back down. "Kinda figured that out..."

"Cease your dawdling, Ichijou." Rachel commanded. "We had best hurry to class before we are late."

""We"?" Ken noted. "Aren't you in the Night-Course? Aren't you a _First Year_?"

Rachel merely waved off his reasonable concerns. "Actually, after today, I will be working to transfer into your class."

"Ah, so, do you have some kind of time machine so we can jump ahead to your second year or are we just going to ignore everyone's stares as they wonder why someone from a completely different course is in our class?"

"You really don't pay attention, do you?" Rachel said, sighing. "It's a mere snap of the fingers for a Devil. Now that I've finally begun recruiting my servants, there's no reason to remain in the Night-Course."

"...Huh?" Ken was surprised how it was possible for him to feel more confused than usual.

"I shall explain on the way." Gesturing for Ken to follow, Rachel moved for the front door. "Let's go, Ichijou."

Ken paid a glance to his family's trance-like states before turning back to Rachel. It was probably for the best he didn't stick around for when they snapped out of it and remembered he had been found naked in bed with a girl.

He followed Rachel out the door.

* * *

"OK, explain it to me like I'm retarded."

"That won't be too hard." Rachel said, her gaze directed forward. "And hold the umbrella a little closer."

"Yes, ma'am." Ken held a black umbrella in his hand as he walked beside Rachel Astaroth, the girl walking with the grace one would have expected of royalty. He suspected that the umbrella was for the ungodly discomfort the sun was causing him. "Is the sun bothering you as much as it's bothering me?"

It didn't feel any hotter than the day before, but the sunlight was significantly more brutal. Ken felt as though he would get full-body sunburn just by standing outside for ten minutes.

"It's because you're a Devil now." Rachel explained. "We are existences hated by holy elements and light. Even with the current peace, the nature or our unholy bodies cause us to feel repulsed and pained by such things."

"OK..." Ken noted. "...but how come you're the only one who gets an umbrella?"

The small pause given by Rachel did not go unnoticed by Ken. "I have more sensitive skin." She said nonchalantly. "Any burns or blemishes on my appearance would reflect poorly on both me and my family."

"Ah." Ken nodded, smiling. "I can understand that. Even I have to worry about these devilishly good looks from time to time~"

"Devilishly?" Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Was that a pun?"

"No, it-" Ken paused, blinking as realization appeared on his face. "H-Holy shit, I guess it is. I guess things like that are puns now...huh."

"I'm more surprised how accepting you are to all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're taking all of this surprisingly well." Rachel clarified. "Considering the fact you died, were brought back to life, and the girl you woke up in bed with claimed you had become a Devil, I would have thought you would be more disoriented. Most humans would have been a bit more skeptical about the situation by this point."

"Well, I distinctly remember a hole being blown through my innards," Ken said, wincing as he patted the area on his stomach that had been exploded, "so I'm pretty certain I died, and either you're telling the truth or my sister found the seven Dragon Balls." He paused for a moment as an afterthought occurred to him. "That, and you're my friend. I don't see any reason why you would lie to me."

""Friend"?" Rachel parroted with eyebrows raised. "Are you still going on about that? Surely that ridiculous confession the other day was a joke, right?"

Ken shook his head. "No." He responded, smiling honestly. "I was completely genuine in wanting to be friends with you. I thought you felt the same way."

One thing that could be said about Ken Ichijou is that he was always a straight-forward and (normally) pure-hearted young man.

The disbelieving expression on Rachel's face made the perpetual smile leave Ken's face. "Wait, that was a lie?"

"No." Rachel answered quickly, averting her eyes. "I suppose I could stand to be "friends" with you as you are to be my loyal servant as well as classmate."

"Yaaaaay!" Ken cheered, throwing his hands up into the air in joy. "But back to a previous topic of discussion: What do you mean you're going to be my classmate? Even with hypnosis, this is skipping a whole year you're talking about. I reference back to my previous joke about time machines and everyone just staring."

Rachel stopped walking so suddenly that Ken almost bumped into her, quickly adjusting the umbrella to properly cover her small, doll-like frame. "Ichijou, how much do you _know_ about the Night-Course students?" She asked, turning her head to stare at her servant. "How much do the commoners at school aside from the teachers actually know about us?"

"Um..." Ken scratched his head, trying to think back to previous conversations. "To be honest, I didn't even know you guys existed until yesterday."

"Wow," Rachel said, deadpan, "you just learned of our existences, unwittingly made friends with a Devil, and had a hole blown through your chest with the span of a few hours. Were you born under an unlucky star or something?" However, she quickly shook her head, retracting her question. "Anyway, do you truly know nothing?"

"Well, Chidori told me that the Night-Course students were elites from special backgrounds." Ken said uncertainly. "By our standards, they are the best of the best, not only for their money and status but also because their anonymous natures make them an enamoring mystery to us."

The small Devil suddenly started walking against, gesturing for Ken to follow. "That's not entirely inaccurate, but only to an extent." She said, leaving Ken at a loss once more. "The truth is-"

"They're not all human?"

"-they're not all hu..." Rachel trailed off, her revelation losing all momentum. "...How did you know?"

"You're joking, right?" His answer came in the form of silence and a sharp, expectant gaze from Rachel. "I mean, one of your Night-Course classmates-former Night-Course classmates now, I guess-murdered me with demon powers and you're a Devil. I kind of put two and two together from that."

"...Touche." Ken found it weird that the thought never occurred to Rachel that he could have figured that out by himself. "Moving on, the Night-Course is a class for more than just the privileged and the wealthy. Every single student enrolled is actually someone carrying blood of some species of non-human origin. While there are many noble Devils such as I enrolled, there are also many other non-human races such as Nekomata, Grim Reapers, Vampires, any supernatural creature or species that you humans claim to be fictional."

"Dwarves?"

"Of course."

"Elves?"

"Yes, that is a species you think to be fictional."

"Zombies?"

"Only those who have properly functioning minds and minimal levels of decomposition, but yes."

"Mermaids?"

"I already said any species, didn't I?" Rachel asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Dullahans? Lamias? Angels?"

"Ichijou-"

"Werewolves? Kyuubis? Kappas? Yu-"

"Ichijou!"

It was the raised voice and harsh gaze that finally got Ichijou to pause. He stared right back at her.

"Dragons?"

Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. " _Any species_." Rachel reiterated. "That includes Dragons."

"Wait! _Actual_ Dragons!? Like "flying and burning shit with fire breath" Dragons!?" Rachel nodded. Ken's eyes started sparkling like gems. "That's so _cool_! Can I meet one?! I've always wanted to meet a Dragon, ever since I was little! They're so coool, flying around, breathing fire, gettin' all dem bitches-!"

"That's enough, Ichijou!" Rachel snapped, desperately trying to regain control of the conversation.

"But how would they even fit a giant lizard in a normal classroom?"

"We have spells and spacial barriers in place to turn them into a more suitable form for a classroom and expand the dimensions of the classroom so as to accommodate their size." Rachel explained. "For those who can't or won't transform, we simple have our Dragon instructors use teleportation spells, known as Dragon Gates, to teleport them into the classrooms."

"Wait! Some of your TEACHERS are Dragons!?" Ken was practically drooling by this point. "That's so cool! Can I meet'em!? I've always wanted to meet a Dragon! Have I ever mentioned that? Coz I do! I really want to meet a Dragon! Can I meet one, Rachel? Please please please, can I meet one!? I promise I'll be your best friend forever and ever and ever, but I reeaaally want to meet a Dragon really badly!" He leaned in closer, staring with an unblinking blank expression. " _Really really badly._ "

At first, Rachel's immediate thought as she pushed his head away was to tell Ken to either calm down or shut up (or both), but it was then that a thought occurred to her.

"Alright." She answered.

"Eeeeeeeee-~!"

"BUT!" Rachel interjected, halting Ken before he could go full-cheer. "But, you must wait patiently and wait until I finish my explanations, understand? It would be a shame if I ended up letting you run about only to get decapitated as a result of your own foolishness."

"Yeah! I-" Ken paused, his words caught in his throat. "Decapitated?"

"Of course." Rachel said, not reading much into his question. "Whether you are aware of it or not, you hold an impressive power. Otherwise, nobody would have taken notice of you in the first place, especially not that spoiled sow who believes every toy belongs to her and breaking them when they don't comply." She frowned when she noticed Ken's dumbfounded look. "I'm speaking of Arianna." Even more dumbfounded stare. "...The girl who killed you?"

"OH!" Ken said, smacking himself on the forehead. "THAT girl!"

"You didn't even know her name?"

"No, sorry." Ken said. "She didn't introduce herself while she was _gutting me_ and I didn't exactly ask while she was _blowing out my favorite organs_." He pouted, rubbing a circle around his chest.

Rachel sighed. "You truly are clueless, even for a commoner." Rachel turned her head to face Ichijou again. "Her name is Arianna Glasya-Labolas, a Pure-Blood Devil of the Glasya-Labolas Clan."

"So you two are friends then?" Ken guessed.

"Why would you assume that?" Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, because you're both-" Ken stopped himself before he could say "because you're both Devils". On top of it being completely offensive, he knew it was dangerous to say it the moment his ahoge started twitching in response to Rachel's evil look. "...b-because you're both in the same class."

"Being classmates isn't grounds for friendship to immediately bloom, Ichijou." Rachel argued passively. "And you are completely wrong in your assumptions of our relationship. We share a mutual loathing for one another and would like nothing more than to slit each others' throats."

"Violent." Ken noted, crossing his arms behind his head. "What happened that made you two hate each other so much?"

"Not the point." Rachel said. However, Ken noticed a hint of hesitation in her voice. "The point is that, if you're not careful, you may unwittingly offend some very influential parties or non-humans who could otherwise bite your head off. Literally in some of their cases. What's worse, if you aren't seen at my side and aren't established as my servant, you would be mistaken for a Stray and subsequently executed."

"Well, I don't know what a Stray is, but I don't think I want to be executed for it."

"Indeed." Rachel agreed. "Which is why I will be transferring into the Day-Course."

"...but what about your Night-Course...normalization class thing?"

"The purpose of the Night-Course is to help naturalize those without proper guides or teachers to the human world." Rachel explained. "That was actually something you humans got right. As I will be transferring into your class, you will serve as my guide and ensure I behave suitably in terms of your human standards and norms."

"So, if I were to say that it's the norm in Japan to make out with your new, cute, sexy male servant-?"

"I would skewer you, drain you, and prep you to be dinner, yes." Rachel said, her threat proving quite obvious.

"You cannibal!"

"Oh please, humans have done far worse."

It was decided to be for the best to change the subject before Rachel obtained a strong craving for flesh. "But won't you fall behind in studies, just changing in the middle of the year?" It was a reasonable question. Switching from Night-Course to Day-Course, Ken could understand, but skipping an entire year of school? Even he wasn't that stupid...and he _wrote_ the book on stupid. He named it "Stupidology 101: The Basic Study of Idiocy". It never published because he couldn't figure out whom to send it to. "And then there's the fact that people will question you as a former member of the Night-Course-"

While he couldn't see why, Ken's words only served to frustrate Rachel. "I'm going to need to teach you more thoroughly if you are ever going to be a proper servant." Rachel said, sighing.

"Don't take it personally. I never really listen to anyone when they try to teach me something. It's one of my bad habits and I have a _lot_ of bad habits."

"Well, it appears I have to viciously whip every last lesson into you."

"Sounds kinky!"

"What?"

"I've always wanted to try being an "M"~!"

It would not be the last time, but, as Rachel Astaroth started to rub her temples, she deeply questioned the choices she made in life. "Do you not remember what I did to your family?"

"Yeah?"

"The hypnosis?"

"Yeah?"

"That is how I intend to shift flawlessly into your class." Rachel clarified. "It's a simple matter of casting mass hypnosis over all of the normal students and teachers and an even simpler matter of having my name struck from the Night-Course class roster and added to your class's as a student. It will probably take me a day between teachers and students, even with assistance, but, by tomorrow, nobody will have heard of me until they meet the new transfer student, Rachel Astarotte, tomorrow in homeroom. As for how I intend to keep up with the rest of the class...that's a secret."

"Question: Is any of this legal?"

"Of course."

"By human laws?"

"Of course not."

"OK, just checking."

* * *

Ken rocked back forth in his seat, balancing a pencil between his upper lip and the bottom of his nose.

Even considering how normal it usually was, he seemed especially distracted. Normally, he would have made an effort of paying attention to the teacher's lectures, both about the lesson and about Ken stop beating the goddamned desk like a drum. If it weren't for how hilarious how deep a shade of red his teacher's face could turn, Ken probably wouldn't have found much entertainment in it.

Still, despite his immature behavior, Ken was actually very deep in thought.

[Behave normally in class today. We shall discuss more about Devils and your new duties as my servant afterwards at this location.]

That was what Rachel had said before drawing a building name and room number on the back of his hand before running off at the front gate. Apparently, it would have been "too suggestive" for them to be seen together the day before Rachel became his classmate. Ken didn't understand what she meant, but he knew better than to question her when she gave him the "evil eye" for objecting the first time.

And so he spent the entire school day doing absolutely nothing, his mind wandering aimlessly as he eagerly anticipated more information concerning his new eternal servitude to one of the spawn of Satan.

 _"I hope I get my own set of demon powers."_ Ken thought to himself as the last five minutes of class ticked away at an agonizingly slow speed. _"The ability to shoot lasers would be fun, but impractical...maybe I can do that hypnosis thing. Maybe trick a girl into stripping-Ooh! A spell that destroys a girl's clothes! Both sexy and erotic as well as an effective weapon in battle! So original! Nobody would see it coming!...Hmm...but I guess I can't just go about blowing off girls' clothes if I want to see some tit and hypnotizing them into stripping sounds too NTR-ish...Maybe if I could just find a way to see through their clothes. Hmmm...I guess I'm going to have to ask Rachel-chan later...Course, now that I think about it, she's supposed to be my Devil master now, so I should probably start addressing her as "Ojou-sama" or "Rachel-sama" or something...Then again, she didn't seem to mind earlier. Plus, it's hard to think of her as an Ojou-sama when she looks like a child playing pretend...Wait, it would actually be cuter that way. She's be a cute, tiny Ojou-sama~! OK, I've decided-!"_

It was at some point, during Ken's extended mental monologue that the bell dismissing class decided to ring, many of the students immediately filing out the door after jotting down whatever assignment the teacher had written on the board. Ken didn't even bother with as much.

The moment the bell rang, he hopped out of his seat and ran out the door-

"Gauugh!"

-right into someone's clothesline technique.

"Finally got you!" screeched the irate voice of his adorably hideous baby sister. To say Chidori was fuming would have been an understatement. She was about to _erupt_ with fury. "You seriously have some explaining to do, Ken!"

"Do I though?" Ken asked with a wide smile. This question was answered with a heel-stomp to the face. "There's a dog turd on the bottom of your foot."

"What was up this morning with you and that Rachel-chick?!" Chidori snapped. She was in no mood for witty banter or caustic exchanges, so Ken knew that she was serious this time around. Chidori rubbed her temples, frowning. "I feel...dizzy when I think about it, but I know for a fact that something's going on between you two!"

"You're absolutely right, Chidori." Ken said, completely straight-faced as he sat up. "Rachel-chan and I are lovers and we were planning to elope without anyone's knowledge!"

SMACK!

Chidori chopped Ken right down the center of his skull, leaving a large bump in the place she had struck.

"Ow!"

"Don't screw with me, idiot!" She snapped. "You got involved with her, didn't you?!"

"Alright alright." Ken raised his hands to calm her. "I ADMIT...we did sleep in bed together. Whether or not there was any actual penetration is up for debate."

SMACK!

"Ouchies!" Tears dripped from the corners of Ken's eyes as he rubbed his "wound". "Stop pickin' on me!"

"Only when you tell me what shady stuff you and her got up to yesterday!" Chidori said, placing her hands on her hips. "You completely disappeared after school yesterday and I _know_ I didn't ever hear you come home which raises the question as to how Mom found you laying there in the bed naked with her! Ken, what happened? You told me you weren't going to get involved with her and, the moment I say something like that, you up and vanish and reappear without making so much as a sound!" When Ken opened his mouth to speak, Chidori immediately interrupted, "And I want the full, unaltered truth. What happened?"

Ken opened his mouth to talk again, trying to think of a proper excuse before looking Chidori in the eyes. "The truth?" She nodded. Ken sighed. "OK, but you're not going to believe it."

"Try me."

Taking a deep breath, Ken began to tell his story, "Essentially, after I left school, I was murdered by my yandere stalker after she shot me through the chest with her demon powers only to be resurrected after death by Rachel, who is also a demon whose surname is actually Astaroth, as her Devil servant." Ken stared at Chidori. "That about sums up everything up to this point...Oh yeah! And she also mind-fucked you, Mom, and Dad into accepting the fact we were naked in bed together."

Chidori crossed her arms. "Fine then! Don't tell me!" She threw up her arms in frustration, turning on her heels and walking away. "So glad you trust me so much!"

Watching her stomp off, Ken scratched the back of his head. "Who said being truthful makes you more friends?" He asked no one in particular. "Whoever they are, they're liars." Leaping back to his feet, Ken pulled his cellphone from his pocket, sliding his thumb across the screen. "Welp, better go meet up with my cute, future Devil waifu!"

He had barely taken one step when a huge mob of guys and girls alike stampeded right over him.

[They they are!]

[It's that time of day again!]

[The Night-Course students are coming! Get your cameras!]

[Hurry before they pass through!]

It was as he was scraping his body off of the ground that Ken processed what the mob had been discussing. "Night-Course..." And, conveniently enough, he had quite the bone to pick with one of said Night-Course students. Arianna, the girl who reduced his insides to mush. "Should I go ahead and find her...? Hmmm...I dunno. Last time I tried talking to a Night-Course student, I got stomped to double-death by an angry mob and, even though it didn't actually hurt, I don't think Chidori or Rachel will come to save me...unless of course that psycho decides to start shooting shit up for no legitimate reason, but what are the odds of _that_ happening?"

He frowned, looking around, finding not even a single soul in sight.

"Oh Go-goodness, I'm a very lonely person, aren't I? I need people around!" Having realized that, Ken immediately turned on his heels, sprinting off in the direction of his Master. "Racheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!"

* * *

The first thought Ken had as he entered through the door with the number described by Rachel:

Cramped.

It was a very, very cramped room with next to no space.

"Welcome to our official meeting ground." Rachel greeted, sitting behind a desk that had no business being in a room with less than a few feet of open space. She sat with a noble posture that would have been much easier to take seriously had there not been sports equipment littering the floor and walls on either side of her. "I'm surprised you actually managed to arrive on time."

Ken didn't make a quip in response at first, instead, examining his surroundings in curiosity. "Hey, Rachel?"

"Hm?"

"Is this a shed?"

"..."

"Rachel?"

"That's beside the point." She didn't deny it though. She didn't necessarily look pleased about it either. "I asked for a club building or perhaps a reserved classroom, but that's only an option if you are the creator or member of an actual club."

"Well, why not just start a club?" Ken asked. "I mean, we can just use your other servants as our needed member minimum. Surely there's no rule against using your immortal unholy resurrectees to act as other members in a club, right?" Ken paused, putting a finger to his lips. "I'm actually a little curious about what they're like. When can I meet them?"

"Oh, you know..." Rachel answered evasively, avoiding looking Ken in the eye. "...eventually."

"When will that be?"

"...Never." Rachel replied, suddenly crossing her arms with an affronted look on her face. "I don't see why I should ever have to introduce my loyal servants to a commoner I had picked up out of pity."

"Ouch." Ken said, crocodile tears pouring from his eyes. "I think that hurt more than Chidori's Karate chops." He frowned. "Why can't I meet them?" For the record, Ken wasn't really that stupid. He just really wanted to make Rachel say it.

"B-Because!"

"Because why?"

"Because I said so!"

"Well that's not a very mature response, Ms. Noble Devil Lady." Ken chirped. "Is there a reason why I can't meet them, hm?"

"W-Well...I...uh..." Rachel, having once been so calm and composed, was suddenly stuttering, unable to properly voice a single thought.

"Is it because they don't exist?"

"..." Rachel glared at him. It was adorable, seeing a girl only a little more than half his size glaring at him. It was so hard to take seriously. "Stop giggling, commoner!"

"Hehehe~ I'm sorry, it's just a little funny!" Ken rubbed the back of his neck, grinning. "Normally, cute girls like you could easily get away with being sociable and having no friends or being unsociable but having lots of friends, but you're the worst-case-scenario~! The loner is a bonafide loner after all~! Hehehehe~"

Rachel stared, a little frightened as a malicious aura began to shroud Ken's body. "A-Are you okay?"

Ken tilted his head, still smiling. "Hm? Whatever could you mean?"

"...Are you... _upset_ about something?" The thought seemed so ridiculous when it came to this foolishly upbeat young man, but the aura around him was starting to intensify, forming a demonic shape in the air that only strengthened the chills going down Rachel's spine.

"Now whatever could have given you that idea?" Ken asked, the demonic figure behind him giving an evil laugh. "I mean, sure you made my parents think I was a deviant, mind-fucked everyone in my family, made my adorably hideous baby sister angry with me, and insulted all of us at any given chance, but what could I _possibly_ have to be upset with you about?"

"Oh..." Rachel said, taking a moment before her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh! I...I didn't even know you could hold a grudge." She paused, averting her eyes. "I can't afford to have a servant who is actively rebelling against me, so is this going to strain our working relationship?"

Despite the fact it should have been to the contrary, Ken shook his head, waving off the thought. "Nah, I hold grudges, but not for very long against friends." He said, the demon manifested behind him not fading even slightly. "With friends and family, my grudges usually last about fifteen minutes from the point of the last offence."

"That's...oddly specific."

"Tell me about it." Ken agreed. "Speaking of which, how long has it been since class ended?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow, but checked the time on her phone. "About fourteen minutes, fifty-nine sec-"

"OK, I'm over it." The demon vanished in a puff of smoke, Ken's smile returning to normal. "So you don't have any other servants, huh?"

Even though he had already said it, that didn't stop Rachel from huffing like an annoyed child, crossing her arms. "It's not my fault." She said in a way a child would when it was _completely_ their fault. "These commoners are just too sensitive for their own good. Did you know one of them actually threatened me with a sword?"

"What did ya do?" Ken asked, sitting on the floor like a kindergartner waiting to hear a story.

Rachel scoffed. "All I did was point out how her lewd outfit would have been more appropriate on a mid-priced prostitute and she threatened to cut me!"

"Wow, what an overreaction." Ken said sarcastically.

"I know, right? You human commoners are just so sensitive."

It was about then that Ken took notice of something. "What _was_ she wearing by the way?"

"She called it an "outfit", but it was too revealing to be considered something for casual wear."

"You have a picture?"

"Why?"

"No reason." Then, to change the subject, Ken said, "So, you never really explained it to me-I kind of forgot the big question before-but how _did_ you bring me back as a Devil? Blood ritual? Sacrifice a few goats to Satan? Or is it just some kind of _thing_ Devils can do?"

"More along the lines of the latter but a bit more complicated." Rachel said. She reached out from underneath her desk and pulled out a suitcase. Ken couldn't help but feel she was a bit _too_ prepared to answer that question. She undid the clasps on the suitcase and opened it, turning it around to reveal...

"Chess pieces?" Ken raised an eyebrow. Inside the suitcase, fit into neatly-sized slots in the lining, were a set of fourteen, light-green, glowing chess pieces. Other than the faint traces of abnormal energy Ken could (for reasons he couldn't understand) sense from them, they looked like fairly normal chess pieces with no apparent abnormalities.

" _Evil_ Pieces." Rachel corrected as if it meant something to her servant. She reached into her case and pulled out one of the pieces, a Knight. "They are the tool that enables Devils to reincarnate other existences as our Devil servants." Without warning, she tossed the piece to Ken, the newly-reborn Devil catching it with surprisingly good reflexes. "Many centuries ago, there was an event known as the First Great War, where the three factions in Christian Mythology, the Angels, Fallen Angels and, of course, the Devils, fought one another to near-extinction."

"Oh yay!" Ken cheered. "Story time!"

Rachel continued, trying to hide her annoyance at his outburst, "Other mythologies and factions, who had all allied with one of the three sides, lost many among their numbers, but it was especially crippling for the three factions in Christian Mythology. The Fallen Angels lost many of their leaders, the Devils lost the four original Maou-samas, and the Angels lost even their God-"

"God's dead!?" Ken's jaw dropped in shock.

Rachel face-palmed, cursing at her own slip. "I...I apologize." She said awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the stare Ken was giving her. "I don't...really know how else to say it, but yes. While it wasn't public knowledge at first, relatively recent events from almost a century ago caused it to be revealed and...that's simply how it is. God had perished during the fighting, the Angels having originally put the Archangel Michael and, later, the Seraph Gabriel at the center of the Heaven System which allowed Heaven to retain enough power to keep itself functioning as long as it held the power of their followers' faith. So, while I wish I had revealed it more tactfully, yes. God is dead."

"Oh my deceased God!"

"I understand if this is a huge shock for you, so I would be more than willing to give you a few minutes-"

"Oh no," Ken said, waving it off, "I'm not very religious. I was just surprised that God actually existed at all."

"...You easily accepted being a Devil," Rachel pointed out, "yet you only just now started believing in God?"

"Hey, it's one thing to believe there might be a God and quite another to know without a doubt he exists and could know how I rub the ol' love rod when I'm in the mood."

"...I'm just going to ignore that comment altogether." Rachel said, doing her best to censor that image from her mind. "Moving on, as I said, all three sides lost many of their members. The only thing that kept Devils from immediate destruction were the four Maous who succeeded the originals who had perished. These four were originally normal Ultimate-Class Devils who were considered to be among the strongest, strong enough to take the mantle of a ruler that had belonged to the originals. These Devils were known as Sirzechs Lucifer, formerly Sirzechs Gremory; Serafall Leviathan, formerly Serafall Sitri; Falbium Asmodius, formerly Falbium Glasya-Labolas; and, of course, Ajuka Beelzebub, formerly Ajuka Astaroth."

"Wait..." Ken paused, pursing his lips. "...Astaroth...isn't that-"

"Yes, he is from the same clan as I." Rachel confirmed before Ken could even finish the thought.

"Wow..." Suddenly, Ken was viewing Rachel with far more interest. "Then you must be a pretty important person, being related to a Maou! You're so cool!"

While she clearly just wanted to take the praise and enjoy the sudden reverence her servant was showing her, it just didn't feel appropriate.

"That's not quite right."

"Huh?" He paused, frowning. "Wait...Wasn't Arianna's last name Glasya-Labolas...?" His eyes went wide again. "Holy shit, I got killed by a famous person!

"I already told you that's not the case!" Rachel said, narrowing her eyes at Ken. "Before taking up their mantles as Maous, these four Devils were made to give up their family names." Rachel explained. "Even though Beelzebub-sama was once from our clan, he is not considered family anymore nor is he allowed to inherit the title as head of our household. It sounds bad on the surface, but it's not as though they have to completely cut off all ties. They can interact with their families whenever they wish, but it's wiser not to. They simply cannot identify as a member of any clan because, otherwise, they would be accused of favoritism and corruption which would erode the amount of power they hold over the Underworld."

"I dunno..." Ken said, a pensive look on his face. "It still seems a bit messed up...I mean, if I had to give up my surname to get some big-time government job, I wouldn't like it. It would be the same as saying I never belonged in my family, like there was no relation whatsoever..."

"That's exactly the point." Rachel reasoned. "By cutting political ties, but not necessarily familial ones, the Maous were able to maintain the image of impartiality."

"Bah..." Ken stuck out his tongue. "I don't like it. Saying you aren't related to the people who gave birth to you, I don't like it."

"It was a wise choice." Rachel argued. However, she didn't really appear to be talking to anyone. "It...It was the right choice. The best choice. You can't fault them for denying any further ties with their families." However, before Ken could get another word in, Rachel proceeded with the previous subject, "But back to the main point of this, even with the new Maous, the Devils were still on the brink of extinction, so that was when our great Beelzebub-sama created this, the Evil Piece System." She gestured to the chess piece Ken held in his hand. "It was with these that we could repopulate the Devil race, turning other species into our Devil servants, our Peerage. At first, it was only the Pure-Blooded High-Class Devils who obtained these Peerages, but, as a form of motivation for Reincarnated Devils, they offered the chance for them to be able to someday promote to High-Class and obtain their own Peerage. This is something that can only be done through three methods: Forming many Devil pacts with humans, military accomplishments, or performing admirably in the sport known as the Rating Game."

"Rating Game?"

"Something we will discuss at a later date, but not at the moment." Rachel said, satisfying Ken so she didn't have to halt her own explanation to start another one. "The Devils admired the human's game of chess, similar to the game you know as Shogi, and used that as the basis for our Evil Pieces. Each Evil Piece is based off of a piece from chess, each piece possessing its own unique ability."

"Like what? I don't get what could possibly be very unique after I got shot through the chest by lasers." Ken said. "I don't get how you can get more unique than that."

"Actually, normal blasts of demonic power are fairly common for most Devils with demonic power."

"Oh."

"Now, as I told you, each piece has a different trait in terms of the set." Rachel clarified, pulling out pieces from her supernatural chess set. "First, we have the [Rook], the figurative tank of any Evil Piece set. They are both an unstoppable force and an immovable object, possessing drastically high offensive power that overwhelms most enemies in physical confrontation and high defensive power to the point they would be what you humans call "bullet-proof"."

"Sounds like a tough one to beat." Ken said.

"They _are_ strong," Rachel agreed, "but not invincible. Their high offensive and defensive statuses come at the cost of mobility. They aren't very fast, so they are usually heavily outmatched by opponents with superior speeds."

"Makes sense."

"Then we have the [Knight], the cavalier." Rachel said, pointing to the piece Ken was moving between his fingers. "Their attribute is incredible speed and mobility, the exact opposite of the Rook. They are able to move faster than the eye can perceive, able to vanish without a trace, their target unaware of their position until they feel the sword piercing their hearts. Unfortunately, as I said, they're the exact opposite of the Rooks. In this case, their weakness is their vulnerability to powerful attacks. If any part of them is injured, especially their legs which they rely heavily upon, it will prove extremely detrimental to their fighting ability."

"Wouldn't that be the case for every other piece too?" Ken reasoned, casually tossing his Knight piece into the air and catching it several times. "I mean, if your legs get busted, moving around will be a pain in the ass."

"True, but for a speed and mobility-type fighter such as a Knight, that cripples most of their options in combat." Rachel countered. "Their speed is their primary weapon. Take that away and they are like sheep before a wolf."

"I see..." Ken said.

"You should pay a bit more attention, Ichijou," Rachel said, reaching over the desk and snatching the Knight piece back from his hands, "These are the traits you will be dealing with as my servant after all."

"Hm?" Ken leaned in, suddenly interested.

"You are a Knight." Rachel clarified. "Back when I brought you back, I used one of my Knights to bring you back, so pay attention."

"So I'm a Knight, huh?" Ken reiterated to himself. "That's cool. I expected something more significant like Queen or maybe Pawn coz those guys can probably do the same thing they do in normal chess and become other pieces, but I guess a Knight is just as good. Still has that protagonist-type feel to it, I guess. Does this mean I can run at like Mach 5 or whatever? If I run fast enough, can I run over water? Coz I wouldn't mind running over to Belgium for some tasty Belgian Waffles or maybe America for those tasty-looking American chili dogs."

"Focus."

"Ooh! I could go to Germany for some real-deal bratwurst! Or maybe France for some french fries!"

"French fries weren't invented in France."

"And I could go to-" Ken paused, wiping the drool from his mouth as he turned to Rachel. "Hm?"

Rachel crossed her arms. "French fries aren't actually of French origin." She corrected. "They originated in Belgium when-Wait, why am I discussing your greasy, fattening human-world food!?"

"I dunno. Why _are_ you?"

"Because you started talking about all of this stupidity about food and-!" Rachel stopped herself, taking a deep breath before calming down. "Forget it! Let's just continue with explanations about Evil Pieces."

"OK! Continue on, my adorbs Master-Friend~!"

Rachel shot him a sharp look, but said nothing in response to Ken's lack of subservience. "Continuing from whence I left off, the next piece to discuss is the clergyman, the Bishop."

"Bishop?" Ken asked, interrupting the lesson once again. "Isn't that a position in the Church?"

"What?"

"I mean, yeah, a Bishop is a position in the Church." Ken pointed out. "Like, did they even consider that while making the Evil Pieces or did they just not notice? Is it meant as some kind of irony or what! It's literally referred to as "the clergyman"! I mean, they should probably have named it "Evil Bishop" or "Demon Mage" or something, but calling it a Bishop makes it sound as though they didn't put too much thought into it when they were basing the Evil Pieces on-" He froze when his ahoge began to twitch.

And that was when a small beam of energy shot past Ken, viciously grazing his cheek and poking a small hole in the wall behind him. In front of Ken, Rachel was smiling maliciously with a small magic circle formed at the end of her finger, smoking from the released attack.

"Ichijou, if you keep interrupting me like this with stupid comments, I might not miss next time."

If Ken wasn't infatuated with her before, he certainly was now.

"I'll be good." He quickly crossed his legs and placed his hands in his lap, sitting up straight at attention.

"Good. Now, the Bishop is considered the support of the group." Rachel pulled out another piece from her suitcase. "Their trait is increased magical power, both offensive and defensive. However, they lack the physical traits of either the Knight or Rook, so they are something of glass cannons. They have to keep aware of their surroundings and reserve energy in order to defend themselves."

"Sounds rough."

"It is something that depends upon the magical ability of the individual." By the time Ken took notice, she had already pulled out the two remaining types of pieces in her set. "I would go into deep explanation about Pawns, but you have already guessed their abilities once before."

"Promotion to other pieces 'cept King?"

"Exactly." Rachel picked up the Pawn and showed it more closely to Ken. "The Pawns serve as the foot soldiers of the group and, despite their initially weak state, they are key pieces in any game, able to Promote inside enemy territory or with permission from their Kings." Rachel quickly proceeded to the next and final piece. "Finally, we come to the empress, the Queen. Considered the strongest piece, the Queen carries the traits of all other pieces aside from King and has none of their weaknesses."

"Sounds OP." Ken noted.

"Why do you think there's only one of them?"

"Fair point."

Rachel laid all of her pieces out for Ken to see. "Now you know the names and properties of all of the Evil Pieces that serve the King." She gave a dramatic sweep of her hand through the air above her pieces. "You were reborn as my Knight as well as the first of many servants to serve under me, Ken Ichijou."

"Nnneat."

The grandiose atmosphere in the air was completely ruined by Ken's nonchalant response, causing Rachel to lose her smile. "Let us move on to the next matter at hand then." There was no point lingering, especially when there were more important things to take care of. "As I believe I told you, I have unfortunately been unable to acquire additional servants for my Peerage-"

"Because your people skills suck, yeah."

Rachel closed her eyes, sighing as she pointed her hand at Ken.

DOOON!

A large burst of demonic power shot from her hand, smacking right into Ken and discharging a powerful, electrical current throughout his entire body.

By the time it finally ceased, Ken was left laying on the ground, charred and smoking with a scent like overcooked barbecue.

"Because of my difficulty obtaining new servants despite these promising candidates," Rachel continued, indifferent to the black smoke rising from her half-dead servant's body, "I have reasoned that a new course of action must be taken."

"Oh?" Ken wondered, dusting the soot off of his body. "And what's that?"

" _You_ , Ken Ichijou, will be the one to convince them."

There was a long, awkward silence as Ken contemplated what Rachel had just said. "Come again?"

Rachel leaned back in her seat, drumming her fingers against the tabletop as she considered how to best explain it. "As you have said, commoners have great difficulty understanding my words and their meaning." Even though Ken wanted to correct her just to see her get adorably mad again, he didn't feel like getting blasted again. "The only other method left to me is to recruit them through an ambassador acting on my behalf."

"And because I'm your only servant, that's me, right?" Ken guessed, pointing to himself. Rachel nodded.

"I will be counting on you to relay my message to them to join me as my servant." Rachel said. "Promise them wealth, power, fame, women, men, women _and_ men, people of an unspecific gender, whatever it is you think would best convince them."

"Wait, will I be lying to them?"

"It isn't a lie if it's true." Rachel said. "Little things like that are easy to obtain as a Devil given a little hard work and effort. Even a court jester like you could obtain wealth that rivals even the most fortunate human of your world as a Devil."

Ken scratched his head. "Hmm...Nah, I'm not really interested in-Huh? Court jester. What does that-never mind. I'm not really interested in stuff like that." He said, letting out a light yawn. He grinned. "There are only two things I want in this world: Hot babes and a good fight!...Not necessarily in that order~"

"Is that all?" Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow at Ken's desires.

"Pretty much-Oh wait! And food!" Ken added. "Lots and lots of food! Good women, good fights, and good food. That's just about all I desire out of this world."

Despite her better judgment, a small smile appeared on Rachel's face. "A simplistic creature, aren't you?"

"Yep!" Ken agreed. "It's much better to live simply and happily than make things complicated with stupid things like "I want more power" or "I want to rule a kingdom" or stuff like that."

"I see." Rachel examined Ken with slightly more interest (or perhaps curiosity). "Well, that aside, I've compiled dossiers on each of the potential servants I have been looking into since coming to Japan." She reached into her desk's drawers and pulled out a large stack of files, tossing them onto the desk in front of her. There were about three in total. "I have narrowed them down to the best of those still available to me." She pulled out one file and opened it, an uncharacteristic scowl appearing on her face. "This one was available until recently..." She tossed the file to the side, Ken not daring to react to the motion. "There were originally eight candidates, but, unfortunately, over half of them were stolen out from under me."

"Stolen?"

"Yes, they were targeted by a certain someone who was well-aware I was looking for them. She obtained the information I had gathered while I was not paying attention and recruited them before I could even attempt to. Now only four of the original candidates remain."

"Oh...yeah. I thought you were being all holier-than-thou and treating people like possessions, but, in this situation, that _does_ sound a lot like they were stolen." It was hard not to notice how angered the subject was getting Rachel. He reached for the files on the desk, staring curiously. "By _who_ though?"

As if by some invisible cue, the door to the shed opened, revealing a certain girl wearing a soft, loving smile.

"Oh, dear Rachel," The girl said, brushing her long, blue hair behind her ear, "have you been spreading all of these mean rumors about me again?"

"You!" Rachel said it in the same way that Ken's dad would say "Those damned illegals!".

Ken was likewise in shock, but for a different reason. He reached for his chest, his eyes going wide as he caught the girl's gaze, a wide smile breaking across her face.

The same gaze he had seen moments before it twisted into hate followed by a severe pain in his chest courtesy of a demon blast through his organs.

"Oh...shit."

The gaze of his killer, the girl Rachel had called Arianna Glasya-Labolas.

"Oh, I'm so happy to see you again, Darling~!"

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 2: The Sword-Witch - Chris Rosencrantz

* * *

And completion! I hope you've all enjoyed the second installment of DxD:Neo Vol 1! Next chapter will reintroduce Shirou's stalker/killer, a sexy sword-wielding mage with an eccentric personality to match Ken's, as well as lots and lots of Boke and Tsukkomi! Stay tuned~!

Please read and review lots and lots!


	3. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 2

Arianna: What fun! It's my turn to do a Disclaimer!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi You had best support the official release and, more importantly, Darling.

* * *

DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 2: The Sword-Witch - Chris Rosencrantz

"Oh, Darling~ I'm so relieved to see you are alright! Even after our fight, you still came back to me!"

"Huh?"

Out of the many things Ken had rendered no longer impossible as a result of his recent reincarnation as a Devil, being hugged and embraced as a lover by the girl who had murdered him via the exploding of many of his vital organs was not one of them. When the blue-haired murderess had appeared in the doorway to Rachel's dainty shed, Ken had been certain a fight was about to break out. Now he wasn't quite sure _how_ to feel, his face being embraced and smothered by his would-be-killer's surprisingly perky bust. Fighting the guilty pleasure that consumed him as a man was futile. He didn't so much as make a peep as Arianna continued to nuzzle her face against his, hugging him tightly. She was crazy, but she was _sexy_ and crazy and it was significantly harder to ignore her crazy sexiness so up-close and personal.

"Ahem!" It was the sound of Rachel clearing her throat that snapped Ken out of his breast-induced stupor. His ahoge twitched, Ken's eyes turning in their sockets to glimpse the demonic aura that had surrounded Rachel. "Aren't you getting just a _little_ too friendly with the woman who is responsible for your demise, Ichijou? I understand a commoner like you has a limited mental capacity, but even a pig would not stick its member in the butcher's crevice."

"And that's the story of how I became a vegan." With that, Ken immediately separated himself from Arianna. "Thanks for that lovely image, Rachel...I..." He scratched his head. "I just don't really know how to cope with that. I mean...ugh...I don't think I'm going to be eating pork ever again...I'll have to substitute with beef..."

"I thought you were going vegan?"

"Beef isn't vegan!?"

"Dear Maou, you are an idiot."

"Oh, look at you, Rachel," Arianna said, unimpressed. "You always know how to spoil someone else's fun, insulting Darling so casually."

"I wouldn't have to be insulting if his IQ wasn't as low as yours."

"You're always such a venomous little brat, and yet you wonder why you don't have any friends." Arianna taunted, letting out a small sigh.

"Th-That's not true!" Rachel snapped, trying (and failing) to retain her cool. "I have an ample number of friends!"

"Oh?" Arianna wondered. "Like who? Name one."

Rachel paused. "I...I don't have to do anything for you." She refused, clearly trying to avoid admitting the truth.

"Is there a reason you can't tell me about one of them?"

"W-Well...I...uh..." Rachel, having once been so calm and composed, was suddenly stuttering, unable to properly voice a single thought.

"Is it because they don't exist?"

"..." Rachel glared at her. It was adorable, seeing a girl only a little more than half his size glaring at her. It was so hard to take seriously. "Stop giggling!"

"Hehehe~ I'm sorry, it's just a little funny!" Arianna said in a way that seemed vaguely familiar to Ken. "Normally, cute girls like you could easily get away with being sociable and having no friends or being unsociable but having lots of friends, but you're the worst-case-scenario~! The loner is a bonafide loner after all~! Hehehehe~"

Ken stared, scratching his head. "Wow...this sounded so much funnier when I was saying it." Ken turned to Rachel. "Did I really sound that mean?" Rachel didn't respond. She just averted her eyes. "Oh!...Oh..." Ken frowned, looking from Rachel to Arianna. "Um, Glasya-Labolas-san-Know what? I'm just gonna call you "Ari" because both of your names are too long-Ari, you're wrong about what you said before."

"Hm?" Arianna leaned in closer, clearly interested in what Ken had to say.

"Rachel does have a friend." Even Rachel was looking curious, having snapped out of her funk to stare at Ken. He grinned, pointing to himself. "It's me!"

Rachel stared, eyes wide. "Ichijou..."

"Ufufufufu~ Is that right?" Arianna asked, completely ruining any positive mood that was about to ensue. "Were you so desperate that you had to reincarnate someone into your servant in order to make a friend, Rachel?"

"Not true!" Ken denied. " _I_ was the one who asked _her_ to be friends, don't ya know?! We became friends just yesterday and we've been besties ever since! Since before I even met you!"

"Since...before me...?" The terrifying look that appeared on Arianna's face was one both Ken and Rachel made sure to erase from their memories to avoid suffering severe mental trauma. She was certainly the jealous-type, that was for sure.

"That's right! Rachel and I became so close that she even told me her three sizes!"

"DON'T BE AN IDIOT!" Rachel screamed, her face steaming red as she shot Ken with another blast of demonic power.

"Oh come on, Rachel~ Don't be so shy~" Ken teased, his hair black and smoking. "We're besties after all~!"

There was a loud _slap_ as Rachel face-palmed. "Oh for the love of-" He glared at both her servant and the young woman trespassing in her "base". She pointed at Ken. "You! Shut up about your perversions! And _you_!" Rachel pointed at Arianna. "Get out! I have nothing to say to you!"

As if suddenly realizing Rachel was there, Arianna's expression changed to an unimpressed one. "And since when did I say I came here to speak to you at all?" She pointed out. However, her condescending expression quickly changed to a dreamy one. "I only came here because I heard that Darling had come back even from the doors of Death and I just had to let him know how sorry I was for our little fight. I'm just so happy he came back just to see me again."

"I have never heard anything more idiotic, ridiculous, or inaccurate as the words that just came out of your mouth." Ken said, deadpan.

"Then you clearly you've never heard anything you've ever said." Rachel retorted, even more deadpan.

However, none of the words appeared to have been processed by Arianna, the blue-haired girl lost in her own little world. "Oh, Darling, I'm so sorry if I hurt you!" She said, teary-eyed. "Those cold words you said drove me over the edge! It drove me to madness and beyond! When you spoke those cold words of rejection towards me, I could not help but desire to inflict upon you the same pain you inflicted upon me! But here we are, causing each other the same pain!"

"No," Rachel denied, eyes half-lidded, "I'm pretty sure you caused more."

"I regretted it the moment I left your poor corpse laying there on the ground!"

"Somehow, I highly doubt that."

"But here you are, returned to the world of the living once more by the miracle tool of our great Maou-sama!" The blue-haired woman quickly closed the gap between her and Ken, wrapping her arms around him in a gentle embrace. "Oh Darling, is there any possible way I could ever get you to forgive me for what I've done?!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Rachel snapped. "Even an idiot like Ichijou would never forgive his own murder-"

"Sure, why not?"

"I STAND CORRECTED!"

"I'm so relieved!" Arianna squealed, tightening her embrace. "Oh Darling, let us never fight again! I'll be sure to give you lots and lots of affection in order to make up for how naughty I was!"

"Hehehehehe~" It was hard to tell how much Ken actually heard due to how quickly he was melting in her embrace, as if all was right with the world. "Hugs are nice~"

"Ichijou!" Rachel snapped. "That's the girl who blew out most of your organs! Show a little indignation!"

"I would, but her hugs are just so amazing~" Ken sighed, completely unconcerned with the situation. "And she seems genuinely remorseful~"

"What if she's just trying to kill you again!?" Rachel pointed out.

Ken considered the question before shrugging. "Who cares?" He smiled brightly. "I prefer to live everyday so that, when I die, it will be without regrets!"

Both females stared at him, Arianna immediately glomping Ken even harder. "Darling's so pure that he glitters." She smiled, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. "What say I take you home with me and then you can be _my_ adorable servant?"

"Rejected!" Ken suddenly smacked her arms away, immediately backing up towards Rachel, a more serious expression on his face. "You almost had me there! Trying to convince me with your smile and surprisingly soft and warm hugs, well guess what: I'm not falling for it!"

 _"You already did."_ Rachel said mentally, staring as he casually let himself be pet on the head by the taller girl. _"Idiot!"_

"Besides," Ken said, grinning, "I kind of owe Rachel my life in the most literal sense of the phrase." He let out a small laugh, much to the surprise of the two women. "It would kind of be a dick move for me to just up and abandon her for another woman. I'd be like that type of loser husband who runs out on his wife and child!"

"What a depressing comparison!"

""Child"?!" That was apparently the only thing Arianna got from that. She immediately turned to Rachel, giving her the stink-eye. " _That woman_!" She immediately bypassed Ken, appearing in front of the short girl, her malicious aura pouring off from her so strongly that Rachel could literally _taste_ it. " _How dare you ensnare my Darling Ken-chan with the brat growing in that whorish womb of yours?! If it weren't for you, Ken-chan would be all mine!_ "

"Are you serious!?" Rachel snapped. "What world are you living in, you dunce!? Ichijou, tell her!"

"Oh, don't be jealous, Rachel~" Arianna said, raising a chibi-sized Ken in her arms. "Darling is just naturally drawn to more _gifted_ women~!"

It wasn't hard to tell what "gifts" she was referring to and that only made Rachel more determined to kill both of them.

"So what will it take?"

"Huh?" Rachel suddenly stiffened at Arianna's question, narrowing her eyes. "What will what take?"

"Darling, of course." Arianna said, petting Ken as though he were some kind of dog. "I was so angry with him before that I didn't even think to reincarnate him as my Devil servant, but since you've already gone ahead and done it, it would be much simpler if you just gave him to me. With Darling as a Devil, I'll be able to stay with him for as long as I live and, as my servant, he'll make the perfect love slave~!"

"I don't know what a "love slave" is, but it sounds like a really fun game!" Ken said with a child-like joy.

"Stop flipping between perverted and innocent! Be a more consistent character-GAK!" Rachel hunched over, coughing clutching her throat. _"Damn it, I've been Tsukkomi-ing so much that my voice has gone hoarse!"_

Ken rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno. Being only one type of character sounds boring." He said with a sigh. "Besides, I'm the protagonist of my own life, so I should be allowed to behave however I wish!"

"That's right~!" Naturally, his stalker/murderer agreed with him.

 _"I really don't know what's going on here anymore..."_ Rachel decided, rubbing her temples in frustration. "What is all this nonsense about you wanting Ichijou?"

Arianna blinked, her expression suddenly becoming more serious, more charismatic. "Well, isn't it obvious? We both know Ken-chan has an incredible power inside of him." She pointed out. "On top of him being the first of my boyfriends to survive our first fight-" Both of the room's other occupants shivered at that comment. "-Ken-chan would probably flourish much better under someone who actually knew what to do with that power of his. I'll bet you don't even know what it is yet, do you?"

Rachel glowered at her, but didn't respond.

"Even though I only got close to him one time-"

"When you liquefied my insides," Ken interjected.

"-I could sense it then and there." Arianna pointed a dramatic finger at Ken. "The power resting within Ken-chan's soul is that of a Dragon!"

.

.

.

Ken blinked twice, turning his index finger on himself. "Me?" From the shocked expression that appeared on Rachel's face, Ken assumed that meant something important.

"A Dragon? Are you sure?"

"As sure as you're from a failing family~"

"That's such a cheap shot!"

"You failing in every regard makes it too easy~"

"That's it! Get out of here!"

"Oh come now. Surely the heiress of the Astaroth family isn't so petty as to let a few little insults get under your skin?" Arianna taunted, smirking. "Then again, this is the same heiress who couldn't even perceive her own servant's power, so it's probably expected." She giggled. "Your starting point was already so low that it'll take you decades to catch up to me. No matter how you try to think about it, Ken-chan's amazing power is absolutely wasted on you." Rachel didn't retort, instead lowering her gaze towards the ground with an uneasy expression on her face.

Ken scratched his cheek, turning to Rachel. "Is my power really that incredible?" At first, he had though Rachel was exaggerating or meant it was incredible in comparison to humans, but with the way Arianna was talking about it as though it were synonymous with a weapon of legend, Ken couldn't help but feel more curious.

Clearly troubled, Rachel nodded. "Yes. Even though I had only just learned that it was the power of a Dragon, your power was incredible." Rachel narrowed her eyes when she glanced at the still-smug Arianna before turning back to Ken. "A majority of the Night Course with even a shred of sensory abilities was able to detect it immediately. Where you were, where you were looking, we were able to tell all of it because of the overwhelming presence of that power."

"Hm?" Ken tilted his head. "I mean, I was always pretty great, but I wouldn't call myself overwhelming. There are still professional fighters who could probably kick my ass."

"That's part of the reason no one dared to approach you, Ichijou."

"The sudden tone shift tells me shit's about to get real." Ken noted.

However, Rachel continued regardless of Ken's idiocy, "The question wasn't how much power you had, but whether or not you were aware of it. Sacred Gear, that is the name of the power you possess, a tool created by the original God and granted to humanity. Some of them have mundane abilities, but there are others that have the power to pose threats to even us Devils and other members of the world you humans refer to as "supernatural". If you had this power and were properly aware of it, it could have resulted in pure chaos if one of us was too reckless in approaching you."

"I was so shy when I first noticed Darling staring at me through the window that day." Arianna cooed, looking more aroused than nervous. "I felt like he was going to snatch me up in his arms and whisk me away so that we may elope together~"

"Don't have such weird fantasies in the middle of a serious conversation!" Rachel snapped. _"Ugh! I did Tsukkomi again!"  
_

The only thing that surprised her in that situation was the fact that she didn't hear some kind of joke, pun, or idiotic remark from her new Knight. Instead of seeing him with some sort of grin or smirk on his face, Rachel was stunned to see the Knight sitting in the corner, curled up while staring curiously at his hands with a truly innocent wonder.

"So, Rachel," Ken said, none of his usual humor in his voice, "is that power really so amazing?"

"Y-Yes."

"Hmmmm..." He stood up from his seat. "In that case, I'll be counting on you to teach me how to use it. If it's that kind of power, it seems like something I could put to good use. You brought me back because of this power, so it's your responsibility, got it?"

Rachel closed her eyes, sighing as she extended her hand.

Ken Ichijou was once again roasted by the Devil's demonic power.

"Don't you dare think you can order me around." Rachel growled, annoyed. She took a deep breath, calming down. "Still, I suppose it would be prudent to teach you how to use the power you have been so ignorant of." He turned to Arianna, narrowing her eyes. "After all, there's no way I would ever hand you over to that spoiled sow."

"What did you call me?" Arianna growled, a vein popping up on her forehead.

"Who else has bribed the authorities of this town several dozen times to get away with murdering humans?" Rachel countered, sounding condescending. It was only then that Ken really started to take notice.

"Oh no, another tone shift! We'll lose our credibility at this rate!"

The smell of burning Ken quickly ended up filling the air once again.

"Ichijou, if you ever want to know one thing about the world you have entered, know that it is one filled with cruelty and unfairness." Rachel said, not taking her eyes off of Arianna for even a moment. "Many people will show you many faces, many facades, and Arianna Glasya-Labolas is just another one of them. She's vain and arrogant as well as dangerous. I believe that made itself known well enough when you two first properly met. Her family is one of the few with the same level of influence as they had a hundred years ago. Even though she's done a lot of horrible things to humans, she's never once been penalized, not even by the ones who monitor and police the non-human students at Kuoh Academy, the Underground Student Council. She bribes and blackmails anyone who stands her way, doing whatever she pleases to get that which she desires."

"Really?"

"Yes." Rachel confirmed. "Don't you think it's at least a little strange how the woman who murdered you in the middle of an inhabited area is still allowed to casually return to our school let alone our town?"

"Well, yeah, now that you mention it." Ken scratched his cheek. "I just thought that was some kind of diplomatic immunity you Devils had when it came to humans. So you _can't_ just kill anyone unrelated to the supernatural?"

"Well," Rachel averted her eyes, "not anymore."

"That's an unsettling response."

"It was a hundred years ago-"

"Wow, with how often that specific time period has been mentioned, a lot of stuff must have been going on during that time period." Ken noted.

"It was a hundred years ago," Rachel restarted as if Ken hadn't spoken, "that the many mythologies were forced into another war. For once in their long history of bloodshed and destruction, the Devils, Angels, and Fallen Angels had come together, uniting many other factions and mythologies under their banner, to combat a powerful enemy, a terrorist group known as the Khaos Brigade. Although it was minor insurrections at first, the events that followed their rise became known as the Second Great War. It was a conflict with so much chaos and carnage that it would have surpassed seven of your World Wars combined."

"They were that strong?!" Ken asked with a bit more excitement than Rachel was comfortable with.

"It wasn't merely physical strength they possessed." Rachel explained. "Although, I will admit, they clearly did not have any shortage of it. No, it was their charisma, the way in which they manipulated and warped the minds of others into acting as puppets in their plans. Amidst the war, they deceived many Reincarnated Devils, many of them having been turned into Devils or controlled against their will, to rebel against their masters."

""Deceived" seems like a strong word." Ken noted, his expression passive. "Makes it sound as though it wasn't something they wanted to do. If they were made into Devils against their will and/or abused by their masters, it's no different than a pet desperately wanting to escape the owner who kicks and drags them by the neck all the time."

Rachel considered his argument. "You weren't wrong. The Devils were so focused on the enemy opposing them that they failed to notice the enemy growing within their own metaphorical womb." The subtle glances/glares at Arianna did not go unnoticed by Ken. "The Khaos Brigade took the perfect advantage we had all but handed to them as a result of our traditional, egotistical values. That was why, after the war, legislation was passed to increase the rights of humanity in the world of non-humans making activities such as "servant hunting" and "murder" carrying just as much weight in the eyes of the law as your human justice system." The glare she directed at Arianna became far more pronounced. "But it appears that, just as your race's system, ours is full of just as many holes."

"Oh, don't be like that, Rachel." Arianna said, her smile looking a lot less adorable in Ken's eyes now. "Like Darling was as first, the other ones were so cold and cruel...One of them dumped me on the first date...another said he thought my hair color was weird...and the previous one thought that I was crazy. He called me _crazy_ , a nutjob...Ufufufu~ Then they all went away, continuing to ignore me with no motion..."

A chill rolled down Ken's spine. Whatever humor or lightheartedness had existed before was gone completely with no chance of recovery.

The smile that appeared on Arianna's face, the way she spoke about all of the "others", there was no doubt in Ken's mind that she meant all of the other boys who caught her eye. His thoughts wandered back to his recent "final moments" back on the bridge, after he had been fatally wounded-

[He has a fucking hole blasted through his torso and was left to rot! Who else but that sick, yandere fuck does stuff like that?! This is the fourth time this month!]

That was what one of the voices had said. Ken had been the fourth one that month and he was sure that there were many more before him.

It wasn't even a question of whether or not they were dead...

It was a question of how much they suffered, how much they screamed before the void took them.

Underneath her attractive body and cute smile, Arianna Glasya-Labolas was a true Devil in the worst possible sense.

It was a bit relieving to have all of his doubts gone. All he could do was keep himself from frowning, avoid any kind of change in expression.

"They all sound like total D-bags." Ken agreed passively. Rachel turned to him in shock, wondering if he could possibly be that stupid or if he was just a sociopath.

"Oh, I knew Darling would agree." Arianna said, hugging him tightly. "I'm so jealous! I wish I had thought to make you my servant, Darling."

"Well you _didn't_." Rachel snapped coldly. "And, as I'm sure you know, he's _my_ property, Arianna." This time, there was no room for argument in the smaller girl's voice. She stared at Arianna. Arianna, still holding Ken in her arms, stared right back. It was clear that the fact that Arianna was still smiling confidently only intensified the feelings of animosity between the two women.

"Ladies, ladies~ Please don't fight over me~" Ken said in a way that they assumed was him trying to be charming. "There's more than enough of Ken Ichijou to go around~"

Rachel stared with half-lidded eyes, her lip curled in disgust. "On second thought, take him."

Rather than the cheer of joy and affection that Ken had expected from his would-be murderer/stalker, all he found on her face was a dull expression. As if the whole situation had suddenly become boring to her. It was hardly a small blow to Ken's ego.

"I really want Darling..." She narrowed her eyes in disgust at Rachel. "...but it's no good when you give him up without a fight. I would only be satisfied if I ripped him out of your hands with you crying and screaming." She sighed as if she hadn't said something abnormally sick and cruel. "Oh well, I guess that will have to wait for another day." She turned to Ken, smiling brightly again. "Be sure to become nice and friendly with Rachel, Ken-chan. I want it to be satisfying when I take you away from her. Her troubled and sad expressions are the best, especially when she cries a little. See you later."

With that, Arianna Glasya-Labolas left, leaving the loli Devil and the upbeat moron alone once more.

Once he was certain that Arianna was out of earshot, Ken let out a loud, breath-like groan that sounded almost like a sigh. "Damn, what a bitch."

"Funny coming from the boy who was clinging to her legs like a lecherous dog."

"Funny coming from the girl who was about to pick a fight she knew she wouldn't have been able to win." Ken held up a finger to silence Rachel. "Tell me, if I had reacted with disgust and told her "Get away from me, you fucking psycho" or "You're still not my type", do you think that _really_ would have helped the situation in anyway? If I hadn't played the comic relief, you would have picked a fight, you would have lost, and I would have either been killed or turned into her personal toy, which would make me happy as a man but unhappy as a person."

"Wait..." Rachel examined him, looking for some form of a lie. "...were you actually _thinking_ over the course of that conversation?"

"A little offended by how surprised you sound, but yes," Ken confirmed, "I was thinking." He frowned as he noticed her continued stare of confusion. "She's a narcissistic yandere and you're a tsundere with a short fuse. That's like putting a ticking time-bomb down next to a child who likes to kick things for fun."

"And the whole burying your face into her breasts?" Rachel asked, unconvinced.

"When you're thrown into the den of a lioness, the only way to survive is to pretend to be one of her cubs."

"And if that lioness just so happens to rip her cub's throat open?"

"Then it means you never stood a chance to begin with." He paused, then added, "It was the best course of action." Rachel rolled her eyes as Ken chuckled to himself. "But seriously though, what's with that chick? What was her beef with you?"

"That's just how Arianna's been for a long time." Rachel said with an odd tone in her voice. "As for why she and I despise one another, that's a personal matter for a later date."

"Awwww! I was hoping for some more story time!" Ken pursed his lips, shoving his hands into his pockets. "She was pretty strong though...I could tell just by looking at her and comparing the two of you." His face became pensive as he descended deep into thought. "I've been in a lot of fights before, but that was the first time I've felt serious killing intent like that. Arianna's killing intent was no joke either." Ken made an air-rimshot, grinning in response to Rachel's glare. "But seriously, that chick is crazy with a capital D-cup!"

"And you didn't fall for her sexual allure in the slightest?" Rachel asked, still doubtful.

"Oh come on Rachel~" Ken scoffed. "Do you think I'm that much of an idiot?"

The Devil narrowed her eyes. "I'm not answering that."

"Oh come on, she's _crazy_!" Ken repeated, throwing his arms up. "Even a total dunce knows the #1 rule: You never-EVER-stick your dick in crazy. That's, like, the basics of the basics."

"...Well, regardless of your true feelings-"

"I don't like her," Ken interjected, "even before I found out she was a total whacko right off the crazy train from Hell (literally), I learned my lesson a long time ago about the clingy types. She's not my type."

"She's a young, beautiful woman with a pulse."

"Damn, do I seem that shallow?" Ken shrugged, shaking his head. "Sorry, babe, but a set of large, malleable breasts isn't all I look for in a woman." He grinned, making a grabbing motion with his hands. "What I like is to grab a nice handful of a hot, tight ass~! I'm an ass-man~!"

"I wonder if it's too late to trade for a new Knight piece."

"Hm?"

"What?" Rachel shook her head. "Anyway, Arianna is a very dangerous person and part of the reason as to why we need to gather powerful comrades. She already has over half of a full set of servants and she'll only be more powerful if she obtains a complete set before I do."

"That and you want to rub your powerful servants in her face?"

"A little bit." Rachel admitted. "We only have two known candidates remaining who are available at the moment. I need you to convince them by any means necessary if I am to have any hope of bringing them to our side."

"Sounds like a plan." Ken agreed, looking at the files on the desk. "So all I gotta do is find these two shmucks aaand...bring them to you?"

"That's right." Rachel confirmed, handing one of the files to Ken. "This one's a higher priority of the two, so I want you to find her first. If Arianna gets to them or if something happens to this person in any way, there may be no replacement."

"Roger, boss-lady! Knight-1 is on the case! I won't rest, I will not stop, I will not return until I have convinced her!"

* * *

"Racheeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, I wanna come hoooooome!" Tears poured from Ken's eyes as he sobbed.

[Ichijou, you got lost, didn't you?]

"I couldn't figure out where to change my train, or where I was supposed to get off in the first place, and then I realized I didn't even know where the meeting place _is_!"

[What train!? I sent you down a few blocks! How far did you go!?]

[Well, I remember a stop in Tokyo...]

[There's a limit to how much of a loser you can be, you know.] Rachel sighed. [Do you have a map?]

"I have a globe."

On the other end of the line, Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose. [This conversation is going nowhere. Where are you right now?]

"I'm at home."

[Don't use your homing instinct!] Even from where he sat on his couch, Ken could practically _hear_ Rachel's mind regretting many of her decisions in life. [Look, you know the local McDonald's?]

"You Makudonarudo-san?"

[...Yes. "Makudonarudo-san". I'm arranging for our friend to meet you there. Don't screw up this time.]

"Yes, ma'am, Ms. Boss-Lady!"

* * *

"Yes, I'll get two-fi-No! Eight double cheeseburgers, seven sides of large fries, um..." Ken tapped his chin, thinking hard. "Three milkshakes with extra whipped cream, two apple pies, a 20 piece nugget meal, and a coke-no-wait! Diet coke...Hmm...Yeah, I think that's all for me."

"T-Thank you, sir," The nice lady behind the register said, sweat dropping at the order, "would you like the food in separate bags to go or-"

"Oh no, I'm eating all that here."

The register lady's eyes became dots. "Oh...O...K." Still clearly dazed, she went into the back, coming back out with a tray almost literally _overflowing_ with the food from his order. Ken reached into his pockets and slapped a handsome wad of bills onto the counter. "Thank you...come again."

"No, thank you, Nice Lady D-Cup!"

It was only several seconds after Ken left that the woman registered his words, blushing deeply and crossing her arms over her chest, glaring daggers at him.

Ken had arrived at the McDonald's ten minutes ago and there was no sign of the person he had been sent to recruit.

When he remembered he had money, and when he remembered where he was, that was when he literally _hopped_ into line. Like an impatient and excited child, he continued hopping up and down, glee written all over his face. A jolly pep in his step, he walked over to one of the vacant booths near the store's window, sliding into the seat and proceeding to gorge himself on his meal.

"God bless consumerism and diabetes-causing fast-food chains-Augh!" Ken winced from the pain for a moment...He then immediately proceeded to the stuffing of two whole burgers into his mouth, bloating his cheeks like a squirrel.

He ignored the looks of disturbance and disgust as he proceeded to bite off half of an apple pie and wash it all down with one of his shakes.

After about three seconds of chewing, he swallowed the entire mixture in one fell gulp. He grabbed a handful of fries from the pile next to him and shoved them right down his gullet.

"Ah~" He let out a sigh of relief. If he had only looked two inches to his left, he would have noticed the dark shadow speedily approaching the window. "This is the life. Nothing but me, my shake, my fries, my nuggets, my pie, my soda, and, most importantly, my tasty burger, the best beef sandwich I ever done tasted~!"

CRASH!

He had barely raised the sandwich halfway to his when the window shattered to pieces, a heavy shape smacking against the table and knocking it on its side.

His food had been thrown into the air, scattering against the floor. He didn't realize where his milkshakes had gone until-

"How revolting!" The buxom black-haired girl on the ground cried. Her shirt was torn, revealing generous portions of her breasts with most if not all of her pants shredded to pieces, exposing her pink-striped panties. She stuck out her tongue, wiping the milky-white substance from her face "What is this...? Ugh, it's so sticky!"

Ken blinked. "..."

The girl blinked back. "..."

"..."

"Do you think you could help me?" The girl asked. "I'm so wet."

"..." Ken brought his hand across the side of his face, slapping himself. He went right back to staring.

"Uh-"

"...Wanna go out sometime?"

"What?"

"I just-Wait a second!" Ken's eyes suddenly darted left and right. "Where's my sandwich!?"

The girl also appeared to be wary for several moments. Then her body tensed.

Ken's panic continued until his eyes finally came to rest on a still-neatly-wrapped burger laying amidst the "wreckage", perfectly unharmed. "Oh thank Dead-God. You're okay. Come here..."

"Look out!" Before Ken could so much as reach out his hand, the erotically-positioned girl tackled him back. Ken saw white and everything afterwards was darkness with the image of soft mountains with marshmallow texture filling his mind.

Sure it was followed by a heavy thud as his head hit the ground followed by more glass and debris being thrown about, but it was a pretty nice breast-er-ride up to that point.

The girl held Ken tight in her arms, narrowing her eyes at the...

"The fuck is _that_?" Ken thought aloud, staring at the monstrous creature that appeared through the large hole in the side of the building.

Imagine a human who had been born with a skeleton in the shape of a grasshopper, their skin covered in dark-blue scales, and a tail protruding from their hind.

That would be the most accurate description for the "thing" that appeared, scanning the restaurant like a drone looking for food.

"It's a Stray Devil!" The girl exclaimed, setting Ken on the ground. "You have to get out of here, boy! Only a sword of justice is able to vanquish such a foul creature!"

"Boy? Stray?" It was only then that Ken put the pieces together. "Wait...THAT'S a Stray Devil!? One of those runaway guys!?"

"Yes." The girl confirmed, frowning. "How do you know-"

"Look out!" That time, it was Ken's turn to tackle the girl out of the way, one of the grasshopper-demon's blade-appendages having cut straight through the air that their overall bodies had been occupying moments before.

"Thank you..." The girl said, heaving a sigh of relief. "I got carried away."

"No prob-Wait..." He sat up, looking around, alarmed. "Where is it?!"

The girl placed a reassuring hand on Ken's shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you have to get out of here!" She said. "That thing's too dangerous for a weak little human like you! I'll hold it off long enough for you to escape! Farewell!" And then she lunged at the grasshopper-demon, drawing a katana from the sheathe held at her waist.

The monster raised its blades to defend, being pushed out of the building by the vicious sword strikes of the girl.

"Bye, boob-lady!" Ken said, waving goodbye. He then immediately returned his attention to the floor, horror quickly flashing across his face. "No...No!" He scrambled across the ground, staring at the red, pile of mush laying in the middle of the wreckage. He lifted it up in his trembling hands, staring in horror. There was no edibility left in what had been a beautiful culinary masterpiece. "That was my sandwich...THAT WAS MY SANDWIIIIIICH!"

A bright sphere of light surrounded the left arm which he had raised in outrage. A large, red gauntlet with a green jewel and two golden spikes appeared from the light manifested on his arm. The metal of the gauntlet extended from the back suddenly, six more golden spikes appearing from the sides and back with a new, green gem appearing on the very back.

Ken glared at the massive beast that swung its vicious blades at the girl. She desperately leaped out of range of its swipes, wincing every time the beast landed a glancing blow or tore through her clothing. If Ken hadn't been so **absolutely livid** , he would have spent hours just staring there as the girl was stripped by the monster's oddly precise scythes. Ken's gaze was filled with rage.

 **[Boost!]**

There was an announcement from the gauntlet as the green gem on the back of his hand started to glow.

"I'MMA GONNA EXTINCT YOUR ASS!" With speed he didn't even know he possessed, he flew straight through the open hole, throwing a punch at the monstrous creature. "SACRED GEEEAAAAR!"

And that was when he was swatted out of the air like a fly. He didn't find much orientation until he smacked right into the girl, both of them taking a fall.

If not for his rage, he would have been grateful to the grasshopper for the position he had found himself in, mounted by a beautiful woman with his hand firmly grasping the girl's (incredibly soft) bosom.

For a moment, the two stared at one another.

"Hey there." Ken greeted. "We have got to stop meeting like this~"

"Probably." The girl agreed, her smile showing the same humor as his. Her eyes widened slightly as she noticed the gauntlet on his arm. "...It appears you have a Sacred Gear."

Ken stared at the gauntlet before turning back to the girl. "It appears I do."

"...You know about Devils?"

"I am one, soooo-yeah."

"...Want to help me kill a monster?"

"Fuck yeah!" He paused. "Dodge!"

The two separated just as the grasshopper's scythe came down on the position where they had been standing.

 **[Boost!]**

The gauntlet's jewel shined again.

The pair started running around the grasshopper, trying to avoid the sharp appendages it wished to bisect them with.

"So this thing...!"

"What?"

"Seriously, what the Hell is it?"

The girl raised an eyebrow. "Huh? I already told you. It's a Stray Devil!"

"I know that, but...do they all look like this?" Ken let out a yelp as he twisted his head out of the way, avoiding the strike aimed at his throat. "I mean, did his momma mate with some kind of mutant cricket!? I can't imagine what kind of freak could birth something like that!"

"DON'T YOU INSULT MY MOTHER, YOU INSIGNIFICANT F***ING HUMAN!"

"Holy shit, it talks...And it comes with its own censor!"

 **[Boost!]**

"Stay focused!" Samurai Girl (as Ken had dubbed her at that point) parried one of the strikes aimed at Ken. By that point, Grasshopper-Man appeared to be deliberately focusing his attacks on Ken, the Knight doing everything he could to avoid being overtaken by the monster's speed. "Taking your eyes off an opponent in the middle of a fight is foolish behavior, rookie!"

"Rookie?!" Ken parroted, indignant as he was pinned to the ground by the monster's scythe, gripping the edges tightly as he struggled against being turned into a living pincushion. "Chica, I've been fighting grunts and bitches since before you could walk!"

"Boy, I've been fighting these "grunts and bitches" since before you could talk!" Before their back-and-forth "game" could go on for any longer, Samurai Girl lunged at Grasshopper-Man, swinging her sword down on the creature's head. However, it swiftly moved its blades to defend itself, swinging them outward to deflect the blade and knocking the girl off-balance. Samurai Girl's eyes widened in shock and horror as Grasshopper-Man brought his scythes around to cut her into four, unpleasantly-shaped pieces.

"Look out!" Before the girl could even react, a certain, brown-haired boy leaped to her defense, arms crossed as the monster's scythes carved an x-shape over his arms and chest. Ken winced before he was dragged back to earth by gravity. Grasshopper-Man leaped forward, scythes raised to impale Ken in two different organs.

"Shit, it's the blue-haired yandere all over again!" Ken said, raising his arms in futility.

And that was when the monster's arms went flying. One flew one direction, the other flew another direction. Blue blood (LITERAL blue blood) spewed from the stumps that had once held the monster's scythe blades.

"Saved your life!" Samurai Girl called out with a grin, pressing her assault on Grasshopper-Man. Ken would have felt bad for it, the beast screaming in pain and agony, sobbing from the pain of having lost its arms, if it weren't for the fact that-

"YOU KILLED MY SANDWICH!" Ken rocked back before leaping forth back onto his feet, raising his gauntlet into the air. "I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THAAAT!"

 **[Boost!]**

"Get ready, Bug-Man!" Ken said, a powerful, almost crimson aura surrounding his body. He couldn't believe the overwhelming power that was flowing into him. "This is the day you die!"

"Piss off, you brats!" Even with his arms gone, the six, insect-like legs it possessed had rather sharp-looking stubs and, sure enough, when Samurai Girl avoided one of them just as the Bug-Man attempted to stomp on her, it pierced straight through the ground. "As if I could be killed by a lowly newborn and a pathetic human! You are only useful as food for my _children_!"

"Well, if they're yours, they must be just as ugly as you!" Ken taunted, weaving in-between the monster's legs.

"Gruuaaaaaaaugh!" If there was one thing Ken Ichijou was good at, it was probably pissing people off. It caused the bug to stumble over himself, trying to follow Ken's movement with his body rather than his eyes. In terms of mobility, six legs didn't offer much. With such a large body. He had to turn a complete one-hundred-and-eighty degree before being able to face Ken again.

 **[Boost!]**

By the time Grasshopper-Man was able to fully turn around, Ken had already sprung through the air like a frog. The gem on the back of his hand was shining a brilliant light.

"Merry Christmas, bug-man!" He poured all of his power, all of his strength into one punch. "I got you Death!" He punched Grasshopper-Man square in the chest, letting out a feral scream surpassed only by the Grasshopper-Man's scream of agony as Ken's glowing, armored fist tore straight through his flesh, bones, and internal organs, carving a massive hole straight through his upper body.

With a drawn-out fall that one would have emphasized by screaming "TIMBEEEEER!", the massive monster collapsed to the ground. Ken had already vaulted off of the creature's back before it could take him down with it, stumbling as he hit the ground.

 **[Reset!]**

Suddenly, all of the energy, all of the excitement Ken had been experiencing mere moments before, it all drained away, turning into pure exhaustion.

Samurai Girl suddenly ran up to him, staring in amazement and surprise. "That was...impressive." She said. A wide smile split her face. "It appears your justice is just as powerful as mine, boy! Are you a Stray Devil-Hunter too?"

"Uh...what...?"

Samurai Girl frowned. "Are you...Are you okay?" She tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to stumble. "Boy? Boy!?"

Ken blinked, a sensation of nausea filling his stomach as the world started to spin around him. "...I avenged...my sandwich..." And then he fell face-first, being cushioned by something soft and voluptuous as a pair of arms wrapped around his body.

And then all went dark.

* * *

The morning started with the oddest sense of deja vu.

For a dead person, Ken was surprisingly alive-feeling.

It was faint at first, when he first started to gain consciousness.

Rather, it's the fact he had any consciousness that surprised him. The sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, and sight, Ken didn't even realize them at first.

As he slowly woke from slumber, he let his eyelids slide open, giving him a brief glimpse of the white nightstand on the side of his bed. He couldn't quite figure out why due to his drowsy state, but he found himself stirring a great deal in his half-sleeping state. He heard a faint buzzing from the alarm clock that he recalled hating so much and saw the ever-blinding sunlight pouring in through his curtains.

Wishing the sun would just go away, he rolled over and shut his eyes again, throwing his arms over the large pillow laying next to him. His hand cupped a large portion of it on the other side, kneading it slightly as he tried to find the best position of comfort.

That was when his "pillow" let out a girlish squeak.

"Excuse me, but could you stop massaging my breast?"

"...Hm...I didn' know you were there..." Ken mumbled in his dazed state.

"I know we're sharing the same bed, that's no reason to start getting frisky."

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. The fact you admire my body like that, I take it as a compliment~"

"That's appreciated..." It was only then that a small spark ran through Ken's brain, reminding him that he always slept in his own bed... _alone_. "Hm?" Curious, he cracked his eyelids open just a smidge, staring as the curvaceous figure in front of him slowly turned on its side to face him, brushing strands of her long, black hair out of her face. She smiled pleasantly like an old friend would, even with all of the most erotic parts of her flesh exposed before his wandering eyes. "Oh...OK then..." His curiosity resolved, he let his eyelids slowly shut again...then open so wide his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "Uwoooh!?" He sat up so fast that he almost fell right off the bed.

"Hey there." The girl greeted casually.

"Um...hi." Ken greeted. He rubbed his chin, thinking. "I...I didn't _die_ again, did I?"

"No, you only fainted." Naked Samurai Girl corrected, sitting up in the bed, her lovely mounds and the pink nips at both of their centers bouncing around freely with nothing to restrain or cover their movement. "You gave it your best shot if it makes you feel any better. Seriously, if it weren't for that powerful Sacred Gear of yours, I would have thought you were crazy, charging a Stray Devil on your own like that." She let out a small laugh. "But I guess you had it all taken care of."

"No, I didn't." Ken admitted. "I didn't even know it was a weapon let alone how to summon it."

Naked Samurai Girl paused. "Wait, so you're saying that all of that-the whole running around and punching him randomly thing-was-"

"Dumb luck, yes." Ken confirmed, a large grin appearing on his face. "Man, if it weren't for that Sacred Gear thing, I would have kicked the bucket again for sure! Hehe~!"

"I can't believe I let an outright fool watch my back!" Naked Samurai Girl said, laughing just as much as Ken was. "But, I suppose it's better to have a well-intentioned fool at my side than a poor-intentioned schemer! I look forward to working with you more often!"

"Yeah! I-Huh?" It was that exclamation that caught Ken's attention. "When you say "working with you", do you mean...What?" He had no earthly idea what Naked Samurai Girl was talking about. "What are you talking about? Who are you? What's your name? Answer that last one first because I feel a little awkward just thinking of you as "Naked Samurai Girl". It's a bit of a mouthful."

"My name?" The girl smirked, standing up on top of the bed in spite of her fully-revealed form. "I go by many names! The Sword-Witch, the Witch-Queen, the Sword Mistress, the-" And she went on and on like that in a way that sounded too drawn-out and far too well-rehearsed. Ken's mind just kind of skimmed over these parts, his eyes staring blankly as the naked girl practically danced with the number of poses she made. "-HOWEVER-" This was about where Ken tuned back in. "-if you wish to know my true name, you may call me Christabel Marmaduke Aloysius Benita Cobweb Dornagan Eres Felicia Marie Ignatius Jayden Jasper Leilani Maxine Nellie Obiajulu Peppermint Quilliam Sexton Tali Underwood Vivatma Mayland Zepherdor Yardley Zacharias Rosencrantz the Third!"

Ken stared, foaming at the mouth in his dazed state.

"A truly beautiful name, is it not~?" Christabel Marmaduke Aloysius Benita Cobweb Dornagan Eres Felicia Marie Ignatius Jayden Jasper Leilani Maxine Nellie Obiajulu Peppermint Quilliam Sexton Tali Underwood Vivatma Mayland Zepherdor Yardley Zacharias Rosencrantz the Third was clearly unaware of the issue.

"Ah..." Ken said, dropping his fist down onto his open hand. "I'm just going to call you "Chris"."

"Absolutely not!" Chris said, her gaze suddenly ferocious.

"OK, what about "Christa"?" Ken asked, missing the issue just as badly as she had. "I'm willing to go with "Christabel", but that's my final offer!"

"Someone disrespectful like you may only address me as Christabel Marmaduke Aloysius Benita-"

"Nobody's going to remember a ridiculous name like that!" Ken snapped, looking incredulous as the two butted heads.

"Ugh!" Chris looked thoroughly affronted by Ken's remark. "How _dare_ you!? My name most certainly is _not_ ridiculous! It is a beautiful work of art! A masterpiece! A person's name is the label that defines who they are! What they will become! The beauty of my name is just as great as its length!"

"It's crazy!" Ken reiterated. "Who on Earth could possibly remember that name besides you!?"

"Rachel Astaroth remembered it." Chris defended, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, well she-" Ken made it halfway through his retort before his mind processed what Chris had said. "Wait...Rachel?" Chris nodded. Ken pointed at her. "Which means you're..." His eyes widened. "You're the guy I was supposed to meet at Makudonarudo-san yesterday?"

Chris nodded, finding amusement in Ken's shocked state. "That is correct. I was planning to come over the moment Rachel-sama had called, but I ended up side-tracked after I caught the insect Stray Devil trying to make an unwitting victim of a human. I thought I killed him after I stabbed his lower body, but I guess I missed his heart. After that, he got up and started following after me. I hadn't even realized he was there until he sent me crashing through the window of McDonald's-"

"Makudonarudo-san!" Ken corrected.

"-Makudonarudo-san," Chris corrected. "And I believe you know the story from there." Ken nodded. Chris smiled softly. "You know, I originally rejected her offer the first time..."

"Why's that?"

"I thought she was cold and overbearing," Chris explained, "that she would have been the most impossible person to work with."

"You're not wrong," Ken admitted, "but underneath that cold, dominating shell, she's actually a sweetie~"

Chris nodded. "After fighting alongside you, who was also her servant, I decided it could be an interesting experience. After familiarizing myself with her more thoroughly, I decided she was a much kinder individual than I first thought her to be."

"Yeah, she really is." Ken agreed. "I...wait. When did _you_ meet her? More importantly, how are none of my bones broken?"

"She helped me carry you home so, after I was reincarnated into her servant, a Pawn," Chris said, "we were able to use the healing techniques of the Devils to restore your body to its peak physical condition. Rachel-sama and I had a little alone time afterwards, but we spent most of the night with you."

Ken tried to pretend that didn't sound as erotic as it did.

"Wait, if Rachel spent the night, where _is_ she?"

"Down here, dimwit." It was only then that Ken noticed the large "lump" beneath the sheets, laying where he had been only moments before. Rachel's head popped out, the drowsy-looking girl rubbing her eyes as an attempt to fully wake herself up. "Glad to see you're still your normal, noisy self."

"Were you..." Ken found it hard not to think about it. "...Were you sleeping on my chest last night?...Naked?"

"Your bed was too small for three people. It was either that or suffocate sleeping close to Rosencrantz." Her eyes narrowed. "But way to make it sound creepy, you perv."

Ken shrugged. "So Chris is our newest comrade?"

"I told you!" Chris snapped, against uncaring about her stark nudity. "You may refer to me as Christabel Marmaduke-"

"If I called you "the Super Amazing Chris-sama" instead, will you let it go?" Ken asked with half-lidded eyes.

Chris suddenly sat on her knees, looking away bashfully. "The Super Amazing Chris-sama will allow this." Even though she tried to hide it, Ken could see her eyes sparkling.

Ken rubbed his temples, squinting as he tried to get over the massive headache he just noticed. "Ugh...what happened last night?" He asked almost to himself. "I mean, I know I fought a demon and everything, but I don't remember having fights that left me feeling like I had a hangover...Then again, being blitzed would explain that weird rush I had before and the weird voice I kept hearing every ten seconds or so. Rachel, I've always been crazy enough to hear voices in my head, right?"

"Was it some weird announcement that sounded like [Boost!]?" Chris asked.

"Yeah! How'd you know?"

"I heard it too." She said, scratching her cheek. "I assume it was part of your Sacred Gear's power..."

"Oh...Oh!" Ken nodded. "That'd make a lot of sense actually! So, what? It like gave me some power boosts and then says "Haha! JK~! Here's a couple bricks dropped on your skull~!" or something like that? Whatever that power was, it didn't last long after I dealt the one punch. Boost my ass..."

"Boost...?" That was when Rachel tensed up. "Did you say..."Boost"?" From the look on her face, one would have thought that the last several pieces of a particularly annoying puzzle had suddenly snapped right into place.

"Yeah." Ken confirmed. "Why? Is that important?"

"It's nothing." Obvious lie, but Ken didn't call her out on it. "Your Sacred Gear, it's called Boosted Gear, one of the thirteen Longinus."

""Longinus"?" Ken scratched his cheek. "Isn't that like the spear that killed Jesus or something?"

"Yes," Rachel confirmed, "the spear which slew the son of God was in fact known as a "Longinus", but it was also a Sacred Gear bearing the same name. Considered the strongest one, the True Longinus. As a result of a bug in the Sacred Gear System, the thirteen Longinus came into existence, all of them bearing the same power to slay the divine as the True Longinus albeit all of them being separated into different categories based on utility."

"OK..." Ken noted, raising his left arm. "...Just out of curiosity, what is Boosted Gear rated."

"Mid-tier."

"I see..." He frowned. "If it's so strong, then why was I conked out like a light after I used it...what does it even do?"

"The Boosted Gear is a Sacred Gear that allows the user to double their power every 10 seconds." Rachel explained. "If they possess enough strength, they can just keep doubling their power over and over again until they have reached the level that could kill even God."

"I'm callin bullshit, woman-lady." Ken said with a passive look on his face. "I fought that Grasshopper demon thing last night and I can tell you, for a fact, that that thing was no God. And just this "Boosted Gear" for that was enough for me to wipe out from exhaustion."

"That's because you went past your physical limits, dimwit." Rachel said. "Much like body-builders who push their muscles and bones too far, your body, having only just graduated from being that of a human, can only withstand so much power. You would feel an immense strength welling up inside of you, but once your body reached its capacity or you have used the power you have accumulated, you would be dealt a large amount of damage."

"That seems like a pretty worthless power." Ken said. "You'd be better off getting stronger by yourself."

"However hard they try, a human can only become so powerful without assistance." Rachel said in response. "Your body is considerably weak right now compared to past possessors, but if you strengthen yourself, you could someday reach the point where you could use this power indefinitely without succumbing to exhaustion like your predecessor."

Ken considered that thought, staring at his left hand. "Hmmm..." He rubbed his chin. "Rachel, my predecessor, was he really strong?"

"...He is." Rachel confirmed. "He's considered to be the strongest among all of the past Red Dragon Emperors, the ones who wielded the power of the Boosted Gear, the only one of them to have reached the level of being able to actually kill God."

"...Was he...able to fight strong opponents?"

Rachel nodded again. "Indeed. The stronger he became, the more powerful foes there were to meet him. He has faced former Fallen Angel leaders, SS-ranked criminals, descendants of the original Maous, descendants of legendary heroes, other Longinus-users, and even gods alongside the many powerful allies he had gained. It was his nature as a Dragon, a powerful existence, to have such incredible powers gather around him."

"That's all I needed to hear!" With a slight grunt, he leaped out of his bed, placing his hands on his hips as a wide grin split his face. "For a moment, you had me worried this whole Devil/Red Dragon thing was going to be easy. When you made me your servant, you told me I would be able to sate my "hunger". That'll only be possible once I've become stronger, correct?"

"That's right." Rachel confirmed, tying her hair back into pigtails. "The stronger a Dragon becomes, the more powerful the allies and adversaries who gather around it. Such is the path of those who wield the Heavenly Dragons' power. For a Heavenly Dragon who also becomes a High-Class Devil, the difficulty of opponents will also increase."

"Oooh~ Heavenly Dragons?" Ken asked, impressed. "Now _that_ is a cool title! What do you think Chris-" He did a double-take at the venomous gaze on the girl's face. "-Super Amazing Chris-sama?" She smiled, satisfied. "Heavenly Dragon, Ken Ichijou! It has a ring to it!"

"It's technically Red Dragon Emperor or "Sekiryuutei" in your case," Rachel said, correcting him. "Regardless, neither title is anything to scoff at."

"No kidding." Chris agreed. "Considering that you bear the power of a Dragon that gave even the Christian God trouble, it's no wonder you cleaned up that Stray so well!"

Suddenly, Ken perked up. "Oh yeah! I forgot! What happened to that guy!? Is he okay?!"

Chris stared, as if trying to determine his level of seriousness. "You punched a hole through his stomach...so no."

"Oh no! Will he survive?!"

"N-No!" Chris answered, jaw dropped.

Ken's concern immediately vanished. "Oh well, he was a prick anyway."

With that, Chris immediately turned to Rachel. "He's not really this... _him_ , is he?"

The silence from Rachel only served to alarm her further.

"...I think I can see how he was so easily convinced to join you."

"This is GREAT!" Ken cheered, pumping his fists into the air. "Surrounded by absolute beauties, got a legendary god-killing weapon, and I'll be able to fight really strong opponents! I'll definitely surpass my Senpais and become the strongest Sekiryuutei! Right now, _nothing_ can bring. Me. Down!"

And that was when his bedroom door opened.

"Mr. Liar, Mom says to wake up already!" Chidori said, an annoyed expression on her face as she appeared in the doorway. "Seriously, what am I? Your alarm clo-" And that was about when she noticed several "things", more specifically the "thing" dangling between Ken's legs. Her eyes repeated flitted between that and the two naked beauties sitting in the buff on his bed.

Ken froze, looking from his naked female friends, to his sister, to his junk.

"OK...Chidori, I know how this looks, but I just need you to-"

"Iyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" A flying fist to the face shut him pretty quickly.

"W-Wait, Chidori! Come on! I just-Ugauk!"

"Stupid perverts should just die!"

"Hol-Hold on, Chidori! There's a legitimate explan-Iyaaaugh!"

"His family's really amusing."

"Yeah. Now I can kind of see why you keep him around."

"Don't you two just stand there and enjoy my suffering! Help meeee!"

"Polygamist Castration Fist!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"

And so ended the second life of the Red Dragon Emperor, Ken Ichijou.

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 3: The Contract - Will Do

* * *

First off, kudos to Houki Minami, author of DxD:Re-Birth, for being my beta on this one. She kept me from making a lot of errors and mistakes. So, give a hand for her!

And here we have another chapter cranked out for your amusement and joy! Thanks to those of you who have already read and reviewed!

Also, don't worry! These characters are all going to be fleshed out. It's only the first arc, so y'alls need to chiiiiiiillllllll! :3

Please read and review!


	4. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 3

Ken: Whoo! Second time doin' a Disclaimer! Really earning that Protag paycheck!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Please support the official release!

* * *

DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 3: The Contract - Will Do

"Chidori."

"..."

"Chidori."

"..."

"Chidori!"

"..."

"Chidoriiiiiiii!"

"...Tch..."

"CHIDORIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"WHAT?!"

"Geez! Nothing..."

The walk to school that morning had been especially tense. Ken had wanted to go pick a fight with street thugs until Chidori threatened to rip his ears off and shove them down his throat. She had been especially violent that morning ever since she barged into his room while he, Rachel, and Chris were in the buff. Rachel and Chris had wisely dressed themselves and left while Ken was in the process of being thoroughly assaulted by his rampaging baby sister.

His crotch was still recovering from her Polygamist Castration Fist.

There were not pants loose enough to keep Ken from wincing every time he took a step.

"I just thought...um..." He cowered beneath her baleful gaze like a child before their furious parents. "You seemed...upset..."

"Well why don't you just ask me why I'm upset?" Chidori asked.

"I dunno. Why _were_ you-"

"SARCASM! It was sarcasm!" Ken turned small, staring at Chidori with teary eyes. Chidori stared down at him with vicious eyes, radiating an aura of pure evil. "You were naked...in your room, door closed...with two other naked women. AND I WALKED IN ON IT! You didn't lock your door, AND I WALKED IN ON IT! How am I supposed to cope with something like that, you pervy liar!"

"Walked in on it?" Ken parroted, terrified. "Walked in on _what_!? Nothing happened!"

"Don't play dumb!" Chidori snapped. "What else could have possibly happened in that room!?"

Ken used his hands to motion for Chidori to calm herself. "Chidori, just chill! Nothing happened! We all just took off our clothes and spent the whole night sleeping in the same bed togetheee-yeah that sounds pretty unbelievable." Ken scratched his cheek. "But, Chidori, I swear nobody's cherry got popped in that room last night! There's no danger of dealing with nieces or nephews in the near-future."

"You think that's what I'm pissed about!?"

For the safety of his manhood, Ken didn't reply.

Chidori stared at Ken's terrified, submissive face for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, rubbing her temples. "Look, you want to take home random girls from class and take them to bed, that's your business. More power to you." She said. "You probably won't be able to become a proper husband in the future, but it's still your choice. That isn't where I'm taking issue with the events of this morning."

"Then..." Ken's eyes darted left and right, searching for some kind of clue or hint. "...why _are_ you upset?"

"It was just..." Chidori's face turned red with both anger and embarrassment. "...It was just...It was just hanging there."

"Huh?"

She buried her face into her hands, quickly curling up into a ball of despair by a nearby wall. "I saw it! I can't believe I saw it!" She cried, steam rising from her face. Her expression seemed to fluctuate between nausea and embarrassment and anger. "Do you know how gross it is to see your own sibling's..."privates"?"

"Wha-Oh!" It suddenly clicked together in Ken's head. "I don't see what the issue is then. We used to bathe together all the time when we were little, so..." Ken scratched his head. "I mean, Hell, until the age of 5, we were literally washing each other's tushies-"

"Forget it!" Chidori said, cupping her hands over her ears. "You're just making this weirder and more uncomfortable!" She turned, tears of frustration in the corners of her eyes. "Just put a sock or a ribbon on the doorknob next time, Kentai! If you don't, and I walk in on you again, and I see it dangling there, I'm going to rip it off!"

A sharp squeak escaped Ken's lips as he instinctively cupped his privates, his fear renewed times a hundred.

On that note, Chidori trudged off, Ken making sure to put a five minute gap between them. He knew, for a fact, that today was not the day to piss Chidori off.

* * *

"-and so I would like everyone to welcome our newest student, Rachel Astarotte."

The short, former-first year stood at the front of the room, curtsying as if she were a noblewoman (which she was). "Good afternoon, everyone. I do hope you forgive me if my manner is deemed improper. I have had a great deal of complications adjusting to Japan, so I hope I can count on all of you to take good care of me."

"Hey, Rachel!" Every ear in the classroom twitched at the sudden shout. "Racheeeel! Back here! Hi! I'm in your class!"

If it weren't for the source of the distracting noise which drew everyone's attention away from the front, they would have noticed the less-than-civil expression on Rachel's face as she shot a venomous glare at Ken. It was hard to maintain the cover of a new, foreign transfer student when her idiotic servant was yelping about like some noisy dog.

"Um, Astarotte-san, are you and Ichijou-kun already familiar with one another?" The teacher asked, glancing back and forth between the two.

Rachel's eye twitched ever-so-slightly, but her polite expression didn't waver. "I suppose, in a way." She admitted vaguely. "When I first stepped off of the train, Ichijou-kun was one of the first few people here I met and he gave me directions."

"Is that so?" The teacher wondered aloud. He wasn't exactly the brightest tool in the shed, so he bought that explanation far more easily than the rest of the class. He appeared curious for a moment, but was easily convinced. "Well, it's a good thing you were able to get the assistance you needed. Now, before we proceed any further, do any of you have any questions for Astarotte-san?"

Every hand but Ken's immediately flew into the air.

That was like asking if people ate food. One thing common with high school students is that, if they catch even a whiff of potential gossip, they will circle like sharks and eat a person whole.

"What country are you from?"

"How do you get your hair to be so shiny?"

"What skin products do you use?"

"Are you from some kind of high-class family?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"What are your three sizes!?"

Rachel shot a sharp glare at her Knight, Ken having asked that last question. It was clear from the Cheshire grin on his face that the question had not been serious, instead intended to ruffle her feathers.

And it had succeeded. It was hard for her to hide the blush of frustration and embarrassment that colored her normally pale cheeks.

Overall, she knew it was going to be a long day...

* * *

"GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!"

The smell of Toasted Ichijou filled the sports shed-erm-"base" of Rachel Astaroth, the owner of said "base" sitting in her seat in a huff.

"My my, it looks like our Ojou-sama has a bit of a sensitivity towards ecchi things~"

The tease was courtesy of their group's newest member, Chris Rosencrantz, who was sitting on a pile of catcher's mitts in the place of a chair. Her full name was actually Christabel Marmaduke Aloysius Benita Cobweb Dornagan Eres Felicia Marie Ignatius Jayden Jasper Leilani Maxine Nellie Obiajulu Peppermint Quilliam Sexton Tali Underwood Vivatma Mayland Zepherdor Yardley Zacharias Rosencrantz the Third, but no normal person would have ever been able to remember such a ridiculously long name, so Ken had decided to call her "Chris" for short.

"She's just a lil bit shy~" Ken agreed, laughing and clearly unconcerned with the amount of his skin that was covered in soot or smoking. "Oh oh~! You should have seen her when I opened the window and a gust of wind blew her skirt up! It was hysterical when she started whistling like a tea kettle!"

"Ooh! What kind of underwear was she wearing?"

"Bloomers, believe it or not! Bright-pink!"

"Bloomers? Aren't those a little out of style for a high school student?"

"It's alright if it is cute~"

While initially cautious around one another, Ken and Chris had found themselves quite capable of getting along. Much like dogs who had gotten a whiff of each others' hinds, they became immediately familiar and spoke so casually in front of one another, usually joining in their united goal to see the deepest shade of red Rachel's face could turn. By Ken's standards, Chris was a pretty fun girl. Nothing like all of the other uptight and "boring" girls at their school. And by Chris' standards, Ken was "cool despite the fact he never refers to her by her full name."

"I suppose, but even for a High-Class Devil, it seems a bit over the top. Get with the times. I mean, can you imagine adult women wearing bloomers?"

"My Mom wears bloomers and I think that's just fine."

"How would you know something like that?"

"Oh, I sometimes borrow her or Chidori's underwear when I feel like cross-dressing."

"..."

"..."

Even Rachel was snapped out of her state of annoyance by the many questions that comment had stirred up in her consciousness.

"What?" Ken asked, both of the girls' faces showing immense shock at his refusal to take back his words. "Hey, I'm perfectly secure with my masculinity. I mean come on, who doesn't like looking feminine every once in a while?"

Rachel and Chris exchanged looks.

[Fair enough.]

"Anyway, I firmly believe, on the previous issue of bloomers: cute is justice. That is my final say on that."

"I see." Chris noted. "Well, I respect your opinion."

"And I yours."

"I don't even know how to react to you two anymore." Rachel decided after a moment's silence. It was times like these that she came to review all of the decisions she ever made in life. "Anyway, are you two done with your little routine?"

"Well, we had two or three more jokes in mind," Chris admitted.

"-but we're pretty sure you aren't in the mood to hear them," Ken finished, both servants recognizing that their master's level of irritation was reaching dangerous levels.

Teenage girls were NOT supposed to have malicious, glowing red eyes or the ability to exhale black death mist.

That was one of the real tricks to being a comedic duo at the expense of another: They had to keep aware of how much they could do before they got fried like bacon. Ken had learned from experience Rachel's boiling point.

Rachel sighed, shaking her head. "It's time to get this meeting back on track." She said, sitting in a style reminiscent of Gendo Ikari. "Ichijou, you have been a Devil for quite a while now-"

"Three days." Ken interjected.

"-and I feel that it's about time you begin to carry your own weight around here." Rachel continued. "Therefore, I believe it is time for you to carry out your very first contract."

"Oh Dead-God, I knew it! I fucking knew it!" Ken began to panic, shaking his head. "What do you want me to do? Whack a guy?! Off a guy!? Whack-off a guy coz I don't swing that way!"

"What? No!" Rachel shouted, her face turning red at Ken's implication. "A Devil's contract! A pact made with a human where you receive a payment in exchange for rendering some form of service."

"That still sounds violent and/or sexual."

"It is not."

"OK, then I'm on-board." Ken declared, clapping his hands together. "Where do we start?"

"With this." Rachel said, pulling out a small piece of paper bearing the same magic circle as the paper she had handed him a mere hour before his demise.

"Are you _sure_ I'm not killing anybody?"

"Or for the love of Maou!" Rachel extended her hand towards a pile of equipment, causing it to disappear in a glowing-green explosion, revealing a larger magic circle carved into the ground that resembled the one on the flyer. "Just stand in the center of that circle with the paper and you will be taken to meet with your client. It is simple, but, just in case, I will spell it out for you: Client asks you for something, you give it to them, they give you something in return. Got it?"

Ken looked up from his notepad, raising his pen. "Could you repeat that first and middle part again?"

There was a harsh _slap_ as Rachel face-palmed. "Rosencrantz!"

Rachel gestured to her newer servant, the girl reading from a novel seemingly produced from thin air. "Huh? Oh! I think Rachel wants you to do a thing."

"A thing?"

"A thing."

"OOOOHHHH!" Ken said, nodding in understanding. "OK, I think I got the gist of it. Let's do this!" He smiled pleasantly at the examining look Rachel gave him.

"...I truly cannot tell when you are toying with me or just being a genuine idiot."

"So how does this work?" Ken asked, moving over to the magic circle.

Rachel snapped her fingers. "Like this."

The magic circle shone a bright light. "Oh my Maou, I'm so going to get cancer from thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisss!" Before Ken could even process what was going on, the bright light whited out the entire room, swallowing him entirely.

It was only after he was gone that Rachel realized it. "I had almost forgotten what is was like..."

Chris looked up from her book. "Hm?"

"Silence." Rachel clarified, smiling in joyful relief. "Sweet, blissful, moron-free silence."

"But what about-"

"Shush shush shush. Don't spoil the moment." Rachel demanded. "There is literally nothing that possibly ruin my mood right now."

"...OK then." Chris said, returning her eyes to her novel. However, she paused when a thought came to mind. "Hey, Master, do you think Ken-kun will be alright?"

"Oh come now, even Ichijou couldn't possibly botch something like this up."

* * *

Ken stared at the behemoth in front of him.

It would have been easier to name a part of him that wasn't a towering hulk of masculine testosterone:

His clothes.

A full-grown man whose physical build and grizzly bear would have put even the most masculine of body-builders to shame...was wearing a bright-blue magical girl outfit.

It was impossible for Ken _not_ to marvel at how the fabric was not tearing underneath the stress of the adult man's physique. Despite his overwhelming, monstrously intimidating appearance, Ken didn't sense the slightest shred of hostile intent coming from him.

"Welcome-nyou." He greeted with a pose.

"Hello." Ken greeted with pursed lips as he examined every detail of the man's body.. "...What's your secret?"

"Believing in the power of love and friendship-nyou!" The man declared, pulling an even more extreme pose that caused a few of his buttons to come loose. "That is the secret for any true magical girl!"

Even Ken found it hard to come up with an immediate response. "Nani?...What?" Ken tapped his chin. "Oh! No, I mean your awesome muscles. Seriously, I think you could pick me up and break me in half if you felt like it, man."

"Wil-tan requires his body to always be in peak physical condition!" Wil-tan said with that deep, growly voice of his. "All for the sake of defeating the dangerous Maou-sama, I will achieve the pinnacle of perfection of all magical girls-nyou!"

"...Rock on." Ken stuck out his tongue, giving a thumbs up. "So, what is your request, Wil-tan?"

Wil-tan stroked his masculine beard, examining Ken carefully. "I will admit, I did not expect such a summoning to succeed. Even if Grandpa had successfully summoned a Devil, it was hard to believe..."

"So you don't know what you want?" Ken asked, frowning.

However, Wil-tan quickly shook his head. "No! I knew what I desired long before I summoned you, little Devil!" And the adult man pulled even the most ridiculous pose yet, giving off a vibe so seriously that Ken couldn't even laugh. "I wish to form my own team of super cute magical girls!"

"...Rock on! How many people do you need?"

"A total of four would be good enough-nyou! One needs not too many allies when they possess the miraculous power of love and friendship!"

"I know just the two who could help us!"

* * *

"-and that's why I called you two here."

Chris had already made herself at home, sitting next to Wil-tan in front of her TV, watching one of the many episodes of her magical girl anime that she had on DVD. From the cheers from that side of the room, the magical girls had gained quite another fan.

Rachel Astaroth crossed her arms. "OK, so let me get this straight: Your client, the muscled gentleman over there, wanted you to help him build a team of people bearing fictional magic powers based on human-made anime?"

"Yes."

"And you called Chris and I here so we could supplement the remaining two members you needed for said team?"

"That is correct."

Rachel took a deep breath, rubbing her temples. "OK, I think I understand the situation so far." She said. "However, that still doesn't explain why you're already dressed for the part."

True enough, Ken Ichijou was already dressed in the attire of a magical girl (albeit his outfit was red), sitting casually in the seat across from Rachel, swinging his legs back and forth with a surprising level of cheer.

"Well, you guys took a while to get here and Wil-tan said he had costumes already, so I wanted to try mine on~"

"...And the wig?" Rachel asked, pointing to the auburn-brown locks that covered his normal hairstyle.

"...I thought it added character."

Rachel rubbed her temples. "OK, perhaps I'm not being clear enough." She said. "WHY?!"

"Wil-tan said I could have this cookie if I became magical girl like him~!" Ken said cheerfully, munching on a cookie he pulled out of thin air. For several long seconds, the only noise heard aside from the crunching of cookies was the sound of an animated magical girl shooting laser beams.

"So you just do anything for people if they promise to give you sweets?"

"Yep~!" Ken cheered, taking another bite out of his cookie.

"...I worry about you sometimes."

"Awww~ You're so sweet, Rachel~!"

"And then you say stupid things like that and I stop caring."

"Awww, you're so mean, Rachel." Ken finished his cookie before running to the back of the room. Rachel waited several moments before he returned, tenderly holding a green variation of the magical girl outfit he and Wil-tan were wearing. "Look, Rachel! It's your size _and_ it's the same color as your magic circles! How cool is _that_!?"

"Ichijou, I am not wearing that."

"What!? Come on! You gotta!" Ken whined, shaking the outfit before her eyes. "It'll look totally cute, what with your adorable frame and your cute lil bloomers underneath!" Rachel narrowed her eyes. "Huh-Oh! And I need you to help so I can do this contract thingy!"

Rachel let out a huff before turning her back to him, arms crossed. "Then fail on your own."

"Come oooon, Rachel!" Ken said, smiling as he placed his hands on her small shoulders. "What's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

It was like roaring thunder as the columns of the underground catacombs slowly began to collapse above their heads.

"OK!" Ken said, hopping back as a large piece of rubble struck the spot he'd been standing in moments before. "I would just like to take a moment to reflect-WHOOP!" He dodge-rolled. "-a moment to reflect on how wrong I was and-RACHEL, LOOK OUT!"

Rachel extended her hand forward, reducing a falling piece of a column to pebbles. "It's about time, Ichijou!" She snapped. "At what point did it seem like a good idea to allow the client to follow us into the abandoned underground chambers where the Stray Devil lived!?"

"How was I supposed to know!?" Ken shouted, smashing a massive falling boulder that threatened to fall on him with Boosted Gear. "I didn't know that Wil-tan was actually a _competent_ magical girl!"

The Devils turned in the direction of the bestial roars that easily, staring in shock and disgust as the overly-muscular magical girl...man went head-to-head with a large, lamia-looking demon, the two locking arms in an animalistic battle for dominance.

"SERIOUSLY! WHO SEES SHIT LIKE THAT COMING!?"

"He makes a fair point, Rachel!" Chris pointed out, dashing the room, viciously cutting any piece of rubble or debris that could prove hazardous to their health via squashing them into pancakes. "I have seen a great many things that are considered abnormal, but I've never- _ever-_ seen something so bizarre, not outside of trained fighters!" She paused. "You're just upset about the outfit, aren't you?"

Rachel bit her lower lip, shooting a venomous glare at her Pawn. "Am I upset because my foolish Knight convinced me into dressing in this _ridiculous_ human garb-" Rachel gestured from the top of her body to the bottom, emphasizing the frills and ribbons of her magical girl outfit. "-and not only forced me to partake in these humiliating group poses but being forced to make Stray-hunting part of the night's itinerary at the last moment, resulting in us being forced to bring the client with us only for him to completely take on our job for us and making us look incompetent by comparison?" She feigned a pensive expression. "Yeeeaaaah, I'm pretty sure I'm upset."

"Magical Wil-taaaaaawn-PUNCH!"

"Racheeeel, he killed the Stray!" Chris called out, scratching her head with the point of her blade. "Also, I think he may have destroyed the last of the foundation. We should probably go now!"

Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is something that never should have been attempted."

And that's the story of why Rachel came to expect zero results from Ken's Contracts.

* * *

"Thank you very much for the meal!" Ken said gratefully, bowing his head in reverence.

After his "successful" Contract earlier, he had decided to "celebrate" by treating himself to some ramen. Granted, there had been quite a bit of collateral damage, but Wil-tan had, in fact, paid up for her Contract, having had her wish (at least partially) fulfilled by Ken. Even though Rachel was displeased (as she always seemed to be in regards to Ken), he considered it a victory. Ergo, he decided to stop by a local stall and buy himself a well-deserved bowl of tasty, hand-made ramen.

He snapped his chopsticks apart and heaved a sigh of relief before he chowed down.

He slurped like a king, making it questionable whether or not he was breathing or, more importantly, how long were the noodles he was presently inhaling.

He almost failed to acknowledge the person who entered a mere few seconds earlier. Ken was the type to get so engrossed in his meals that the rest of the world seemed to completely melt away into nothingness.

However, when a boy carrying a full-length scythe hefted over his shoulder walks into a ramen shop, even someone like him couldn't help but be taken aback. The skull mask sitting lazily on the side of his face was also equally stunning. He was a young man with half-rimmed glasses over his hazel-brown eyes and neat, black hair like that of an honors student. Aside from the mask, black cloak, and scythe that made him look as though he was dressing for Halloween early, he was dressed in the attire of a normal student.

Ken did his best to avoid staring, instead focusing intently on his own ramen. It was a quadruple beef bowl, one of his favorites. His own personal treat for what he considered a successful day's work.

"One bowl please." The cloaked youth sitting next to him said, tapping the counter. He casually set his scythe against the counter, giving a prayer of respect as he picked up his chopsticks. "Thank you for the meal."

There was something about him...

It gave Ken the chills.

He knew it was serious when the young man's presence became enough for Ken to take his focus off of his meal. There was something seriously abnormal about the young man. It was probably the scythe. Every time Ken glanced at it, he felt a chill go down his spine. He could swear he saw his reflection in its blade and, every time, he was a different age.

Infant. Teen. Young adult. Mature adult. Old man. Skeleton.

He could swear he actually saw his life flash before his eyes.

"Oh, you probably shouldn't do that."

"Holy shit!" Ken almost fell off of his stool when the youth addressed him directly. His stool neighbor adjusted his glasses, adjusting his scythe so that the flat of its blade did not face Ken. "I wasn't gonna steal it!" Unbeknownst to Glasses Neighbor, Ken WAS planning to steal it.

It was a real-life death scythe. Who wouldn't want something like that?

Glasses Neighbor raised his hand to calm Ken. "Relax. I'm not too paranoid about something like that. But even looking directly at yourself in the blade's reflection is dangerous. It has been known to drive some men beyond the point of insanity." He sighed. "Death can be an overwhelming experience for those with limited life spans like you or I. Even my kind risks this."

"Your kind?" Ken asked, still eyeing the cool-looking scythe. He not-so-casually reached for the blade before his hand was smacked by Glasses.

"You _really_ don't want to do that." Glasses warned.

Ken pursed his lips. "Why? I've been hit by a giant grasshopper demon. Like I'm afraid of some silly over-sized garden tool."

"Oh, so you were the one who dealt with the Stray Devil." Glasses noted, smiling softly. "You have my gratitude."

"Yeah, I-" It was that moment that "Facts" decided to come over and play, smacking Ken in the face. He stared at Glasses. "Wha?"

"Ah. Apologies." Glasses stood up from his seat, making sure to avoid knocking his scythe over, and bowing respectfully towards Ken. "My name is Terumi Ayasaka, a pleasure."

"..." It took a few moment's of Ken's blank stare for the youth to realize Ken didn't understand a word he said.

"Oh yes, I should perhaps clear up the confusion as to why I speak of a Stray Devil." Terumi said, adjusting his glasses over his nose. "You see, I, too, am aware of the supernatural. Just as you are, I am not a proper human. In actuality, I am a Grim Reaper."

"...A wha?"

"I guess in Japan, you would refer to them as "Shinigami"." Terumi clarified. "We reap the souls of the dead and help those who have long-past pass on to the next life-Are you alright?"

He asked this on account of the expression of abject terror on Ken's face.

"AHHHHHHH!"

That day, he literally looked Death in the face...

And he totally _did not_ pass out by the way!

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 4: The Grim Reaper - Student Council President

* * *

Good news: I found a DocX that contained most of my shit for this chapter. I happened upon it completely by mistake.

Bad news: It's given me a lot of time to think and, after consideration, I've decided that I'm not going to push for 9K to 10K words with this story to make things simple.

More good news: I am repealing my previous decision to discontinue this story. :3

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	5. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 4

Terumi: Let us commence our regularly scheduled disclaimer!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Please support the official release and obey the letter of the law!

* * *

DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 4: The Grim Reaper - Underground Student Council Member

"Is he alright?"

What's that...? A voice?

"He was never alright." Another voice, Rachel's, piped up. "This is more along the lines of just quiet."

"He hit his head on the counter."

"Trust me, he cannot physically become any stupider than he already is."

"He could have a concussion."

"Maybe it will knock some common sense into him."

"But what if-"

"Ah!"

"Couldn't he-"

"Abah!"

"I think he's waking u-"

"SHUT UP!" Rachel's voice paused for a moment, "Oh, wait, you're right."

It was around that time that Ken's eyelids slowly slid open, his eyeballs looking glazed over as he examined his surroundings with a distinct lack of awareness. His vision was blurry and he had a headache, becoming increasingly more painful the more consciousness he regained. He could only barely make out the shape of twin tails and the glare reflected off of glasses being adjusted. It would be at least another ten minutes before he was properly able to distinguish the adorable aggravation of Rachel Astaroth and the grim reaper.

"...He may have severe brain damage," Terumi said, appearing concerned. "He keeps staring at us with that weird look in his eyes."

"Don't mind him," Rachel said, waving him off. "That's his normal face...However, just to be safe..." Rachel held up three fingers up in front of Ken's face. "Ichijou, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Eleven...teen...?" Ken answered, his vision nowhere near as accurate he thought it was. It would explain why he saw several Rachels laying on the ceiling.

Rachel shrugged. "Good enough." Ken shook his head, pushing himself up off of the floor as he tried to regain his bearings. "The member of the USC called me after you decided to faint, troubling me with news that you had suffered some kind of illness."

""Troubled"?" Ken parroted before his eyes started to sparkle. "Oh, Rache-chan! You DO-"

""Troubled" in the respect that I needed to waste my time to come here and confirm your condition," Rachel clarified.

"Awww!" Ken whined, his ego deflating instantly. He rubbed the nasty lump that had formed on his head, pulling his hand away after feeling a wet sensation. He looked at his palm, noticing it was painted red, turning his head to see the same red substance staining the back of his shirt and the area of the floor in which he had been laying. "Is this ketchup?"

"No, it's blood." The USC President, Terumi Ayasaka, answered. "Your head hit the corner of the counter as you fell. You're bleeding rather profusely."

"Oh that's good," Ken said. "I do _not_ know how to get ketchup stains out of my clothes. With blood, be it my own or that of my enemies whom I beat down in a dark alleyway, all I need is to bleach my clothes white and nobody even suspects." Everyone, including the man behind the counter, stared. "I have _a lot_ of white clothes." While everyone else processed the rather morbid implications of Ken's words, Ken went back to trying to recall why he fell in the first place. He rested his lazy gaze on Terumi, staring absentmindedly as he tried to remember. "..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Ken turned his head, noticing the scythe resting against the counter next to Terumi. Then he looked back to Terumi who matched his gaze. "Hmmm..."

"Hmmmm?"

"Hmmmm."

"Hm?"

"Hm hmm."

"Hm hm hmmm?"

"Hm hm hmmm hm hm."

"Hmmmmmmmmm?"

"HM HM HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

Terumi stared blankly. "I don't know what we're doing-"

"OH MY FUCKING DEAD-GOD!" Ken reached for the stool closest to him and lifted it from the ground, pointing the tip of the legs at Terumi. "Stay back! I'm warning you!"

"W-What's the matter?" Terumi asked, raising his hands cautiously in an attempt to calm Ichijou down. Curious, he lifted up his arm and sniffed underneath it before turning back to Ken. "Do I offend?" However, the moment he even came an inch closer, Ken viciously swung his chair at him, almost nicking him in the chin.

"What the _Hell_ , Ichijou?" Rachel screamed, watching as her Knight did his damned well best to bludgeon Terumi with the same level of horror as if he was trying to trigger a nuclear bomb.

"REAPER MUST DIE!" Ken screeched like a chimpanzee, almost foaming at the mouth as he tried to bash in Terumi's skull.

"If we could just-" Swing! "-talk about this for just one-" Swing! "-moment!" Swing! "OK, that does it."

Terumi flipped backwards, grasping the shaft of his polearm in his hands and swinging the blade in a sideways arc, cutting the legs of Ken's stool down to nubs.

Ken kept swinging for several moments before noticing the complete and utter lack of alarm on Terumi's face, causing him to look down at the stool seat he held in his hands. He pursed his lips, staring at the unimpressed Rachel and Terumi. He swung the plain seat around a few more times experimentally before finally pausing and taking into account his current situation. He looked from Terumi to the plain seat in his hands. Then back to Terumi.

"UWAWAWAWAWAWAWAAAAH!" Ken pranced around like an ape before suddenly throwing the circular seat like a frisbee. Terumi casually tilted to the left, the seat flying out the entrance next to him.

"...Are you done, Ichijou?" Rachel asked, pinching the bridge of her nose in exhaustion.

"Not yet. Gimme a few seconds," Ken answered plainly before turning back to Terumi. He immediately assumed what Rachel and Terumi presumed to be some sort of martial arts stance. "You better back up, reaper! You ain't taking my soul!" Ken snapped, staring at Terumi with suspicious eyes. "I know fake Taekwondo from God of Highschool and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know how the stories go! One minutes it's "Hey, I know you!" and then the next-BAM! Dead like a door nail! You ain't foolin' me! I've _seen_ the movie!"

"I feel like something is lost in context here." Terumi said, raising an eyebrow. "...What movie?"

"I'm a human who died and evaded death by becoming a Devil!" Ken explained. "Naturally, this is like that movie, Final Destination, so you're after the soul that cheated Death at any cost! I'll be the last one to survive, I think I'm safe and then-SPLAT! Crushed by an airplane! Well that ain't how it's goin' down!"

It was then that realization appeared on Terumi's face. "Oh! Is _that_ what this is about? You believe I'm going to take your soul to the Underworld?"

Ken paused, considering the question. "Well, I did at first, but then you smiled there, so now I'm confused..."

Rachel face-palmed. "You're an idiot."

Terumi shook his head. "Ichijou Ken-kun, I abstain from reaping anyone's soul if I can. I am not here to reap your soul."

"You're not...?" Ken lowered the stool as Terumi nodded, feeling slightly cheated out of an interesting conflict. "Oh...then what _are_ you here for?"

Terumi lifted the bowl that was sitting on the counter in front of his seat. "Ramen." He answered. "Besides, it would hardly do for me to do in students from my school. It's behavior unbecoming of a Student Council President."

"Liar!" Ken accused, standing from his seat. "Our Student Council President's name is Taro Tanaka!" Ken stuck out his tongue, drawing out a soft poke to Terumi's chest. "Fraaaaaaaaauuuuuud~"

"Ah, then it appears there is a misunderstanding." Terumi said, smiling softly. "I am the President of the _other_ Student Council, the Underground Student Council."

"..." It took several moments for the bell inside Ken's skull to start ringing. "OMFG! You're the fucking boss guy of the evil student council who lets people get away with murder!"

"The _what_!?" Terumi gasped, looking both hurt and confused by Ken's words. "What do you mean "lets people get away with murder"?"

"Rachel said that Arianna bribed you clowns into letting her get away with murdering me." Ken said, failing to notice Rachel's alarm and her desperate attempts to signal Ken to SHUT UP. "Is that a lie or not?"

"...We weren't bribed." Terumi said evasively, averting his eyes.

Ken narrowed his eyes. "You looked away, so now I'm suspicious."

Terumi adjusted his glasses. "It's not a black & white situation," Terumi explained. "While I am _deeply_ apologetic for your sudden-erm-loss of life, I'm afraid that we do not possess the legal means to properly punish her. Especially with her status as a blood relative of one of the Isolation Barrier Field's heroes AND a former Maou-sama, we have neither the power nor the ability to imprison her for her crimes. We in the Underground Student Council were strongly advised by her family to overlook her actions for the time-being under the promise that they would admonish her for her actions."

"So her big bad family forced you to sweep it under the rug," Ken summarized.

"We have the authority to inflict discipline upon students for infractions committed on campus towards other Night Course students and to initiate hunts for Strays," Terumi said, "but we hold no authority over Devil nobles who commit actions towards unaffiliated parties. Though there are laws in place to protect humans, they are mainly in place so as to prevent unlawful and forceful reincarnation into Devils. The subject of murdering normal humans by non-Strays is still a gray area."

However, never once in his winded explanation did Terumi deny Ken's accusation.

"You guys portray yourselves as some shadowy organization devoted to justice, but you're really just a bunch of glorified sell-outs too low to even be called bugs," Ken complained only for Rachel to slap him on the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for, Rachel?!"

"For lacking a much-needed trait in this world called "subtlety"!" Rachel hissed in his ear. "Why in Hell's name would you knowingly tell an enemy that we know they're an enemy?!"

"She has a point," Terumi hissed in his other ear, causing the two Devils to leap back in fright, Ken instinctively stretching his arm in front of Rachel. Terumi extended his hand peacefully towards Ken. "I don't understand why you're so hostile, Ichijou-kun. I am sure you've heard bad things about me, but I ensure you that I strive to protect all of our students. I hope you can understand that, Ichijou-kun."

However, Ken didn't take Terumi's hand. He nudged Rachel backward, moving further from Terumi. "..."

"Hm?" Terumi raised a brow. "Is something wrong Ichijou-kun? It's just a hand."

"A hand waiting to slit my wrists," Ken noted with narrowed eyes. "I can see the glint of metal in your sleeve."

Terumi raised a brow. "What are you talking about?"

Ken peered over his shoulder at Rachel. "Should we prepare for a fight?" He edged Rachel further back when Terumi tried taking another step forward.

"I really don't understand, Ichijou-kun-"

Ken slapped Terumi's hand away, kicking a stool onto the ground in front of them to scare the reaper off. "You don't have to pretend anymore," Ken said. "I figured out what you were the moment you walked in. The smell of broth drowned it out for a moment, but I recognized it loud and clear."

"Recognized it loud and clear?"

"I'm still breeding from the head, so some things I say might not make any much sense." Ken shook his head. "I already told you. I'm more than acquainted with blood. Its feel, its taste... _and its smell_." Terumi's eyes darkened and a thin smirk appeared on his face. "And the smell surrounding you is absolutely nauseating. You absolutely reek of blood, you fraud."

A soft, croaking chuckle grumbled in Terumi's throat, his hand reached for his glasses, pulling them from his face. "So when did you figure it out?" The kind, humorous smile was gone, replaced by an ominous expression on his face, almost murderous.

"The very second you opened your mouth," Ken answered, glaring darkly. "It's a little fuzzy, but I remember your voices, all of you who were there when Arianna first killed me."

"What?" Rachel gasped. "That whole time...you were conscious?"

"Hurt like a bitch, but the info I got from that time came in handy this time around," Ken explained. "I remember everything and I remember that your voice is nothing like that of your Student Council President. During that conversation, the voice of the man who was addressed as "Prez" was a lot less deep than yours...You were the guy who wanted to loot my pockets and leave me for death coz "humans breed like monkeys"."

Terumi crushed his glasses in his hands, hefting his scythe over his shoulder with new malice. "That can't have been it!" He laughed. "Even for a low-class human monkey like you, that's way too good of a deduction."

"It was back before when we were talking about your scythe," Ken said. "You told me that if I looked into it, I would see my life flash before my eyes, but that wasn't the real reason you stopped me, was it?"

"..."

"I took a peek when you weren't paying attention," Ken pointed to the blade. "And I can see it clearly. _There_ _is no reflection._ " Sure enough, not a thing showed in the flat of the blade, its surface too bleary and dark to produce any notable shape. "That substance coloring your blade, it's blood...Your blade is literally stained in the blood of those you've killed. For someone who claims he prefers to abstain from reaping souls, you have quite the kill count, don't you?"

"Hahahaha!" Terumi laughed, shaking his head. "I knew something about you pissed me off! Hahaha! You play the role of the fool, but you're more like a slithering snake, laying in wait to spring a surprise! Hahahaha!" He reached for the skull mask on the side of his head before pulling it back down over his face. 《I only give you one warning, bastard child of the Astaroth family, on behalf of your Student Council President...》

Ken looked over his shoulder as Rachel gasped, her eyes going wide. To her credit, she managed to calm down considerably after a few seconds. "What is this message?"

Terumi's cackle sounded a few hundred times more ominous with the skull mask covering his face. 《It's simple, really: Do not initiate conflict with Arianna Glasya-Labolas. We will be watching and we would prefer you didn't agitate her habit of leaving corpses wherever she goes. Any consequence will be upon your head.》

Rachel grit her teeth. "Are you threatening me?"

《Yes.》 Terumi answered honestly, shaking his head. 《We are cautious of angering your family, your older brother being the only remaining Maou from the previous generation, but of you we hold no true terror and, ultimately, the value of Glasya-Labolas far exceeds the value of your clan which spawned a traitor.》

It was as though Rachel was a guitar and Terumi was the one plucking her string-like nerves at his leisure. Even though she tried not to show it, every word out of his mouth grated on her patience, causing her to grit her teeth.

《In short, I won't hesitate to cut that pretty little head off if you push us.》 Her entire body tensed as a curved blade gently pressed against her neck. The sudden presence caused both Rachel and Ken to turn in shock and surprise, staring at the grim reaper who suddenly appeared hovering over her shoulder. 《So go ahead and try. That especially goes for your servants as well. I won't hesitate to cut their stupid monkey heads off.》 He tauntingly tapped his blade against Rachel's neck again. 《Just the smallest reason and you're all dead.》

"Well maybe _you_ should bring a message right back to your shitty president," Ken snapped, unhesitatingly grabbing the shaft of Terumi's scythe closest to the blade. "Let him know that if Arianna starts a conflict, I won't hesitate. I'll put her in a grave and put your president in the hole right next to it if he tries starting shit with me. I'll just pile on any corpse who's stupid enough to join them." Ken appeared to go out of his way to be precise. He was threatening Arianna, he was threatening the USC President, and, above all else, he was threatening _Terumi_. "Let's get one thing straight, reaper: You can say what you want about me. I don't give a damn," He tightened his grasp on Terumi's scythe, the daggers in his eyes boring into Terumi's very soul, "but if you _ever_ threaten Rachel or my friends again, I'll make every one of you bastards suffer."

Perhaps it was surprise, perhaps it was Ken's sheer audacity, but Terumi actually found himself stunned by Ken's intensity, subconsciously distancing his blade from Rachel's neck and distancing himself from the pair in general.

He, a grim reaper, and a member of the Student Council, had been intimidated.

《You think you can just get away with threatening a member of the Student Council, primate?!》 Naturally, just the mere thought of it drove him over the edge. He brandished his scythe again, glaring murderously at Ken and Rachel.

Ken looked around before turning his eyes back to Terumi. "Well...Yeah. Pretty much." His casual attitude only served to further annoy the reaper, only basic reason keeping him from committing murder.

《You had better watch your back! You're going on my shit list!》

"Nuh uh!" Ken argued, "You're going on MY shit list!"

《Nobody will ever find your corpse...》 Terumi threatened, eyes boring into Shirou's skull from behind his mask.

"Nobody will ever find _your_ corpse!"

《Stop that!》

" _You_ stop that!"

《I said it first!》

"No, _I_ said it first!"

《Oh nice! You're acting _really_ immature right now!》

"No, _you're_ acting really immature right now!"

Terumi paused, tapping his chin. 《I'm an idiot!》

" _You're_ an idiot!"

《Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!》 Terumi roared, yanking on his hair. 《The moment you step out of line, I'll be there ready to take your head off! Both yours and your wretched master's, you stupid monkey!》 A magic circle formed beneath his feet, but he never took his eyes off of the pair. 《The world will hardly mourn the loss of another Astaroth...》

Ken couldn't be sure, but he felt that that last comment had been directed at Rachel. The corners of Rachel's mouth tightened, but she didn't retort.

And then Terumi sank through the ground.

《Remember: We'll be watching...》

His presence completely vanished, leaving Rachel and Ken staring at the spot where Terumi's presence had completely vanished.

"...OK, that was pretty cool." Ken admitted. "I mean, I wasn't scared or anything, but when we heard his voice even after he sank into the circle, I felt a chill go down my spine. Wasn't that-"

"YOU IDIOT!" Rachel extended her hand, conjuring bolts of lightning down on Ken, the voltage being so high that an X-Ray of his skeletal system could have been seen through the blinding light. "What were you thinking!?"

"GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!" was Ken's eloquent response.

It was several moments before the lightning dispersed, leaving a charred body on the floor.

"Picking a fight with the Student Council!? Are you NUTS!?" Rachel screeched, dragging him off of the floor by his collar just so she could scream in his face.

Ken coughed up smoke, his voice croak-like as he spoke, "What's the-*Cough cough*-big deal?" Ken asked, the smell of cooked bat wings filling the air. "*Cough Cough*-What's the-*Cough*-worst they can do? Write me up?"

"More like they can court-martial you, try you, and hang you," Rachel answered. "Figuratively, I mean. The actual process is a lot more grueling and your death will be far more painful and likely result in both your body and your soul being extinguished."

Ken pursed his lips. "Well, Chidori tried to castrate me the other day, so, compared to that, having my soul extinguished doesn't sound so painful."

"...I really cannot tell if you are screwing around or if you are this much of a genuine moron."

"A little bit of both honestly." Ken said, dusting the soot off of his body.

Another bolt of lightning struck his body, once again leaving him as nothing more than a crispy shell.

Surprisingly though, Ken managed to push himself onto all-fours with a grin. "Joke's on you! I'm part masochist!"

Rachel bit back a retort, pinching the bridge of her nose and letting out all of her anger in a deep sigh. "You know, considering you get back up just to say something stupid, that doesn't surprise me." She took another deep breath before turning away, arms crossed. "What a mess. Not even a few days after I've obtained my first servant and the USC has already put me on-notice."

"Sorry for pissing them off..." Ken liked messing around, but from the tone in Rachel's voice, the trouble he had gotten her into was far more severe than he had initially thought.

"No..." It was Rachel's words assuaging his guilt that surprised him. "For someone like me, it was to be expected. It just shows what a long way to go I have." Although Ken didn't understand her words, they sounded meaningful. "But...thanks...for standing up for me, I mean."

Ken blinked. "Hm?!" He cocked his head to the side, looking surprised. "Doth my ears deceive me?! Was that a...a...a PRAISE!?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "You ruined it," She said bitterly. "You ruined it and now I'm leaving." She turned to do so until Ken called out to her.

"WAIT!" Rachel paused. "There is still one thing that confuses me."

""One thing"?"

"That Terumi guy...what was the whole point of pretending to be the USC President?" Ken asked, causing Rachel to stare. "I mean, YOU knew he wasn't and he was trying to pass the message to you, so why the Hell did he bother fooling me when he just wanted to pass on a message? What was the point of all of that? It's like a child who does something stupid because he thinks it's cool. The whole situation in itself is confusing and feels like a very poorly planned plot device."

"..." Rachel opened her mouth but paused, frowning. "Wow. I'm surprised."

"About how weird Terumi is?"

"No, that you actually asked a good question for once."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in the Underground Student Council Room...**

"...and that concludes my report of my interaction with Subject: Ken Ichijou as well as his master, Rachel Astaroth," Terumi said, bowing before the circular table around which several figures sat, shrouded in darkness.

One of the figures, sitting behind a nameplate with the Roman numeral "VI" engraved on it spoke up, "Would you classify their actions as hostile towards us or the student body?" He asked.

Terumi sighed. "Unfortunately, no. But given his reckless nature, I have no doubt in my head we're going to collide at some point. Just like Prez said, Ichijou Ken tends to cause too much chaos around him." He rose, narrowing his eyes. "I don't get why we just don't waste that stupid monkey-"

"Enough about that, Terumi," Another youth behind a Roman numeral "VII" spoke up. "You've been on and on about the threat they possess. Meanwhile, we're ignoring the known murdering psychopath we keep letting loose on campus."

"II" shook her head. "Yeah, Arianna Glasya-Labolas, right?" She sighed. "At some point, we need to petition her clan's head to deal with her."

"VII" shrugged. "It wouldn't matter. They aren't going to punish their one hope of getting back into the spotlight since the Maou from their clan, Falbium, still fights within the Isolation Barrier with the others. She has the highest potential in her clan, maybe higher than that of her brother, and you know they aren't going to risk anything that could damage their investment."

"In other words, we let her keep on going," "V" sighed. "What of the humans she murders?"

Terumi scoffed, taking a seat in front of the nameplate with a "III" engraved into it. "Let'em die. Those monkeys copulate and reproduce faster than you can kill them. No real loss."

"Terumi," boomed the leader of the table, "I's", voice, "need I repeatedly remind you not to discard the value of our student body?"

"Our job is to watch over the students of the Night Course. Members of the Day Course shouldn't be any of our concern," Terumi complained.

"The life of every individual of the supernatural side is our responsibility, _Terumi_ ," "I" scolded, his voice booming more forcibly than before. Terumi cringed from the weight of his words, trembling. "Regardless of personal grudges or tastes, every single Devil, Fallen Angel, Youkai, Angel, Magician, and supernatural member of this community are _our_ responsibility."

"Tch," Terumi clicked his tongue, leaning back in his seat.

" _However_ ," "I" continued, his words drawing Terumi's attention, "I will consider your request regarding how to deal with Ichijou Ken and his master should the situation arise where they would prove hostile." Terumi smirked. "However, you are also to refrain from interacting with them until such a situation occurs. I would not be pleased should you instigate conflict to suit your own petty grudge."

"Whatever you say, Prez," Terumi snickered, leaning back in his seat and kicking his feet up onto the table. "It's only a matter of time though..."

"Actually, there is one thing that rouses my curiosity," "I" said, an ever-rare bemused tone coloring his voice.

"Hm?"

"What was the point in acting friendly to Ichijou and Astaroth-dono when she was already well-aware of who you are?" "I" asked. "You were just there to deliver a message. What was the point of the smoke and mirrors?"

Terumi pursed his lips as a heavy silence filled the air. "I" through "VII" stared at him.

.

.

.

"Shut up!" Terumi rose from his seat and ran out the door.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"On that note, everyone: Dismissed."

* * *

Next time on DxD: Neo - Volume 1 Life 5: The Third Servant - The Delinquent

* * *

I bring you, my loyal readers, the gift of both DxD: Neo and Devil Reborn Redux chapters today.

I am deeply sorry for the long gap between updates and I promise that, upon the completion of the last of my exams, I shall try to be timely about my updates.

College. Is. A. Bitch. And what time isn't devoted to studying for tests, writing essays, rewriting essays, studying more has been devoted to playing Mass Effect Andromeda, Funbag Fantasy/Kyonyuu Fantasy, Koihime Musou, and PERSONA-FUCKING-5-IS-SO-FUCKING-AWESOME which I got all in the span of a few weeks.

Busy life.

I do hope you can all forgive me.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	6. Opening - Paradisus-Paradoxum

**Song: Paradisus-Paradoxum (Re:Zero Opening 2)**

 **By: MYTH & ROID**

 **[Instrumental]** A drop of water falls from the sky for what appears to be eternity for hitting the glassy-like surface of an infinite ocean. The water ripples, eventually revealing Ken's sleeping form beneath the water's surface.

 **[Now let me open the scar]** His eyes slide open, a smile on his face.

 **[tokeatta Virus niji ni kuro o sashi tobitatsu]** He sits in the murky dark void, spun and beaten around by the sudden riptides before turning to face Rachel's back. He calls out, reaching for her before the screen whites out.

 **[Instrumental]** The title, DxD: Neo, appears in emerald green letters before the scene fades out.

 **[akai hana no mitsu]** Ken sits in the corner of the classroom, staring emptily out the window as the sun slowly slips beyond the horizon, day turning to night. A shadow falling over Ken's face.

 **[nurete kakureta noizu]** The scene changes to Chris sitting in an alleyway, a worn cloak draped over her as she hugs her sheathed sword against her chest.

 **[mune ni haiyoru no]** Tetsuya (Sacred Gear active) walks through the streets with his gang, possessing a strong gait, shoving his hands into his pockets.

 **["umarekawaritai no deshou?"]** Rachel sits atop the Kuoh Academy's main building, an open umbrella hefted over her shoulder. She smirks, her umbrella blacking out the screen as she lowers it over her face.

 **[eien nemutteita paradaimu]** Back in the classroom, Ken is smacked on the head with a book by Chidori, causing him to stare before smiling and rushing out of the room.

 **[shin o kutte shinshoku shiteita]** Chris sees him running past her alleyway, smiling as she follows after him. They meet up with Tetsuya, Ken grinning until their attention is drawn by something in the sky, Ken's eyes going wide as images of the USC, then Arianna smiling psychotically, flash before him.

 **[Now let me open the scar]** In an empty hallway, Rachel summons green magical circles with the Astaroth crest in the air and unleashing magical, glittering green chains. Arianna swiftly dodges the chains as they destroy the area around her.

 **[tokeatta Virus]** Rachel extends her arm, ordering her servants to move.

 **[furete arawa ni naru honnou]** Chris attempts to cut Arianna with her sword only for the strike to be deflected. Tetsuya (Sacred Gear active) runs forward, but Arianna speeds toward him, her hand outstretched to impale him through the chest. Before she can make contact, the wall beside them explodes outward, separating them.

 **[Grew up in the loneliness]** Ken steps out of the rubble, Boosted Gear equipped, standing in opposition to Arianna.

 **[kowareta Reality]** Arianna smiles, extending her hand towards Ken, causing him to roar in anger.

 **[niji ni kuro o sashi tobitatsu]** The two dash towards one another, Arianna smiling maniacally as she moves to decapitate Ken with her hand, Ken's Boosted Gear glowing a radiant green light as their blows clash, resulting in a blinding explosion that whites out the scene.

 **[ima sugu nukedashite shouki no meiro]** Ken is shown, writhing and being knocked about, in the dark void.

 **[hanten shita kontorasuto e]** He screams as he desperately reaches out, claw-like tendrils wrapping around his body. Just as he falters, another hand reaches out and grasps his, illuminating the darkness with light. Ken tightens his grasp on her hand as well.


	7. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 5

Ken: Hey, folks! I know it's been a while, but here we are once again!

We all know what time it is: Time for another disclaimer!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Let's all support the official release and pray to Dead-God that Season 4 of DxD comes out soon!

* * *

DxD: Neo - Volume 1 Life 5: The Third Servant - The Delinquent

"Rachel's been pacing like that for over an hour. I'm beginning to feel frightened, Chris."

"Ahem!"

"Oh right-I mean, Amazing Chris-sama."

"I know. Ever since yesterday, she's just been pacing with that expression on her face."

"I can't tell if she's angry or just thinking. She's always wearing that scowl on her face."

"I have been meaning to ask her about that. I'm worried about her complexion."

"Frowning does cause more wrinkles...Why is that?"

"It may have something to do with the muscles in your face. You use them more when you frown than when you smile and that stretches out your skin I think."

"Really?! I didn't know that!"

"Can you both PLEASE shut up for just five seconds!?" Rachel snapped, causing Ken and Chris to shrink away submissively. She let out a sigh of frustration, rubbing her temples. "Need I whip the severity of our current situation into your thick skulls!? In case you haven't noticed, we are on the verge of being completely wiped out by the Student Council!"

Ken laughed, waving off Rachel's concerns. "Don't tell me you're still worried about what that Grim Reaper douche said earlier? I can't help but feel you're seriously overreacting here, Ojou-chan." However, he regretted his words a second later when Rachel got into his face, her gaze boring into his own eyes like drills. He raised his hands, sensing the murder in Rachel's expression. "Rachel, keep in mind that if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!"

There was a small pause.

Then lightning rained down on Ken.

"GAGAGAGAAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!"

"She didn't buy the bluff," Chris noted.

While Ken was busy frying like bacon, Rachel returned her attention to the matter at hand. "Maybe if I write a strongly-worded apology letter to the Student Council President, they will forgive our transgressions thus far...? Or I could offer Ichijou as a tribute...No, not when there's so much uncertainty...but what if I promised resources from my family's coffers. Expensive, but worth it for being allowed to live for a little while longer-"

"Don't be so stupid..." Ken coughed out, pushing himself off of the ground. "You shouldn't lower yourself for scum like them..."

Rachel blinked as Ken recovered without a single sign of weariness, brushing himself off. "What?"

"Well, those Underground Student Council guys are the ones in the wrong, aren't they?" Ken asked, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. "Then, if they want to start a war, we'll just give them Hell."

"Oh is that what we do," Rachel snapped in frustration, uncertain whether Ken's confidence came from ignorance or pure stupidity. "So I suppose we just smash into their meeting room and start busting skulls, huh? Maybe shoot laser beams into their brains and make them regret ever picking a fight with us, huh?"

"Ideally? Yes. Realistically? No," Ken answered, stretching out his legs. "There's no doubt in my mind that if we go against them as we are, we'll get flattened like roaches beneath their heels."

"You are such an-" However, it was then that Rachel finally noticed what Ken said. "O-Oh...Y-Yes. That's actually a reasonable conclusion, Ichijou." She nodded. "There's no doubt we would suffer a crushing defeat if we went up against them. The Underground Student Council aren't just some random group of elected officials. Only the best of the best would be able to maintain order over the supernatural beings in this town. They consist of seven students from the supernatural side selected personally by the Headmaster, the top of their respective classes in terms of both intelligence and strength and each of them hold power on par with High-Class. Their hierarchy is fairly simple, the members ranked on a scale from 1 to 7, 1 being the strongest and 7 being the weakest. However, higher numbers aren't anything to be relieved about since even the weakest member at any time is stronger than almost all of the supernatural students here combined. Some argue that, if one is chosen for the Underground Student Council, they may even have the potential to reach Ultimate-Class within the life span of a normal human being. It may sound like a long time from your perspective, but for almost timeless existences like Devils, it's an incredibly small number of years."

"I could feel it from that Grim Reaper, Terumi," Ken agreed, Rachel eyeing his oddly serious face with a curious look. "He was a douche, but he was a strong douche. Like, the strongest douche I've ever come into contact with aside from Arianna. I will always remember him as an incredibly powerful douche. If Rachel's power is the standard, it would have taken both of us just to break even in a fight against that powerful douche. He would have destroyed either of us alone, especially you, Rachel. He would have douched you up."

Rachel stared with half-lidded eyes, calming extending her hand.

"GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!"

Ken suffered dearly as another bolt of lightning struck from the heavens, roasting him like a chicken.

Rachel growled in irritation. "Even when you're trying to be serious, you still treat everything like a joke."

"Then perhaps we should discuss a plan of action," Chris suggested, causing both of the other youths to stare at her. She looked miffed at being left out of the discussion up to that point. "Should we simply acquiesce to their demands and refrain from interfering with this Arianna person?"

"That won't work," Ken said, calmly getting up as if nothing happened, brushing himself off. "Even if it's probably just a passing fancy, Arianna's Glasya-Labolas is currently is obsessed with me. She's a full-blown yandere. Even if we just ignored her, it would only serve to set her off anyway. I've seen enough anime and manga to know that it never turns out well."

"Glasya-Labolas?" Chris asked, rubbing her chin. She frowned. "The same family that produced the previous Maou Asmodeus?"

Rachel nodded. "I detest her with every fiber of my being, but she is incredibly strong," She admitted. "She surpasses me in every aspect. The three of us could attack her all at once and she would decimate us." From the irritated expression on Rachel's face, it was clear there was more to the story than just that, but neither of her servants dared to push the subject. "And so long as I am in possession of Ichijou, she won't simply ignore us. She's not foolish enough to start a battle on school grounds, but she's not the most stable of people either. In short, we have no idea what she could do or when she could do it."

"And with the Student Council in her family's pockets as you said," Chris sighed out, "we end up in a losing position no matter what we do. If she attacks us, we will be accused of being at fault if we defend ourselves, which would result in our deaths at the hands of her or the Student Council. And if we preemptively attack her, the Student Council will still come down harshly on us assuming she hasn't killed us herself. It appears no matter what we do, we lose." It may have been unintentional, but her eyes wandered over to Ken. "...At least, so long as Ken is your servant."

Ken stared. "Huh?"

Chris turned to Rachel. "I will be frank. If Arianna's obsession with Ken Ichijou is the root of the problem," Chris noted, "then why not simply let her have him? Just a few dates?"

"Apparently you missed the part where she's a total yandere," Ken answered. "There is no "just a few dates". There's "just a few dates and-SSSHLLLCK!"." Ken dragged a finger across his neck like a knife. "In the scenario I'm not brutally murdered, I'll probably end up as a prisoner locked up in some room for the rest of my days. I'm not too keen about that."

Chris averted her eyes. "But, it seems as though we end up one of those same scenarios either way only, if we don't fold our hand on this matter, we will _all_ end up dead."

"What are you saying?"

Chris pursed her lips. "I'm saying that, perhaps, we should put the well-being of the many over the well-being of the few."

"..." Ken stared blankly and, in Rachel's eyes, a look of clarity appeared on his face. "...Oh. Well, if that's the case then I guess I'll just-RUN!" Ken leaped towards the door only for Chris to tackle him mid-air, wrestling him onto the ground.

"Oh no you don't! I did not become a Devil just to die!" Chris snapped.

"Noooooooooooooo!" Ken cried, clawing at the ground. "Your breasts feel amazing against my back but I don't want to go out! Not like thiiiiis!"

"Ichijou! Just man up and become a yandere's sex slave!"

"Noooooo-" Ken paused, raising his head. "Wait, nobody mentioned sex. Let me rethink this-AHA!" The moment he got Chris to lower her guard, Ken slid out from between her arms, doing his best to evade her by running around their already cramped space, bumping against Rachel every single time he passed her. "This is my dick, you hear me!? MY dick!"

"Ken, we're going to be eviscerated by a Grim Reaper or be reduced to nothing by a yandere princess!" Chris screamed after him, grabbing him from behind and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Man up and give her your dick! It's for the greater good!"

"Noooooooooooooo!" Ken cried, digging his fingers into the wall. "I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Rachel's eye twitched. "Would both of you..." Magic circles appeared in the air around her. "-SHUT UP!?"

Chains made up of demonic power shot forth, at least four per magic circle lashing out and ensnaring her two servants to the point they could not budge an inch, suspended in the air. They were hog-tied, their arms and legs arced behind them as they swung back and forth like pinatas.

"R-Rachel!?"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm a rocket!"

Only one of the two was upset about their current situation. The other was swinging their bodies back and forth, flying around on their own momentum.

...It was fairly obvious which servant did what.

Rachel kept her hand extended, narrowing her eyes. "Let us get two things straight: I have no intention of surrendering what is mine," She declared darkly. "And I have no intention of giving that spoiled brat Arianna what she wants. Handing Ichijou to her is completely out of the question and if you even consider making such a motion again, you will face severe punishment. Am I clear, Chris?"

A drop of sweat dripped from Chris's face, Rachel's intimidating presence causing even a strong person like her to flinch.

"I knew you cared!" Ken cried, smiling brightly only to be silenced by the sharp look Rachel shot him.

"I don't want to hear a word from you either," Rachel hissed. "We are in a precarious situation and it will only be worsened if you run your mouth! I expect you to refrain from antagonizing either Arianna or the Student Council until I figure out a solution to our problem."

"I would have thought the solution was obvious," Ken said, scratching his cheek. "We just have to kick the Student Council's ass."

"That-!" Rachel paused, frowning. "Wait, how did you get your hands free?"

Ken blinked, realizing that he was no upside-down rather than just hanging from the ceiling. He stared at his hands. "Huh..." He turned back to Rachel. "I don't know."

Rachel shook her head. "Ichijou, I could come up with a million reasons to explain about why your plan is unintelligent and suicidal, but I will settle with the fact that WE DON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THEM!" Rachel snapped. "If we pick a fight with the Student Council, we WILL lose and then, more than likely, we will be imprisoned or killed for disobedience. The penalties for opposing the authoritative figures in this town are very severe. What, in that pea-sized brain of yours somehow convinces you that confronting the Student Council is the best idea?"

"Who said anything about fighting them _right now_ ," Ken said, crossing his arms, a gesture that looked comical while he was hanging from his legs.

It was that thought that made Rachel stare at him curiously. She snapped her fingers, the chains wrapped around him and Chris dissipating, the two servants collapsing in a small pile on the floor.

Ken stood up from the ground once again, wincing in pain. "Damn it..."

"Explain." It was not a question or a request. It was a command. Rachel's expression clearly said she was not in the mood for joking.

Ken scratched his head. "Well, the answer's obvious, isn't it?" He asked. "We just need to get stronger." He raised his hands when Rachel moved to shock him again. "Wait! I'm serious this time! Rachel, no matter what, we're boned if we remain in this situation! As long as those Student Council D-bags hold their superior powers over us, we'll never be safe. Thus, the only way for us to get on equal footing is to get stronger and bolster our numbers. The threat of mutual destruction would at least give us some room." Ken leaned against the wall. "We still have that other dossier, right? That other guy you were considering for your servant? We can start with that for now and think about training once we bolster our numbers a little. If we don't do something, there's no doubt in my mind that we'll be destroyed."

Rachel opened her mouth to object on instinct, but no words came out of her mouth after she processed what Ken said. "That...actually sounds like a reasonable plan," She admitted, trying to figure out if she was dreaming or not. She crossed her arms. "It's not as though I have any other ideas, so we'll just have to go with it for now."

"Yaaay~! I had an idea~!" Ken cheered, dancing around like a child.

Rachel narrowed her eyes. _"I can't tell if he's stupid or not."_ She shook her head, clearing her mind of such thoughts as she dug around the contents of her desk drawers. She eventually pulled out a file and dropped it on the desk. "This is the person I have been looking at for my third and final servant." She turned open the cover, revealing the picture of a boy with a child-like appearance and white hair, wearing their school uniform. "His name is Tetsuya Aragaki, a First Year student at our school. Compared to Chris, he may be a bit more difficult in acquiring for our side."

"Why is that, Rachel?" Chris asked. "Surely if we could-"

GURRRRGLLLLE!

The sound of a gurgling stomach interrupted Chris, everyone's eyes going wide before falling on Ken.

The brown-haired goof raised his hands. "Wasn't me?" He gestured to Chris, but she shook her head.

The two youths then settled their eyes on Rachel, the loli blushing a deep shade of red. She crossed her arms. "...Shut up!" She snapped when her servants refused to stop their staring.

"If you wish to adjourn the meeting so you can go eat," Chris said, "it's perfectly-"

"I'm not hungry, OK!?" Rachel snapped, glaring at the two. Ken and Chris exchanged curious looks, becoming somewhat worried when Rachel's expression became anxious of all things. "...I'm sorry. Look, just...ugh..." She shook her head, rubbing her temples. Ken could see her resisting the urge to rub her stomach as well as her attempt to hide the hunger pangs. "Just listen. Tetsuya Aragaki is hard to contact because he's a truant. Nobody has any information on his whereabouts during the day and it is difficult to pinpoint his location at any given point in time. We may need to do a little research for this one."

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Ken asked.

Rache shook her head. "Ask around school. Try and ask for information from his classmates and his teachers. All of their names are in the file." She pushed the file over to her servants. "Feel free to study it for however long you wish and get some rest, but, starting tomorrow, the real work begins."

[Yes, ma'am!]

"Dismissed!"

Free to leave, both Ken and Chris filed out of the room, leaving Rachel all by her lonesome, the serious expression on her face replaced by one of hunger.

"Uuuaaauuggh..." She hunched over her desk, beads of sweat forming along her brow. "Damn it...That was a close..."

She opened one of her draws, drawing out a handle with a razor-like blade at the end. A box-cutter.

Without a shred of hesitation, she dragged the blade softly along her wrist, just deep enough to draw blood.

"Oh thank God..." Her stomach gurgled and squirmed in protest. "It's not the best, but...I don't have a choice..."

* * *

 **The Next Day...**

"So this is Aragaki-kun's class?"

"It appears so." Ken crossed his arms behind his neck. "Let's see if Lil' Tetsu's in today."

The second that classes ended for the afternoon, Chris and Ken met up to discuss a way of finding their third comrade. They tried calling Rachel to ask for advice on how to handle things, but she wasn't taking their calls. Naturally, they had taken this as permission to do as they please. They hadn't discussed any form of plan, but it seemed easy enough and they were certain the other knew exactly what they were doing.

BANG!

Ken knocked the door down with a single kick.

"Alright, ya lil shitswizzlers! Tell me what I wanna hear or you're all getting pimp-slapped!"

Chris' jaw dropped. "Whoa, Ken! What the Hell!?"

Ken stared at her. "I thought we were doing Good Cop, Bad Cop?"

"That's for interrogations, not information-gathering!" Chris frowned, crossing her arms. "And more importantly, why would _I_ be the one playing Good Cop?"

"Coz you're the gentle-looking, buxom older sister-type," Ken explained as if it were obvious. "People would easily fall for your charms and, more effectively, your body...Why? Do you not want to play the Good Cop?"

"No," Chris said, brow furrowed. "Bad Cops have all of the fun! Frankly, I'm a little offended you assumed I wanted to play Good Cop just because I'm a woman."

One of the students in the classroom raised their hand. "But wouldn't that be-"

"No no, she's right," Ken noted, shaking his head. "I may be a Devil, but I'm not sexist. Want to do this over with you playing Bad Cop?"

Chris considered this for a moment before nodding. "Yes."

"OK," Ken bent over, picking up the door. "OK, guys, we're going to do this again and, this time, try to put a little more "Umph!" into those startled reactions, OK? OK. ACTION!" He put the door back into place, the room remaining silent for several moments.

Seconds passed.

Seconds turned into minutes.

Minutes turned into an hour.

By the end of that class period, they had all but completely forgotten about what had previous drawn their attention.

The teacher stood up at the front, addressing the class directly, "Alright, everyone. Don't forget to-"

BANG!

The door was blown down with the force of a hurricane, smashed through the window on the opposite side of the room.

"NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES WANTS TO DIE!?" The girl with the black pony tail stabbed a sword into the ground, an intense expression on her face. "...I'm sorry, was that too much? I think that was too much. Was that too much, Ken?"

"I think that was too much," Ken agreed, poking his head around the corner and noting the shocked and terrified looks on everyone's faces. "Yeeeaah, I think we botched this one, Chris-Super amazing Chris-sama. Should we call for a strategic retreat?"

Chris shook her head. "No, if we don't get results, Rachel might shock us or chain us up again." Chris shivered, a light blush on her face. "Do you know how embarrassing that is? Those chains were like bondage!"

"Embarrassing?" Ken scratched his cheek. "I dunno. I think it was pretty fun...wait, how come this embarrasses you, but not being naked in front of strangers?"

"There is a difference in having pride in one's body and showcasing it in a lewd manner."

"If there is, I don't see it."

"That's because one such as you has rather unrefined tastes, all due respect."

"I don't know. That sounded pretty disrespectful."

"No it's not. I said "all due respect"."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feeling, CHRIS!"

One of the students awkwardly raised their hand. "Um...excuse me?"

The two Devils turned to stare at him.

"But who are you two and what are you doing here?"

Ken gestured to Chris and then himself. "That's Christabel-Long Name No One Can Pronounce-Rosencrantz and I'm Ken Ichijou and we're here for some info~!" Ken smiled pleasantly. "Now, I know our previous theatrics may have given reason for alarm, but I guarantee-"

"Wait. "Ichijou"?" One of the students asked.

Another turned pale. "That's the same name as Demon Class Rep?"

"The girl who flipped a student completely upside-down for interrupting class?"

"The girl who reportedly threw a teacher through a chalkboard for straying off-topic?"

"The same person who has the power to destroy everything?!"

Ken smiled brightly, gesturing to himself. "That's my fugly cute baby sister~"

The entire class descended into silence-

"Demon!"

"He's here to slaughter us!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

-before immediately erupting into a chorus of screams.

Students were shoving aside desks, knocking each other over, stampeding over one another in their desperation.

The teacher at the front of the classroom dropped his chalk, staring passively...

"I WANT TO LIVE!"

CRASH!

There was the sound of shattering glass as he threw himself out the window.

"Oh my God!" Chris gasped.

"Oh don't worry," Ken assured her, "it's only the first floor~"

"We're on the _third_ floor."

.

.

.

"I'm sure there's a bush down there," Ken said nonchalantly before a remembering look appeared on his face. "Oh! Right! Sucker punch!" Ken clocked a passing by student right in the face, knocking him right off of his feet. "HaHA! Almost forgot!"

Both he and Chris bent over the student, watching as his dazed eyes rolled around in their sockets. "Momma...?"

Chris looked at Ken. "I think you hit him too hard."

"You're right," Ken agreed, standing back up.

"By the way, are all of those things they said about your sister true, Ken?"

"Nah~ They're just baseless rumors someone started up!"

"Oh...I wonder who would do something like that."

"I did," Ken said, smiling plainly at the stupefied expression on Chris's face. "Anyway, let's try again. CLOTHESLINE!" He extended his arm outward, catching another sprinting student on his wrist and knocking them flat on their backs. He and Chris bent over the newest (victim) student. "You awake there...?"

"Ugh..." The student groaned, rubbing his head. "What's your problem...?"

Ken threw his hands up. "Yay! I didn't give him brain damage!" He cheered. "Oh, OK! Can you give us information on some guy named Tetsuya Aragaki?"

It was then that the student's annoyed expression was replaced by one of amusement. "That shorty? Why do you want to know about him?" He asked.

Ken raised a brow. "Shorty?"

"Yeah," The student confirmed. "Tetsuya is like so short that you'd think he was a middle schooler."

"OK, well, what do you know about him? Does he have any friends?"

"Friends? That loser?" The student scoffed. "Nobody in their right mind would be caught dead hanging out with _him_. He's always just sitting in the back corner of the room with a weird look on his face. Then there's that weird piercing on his forehead and we just can't tell if it's a sticker or what."

Chris frowned. "Have any of you actually tried _talking_ to him? Maybe find out that he's not so different from the rest of you?"

"Apparently you missed the part where we would rather drop dead," The student taunted. "Hmph! Anyway, he hasn't been in class for weeks and good riddance. To be honest, I think we'd all be better off if that loser just dropped of the face of the ea-URGH!"

It was at that point that Ken's fist become painfully intimate with the student's face, knocking him out cold.

Ken raised his head to meet Chris's gaze. "...What? He was an asshole!"

"Did you hear me objecting?" Chris sighed as Ken dropped the student to the floor, both standing up with unsatisfied expressions. "So Aragaki-kun is notably unpopular. His classmates all but alienated him...I think I can understand why he wouldn't want to come to school."

"No kidding," Ken mumbled, causing Chris to stare at him. However, he only wore a smile on his face. "Hahaha! Did you see that though? I knocked that guy the fuck out! Hahahaha!"

"O...K then," Chris said, moving on. "So his classmates don't know where he is."

"We could try asking his parents," Ken suggested, scratching his cheek. "They might know where he is."

"No, remember what Rachel said? They don't know where he is." Chris walked over to her sword, removing it from the ground and putting it back in its sheathe.

"Noooooo," Ken argued, "she said that he couldn't be found at home. She never said his parents didn't know where he was."

Chris blinked.

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

Ken paled. "Oh shit! I think she's really pissed this time!" The two Devils peered down the hall to see an ocean of killing intent raging their way, an asura incarnated as a teenage girl sprinting towards them. "Speak of the Devil-RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

"You beat up several students!?" Chidori screeched after him.

"I didn't beat them up!" Ken screamed over his shoulder. "I just beat them DOWN! There's a difference!"

"Do you know how many favors I'm going to need to do to make sure you don't get expelled!?"

"Favors?! Come on! It's not like they'll make you do something sexual! Nobody would lust after your washboard-breasts!"

The rampaging asura became a god of death.

"GURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHH! CHRIS DON'T LET HER CATCH YOU OR YOU WILL DIE! UWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

"Should we be alarmed how easily a teacher gave us a student's address?" Ken asked, staring at the one-story, low-class house in front of him. "Coz that was alarmingly easy."

"Easier than escaping from your sister," Chris sighed out, frazzled from her near-death experience. It was the first time she had ever been terrified by a normal human being. "Did you really have to antagonize her like that?"

"Oh come on~" Ken waved off Chris's concerns. "It's fun to see all of Chidori's cute/ugly expressions~ Besides, no harm done~" he said this as blood flowed from the part of his skull a pair of scissors had stabbed into.

Chris stared silently for several moments. "...Anything's easy with the power of magic," Chris said, staring awkwardly at her hand while doing her best to erase the past ten minutes from her memories. "I just had to do...er...a little hypnosis. I would prefer not to have to do it again, so let's try to be more subtle from hereon out."

"Pleeeeeaaaassse," Ken waved her off again, yanking the pair of scissors out of his head, blood shooting out like a geyser. "I am like the most subtle person I know!" He walked up to the door and knocked. "DING DONG!" He knocked again. "DING DONG!"

Chris stared.

"...What?" He knocked on the door again. "DING DONG!" He turned back to the door. "DING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

[SHUT UP! I'M COMING!]

Ken and Chris were left standing there for several moments before there was a _click_ from the lock on the door. The door opened just a crack, just enough to stretch out the chain that kept it locked, a soft-blue eye peeking through the crack.

"Who is it? Who are you?" The voice, notably female, asked.

Ken peeked through the crack, trying to get a better peek. "Um...we were looking for Tetsuya Aragaki? Is he home?"

"Who wants to know?" The female voice asked with a slight edge.

"We're friends of his," Ken answered, earning a curious look from Chris, "from school."

The lone eye that appeared in the crack in the doorway widened before the door suddenly closed again. There was the sound of sliding metal as the top lock was undone, the door opening wide to reveal a young-looking woman dressed in a T-shirt and jeans with sandals. She looked mature, but her skin was so flawless and her body was so firmly curvaceous that it was hard to determine what age she was.

The following exchange occurred between Ken and Chris when they traded looks:

K: This lady's his mom.

C: Are you crazy? Her grace and supple form is that of an older sister!

K: True, she is an attractive woman, but there's no reason that that alone should disqualify the idea that she's a mother.

C: What are you talking about?

K: Women who take good care of themselves with proper diet and exercise could retain their good looks further into their lives.

C: But her skin. It's too flawless and there isn't a sign or scent of oily lotions or creams.

K: I will bet you five hundred yen that she is his mom.

C: You're on!

"Um..." The woman stared at the two youths, awkward. "...you said you were Tetsuya's friends from school, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yep!"

"Then, could you perhaps do a favor for me...?" The woman asked.

Again, the two Devils exchanged looks before turning back to the woman, giving a nods. However, it was when they raised their heads that they were able to get a good look at her face, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

She bowed her head, salty tears raining down from her cheeks. "Please save my son!"

.

.

.

"CALLED IT!"

SLAP!

"OW!"

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 6: The Delinquent - Will Rescue

* * *

It's been a little over a month since I last updated this sucker. Been busy with Devil Reborn Redux, but, now that Volume 1 is done, I have a lot more time to devote to both this and Delinquency of the Red Dragon!

I hope you've all gotten a better taste of the comedic stylings of Ken Ichijou and Chris Rosencrantz~! Finally! Ken has someone able to keep up with his eccentricity! Congrats, buddy!

Also, I've been kind of bored lately with DxD and was hoping to boost my inspiration with something fresh. If anyone has suggestions for series I could try writing for, I'm more than open to them.

Thank you for the reads and reviews!

Au Revoir!


	8. DxD:Neo Volume 1 Life 6

Tetsuya: Listen up for the disclaimer, dipshits!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Support the goddamned official release!

* * *

DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 6: The Delinquent - Will Rescue

Ken and Chris sat awkwardly at the rectangular table, accepting the tea that Mrs. Aragaki had poured for them.

It was bitter had the distinct taste of having come from a microwave. Considering the shabby condition of the house around them (paint peeling off of the world, creaky and cracked floors, a huge hole in the ceiling with Dead-God-Knows-What falling through), it wouldn't have been surprising. They couldn't help but feel it would have been offensive to their host if they asked when she was already giving them what was probably a lot of what little she had.

For that reason, Chris took a respectful sip every now and then as a means of feigning interest. Ken, meanwhile, drank the entire cup in one gulp.

This being the reason he was writhing on the ground, clutching his throat.

A lesson to children everywhere: Don't drink or eat while things that are hot.

While Ken was busy writhing, Chris focused on Aragaki's mother, a solemn expression on her face. "Aragaki-san, just before, you asked us to "save" Tetsuya," Chris said. "What did you mean by that?"

It was...unnerving. The woman couldn't stay put. Even though she had her own cup of tea set on the table, she didn't drink it. She didn't even touch it.

She only stopped for moments at a time, taking deep breaths.

It was a few seconds before she stopped for longer than a second, facing the two children. "Well, Tetsuya was never much of a sharing person," She sighed out, "so I guess you wouldn't know after he failed to show up for several weeks."

"Know what?" Ken gargled out, coughing with wet eyes.

Mrs. Aragaki sighed, almost seeming to struggle as she took a seat opposite the two teens. "It all started a few weeks back..." She said glumly. "As I'm sure you know, Tetsuya...he's never been...what I mean is he's...he's vertically challenged."

"He's a shorty," Ken piped up before being silenced by a sharp look from Chris. "What? I don't see anything wrong with that. He's just a guy like the rest of us. Height is just a detail. Like intelligence or the ability to pee standing up. It's no big deal if he's a shorty."

Despite Chris's reproving look at Ken for his tactless words, Mrs. Aragaki sniffled, wiping her eyes as an appreciative smile formed on her face. "That makes me glad to hear. I can see now how he became friends with you." The smile on her face, it made the pair actually feel a little bad for lying to her about that. "It's like I said. This all started a few weeks back. Tetsuya has always been made fun of and bullied for being vertically-"

"-Short," Ken piped up, earning a slap from Chris.

"-Short, yes," Mrs. Aragaki confirmed. "It wasn't as bad when he was little, but ever since middle school, he would always come home with something missing. A shoe, homework, his school things, his backpack, his student blazer, and, on some occasions, his underwear. And when they weren't stealing from him, they were putting things in his locker or writing terrible things on his desk. And all of this were during the few times they weren't shoving or tripping him in the halls. He never actually told me. I had to learn from his _teachers_!" She buried her face in her hands, tears leaking from her eyes. "He was suffering so much I didn't even know..." She started sobbing loudly, her entire body trembling in sorrow.

Chris fidgeted nervously, twirling her pony tail around her finger as she tried to discern a way out of the situation. "Um...Aragaki-san, w-what happened then?"

Mrs. Aragaki raised her head, sniffling as she rubbed her now-red eyes. "Then, after a while, Tetsuya started coming home late. He still had bruises, but he was _smiling_. He told me he joined a school martial arts club. I was happy for a while until one day I got a c-call from the school saying that Tetsuya hadn't shown up in a few d-days. I confronted him about this, but he just told me to shove off, told me that it was none of my business. I demanded to know what he had been doing..." She paused. "...That's how I found out he had joined a gang."

"A gang?" Chris asked. Ken merely looked on passively, receiving a slap to his hand when he tried to take Chris's cup of tea.

"Yes...You have to understand; Tetsuya's not a bad kid. He's just had a hard life between his height and his father walking out on us when he was little," MS. Aragaki explained. "It's those damned delinquents he's been hanging around! I just...I-I always told him to grow up to become a strong boy, but never like this...He's getting much worse to the point I don't even recognize him. He's going to end up in jail or worse and-Kids are supposed to come to their parents when they're in trouble, but I-I..." Ms. Aragaki started sobbing into her hands again. "What kind of terrible mother am I that my own son couldn't come to me for help..."

Chris lowered her head, uncertain how to comfort the crying woman.

She never considered the severity of the situation. Her upbringing had been far from normal, but this was the kind of suffering that a lot of humans endured on a regular basis.

She looked at Ken sitting next to him, blinking once or twice every now and then with no other movement. His mouth was a thin line on his face, his finger rubbing his chin pensively.

As usual, Ken Ichijou was a puzzle. Chris didn't have a single idea what he was thinking about.

After a moment of silence, Ken stood from his seat, circling around the table and standing beside Ms. Aragaki.

"There, there."

The woman paused at the feeling of a gentle hand petting her on the head. She looked up, tears in her eyes, to see the reassuring smile on the face of Ken Ichijou.

"Don't cry. Your face is too pretty for tears," Ken said peacefully, a light blush appearing on the older woman's face. "Just leave Tetsuya-kun to us."

"Huh?" Ms. Aragaki's eyes widened. Even Chris batted an eye at Ken's words.

"We'll go knock some sense back into him! Consider it a pact!" Ken gave a thumbs up. The cheesy grin on his face, regardless of how humorous it was...Tetsuya's mother could not help but be filled with hope at the sight of it. Eventually, he turned to Chris, the girl stunned into silence by what was clearly a passionate gesture. "Come on, Chris."

Chris nodded silently, standing up from her seat.

Ms. Aragaki sniffled, wiping her eyes as she watched the two make for the door. "I heard rumors that his gang can usually be found in the abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town."

"Oh, thanks!" Ken said, laughing at himself. "Whoo! I was about to walk out without getting what we originally came here for! That would've been embarrassing! Hahahaha!"

Both Chris and Ms. Aragaki sweatdropped at Ken's behavior, but Chris followed after him.

Ms. Aragaki clasped her hands in prayer. "Please...bring my baby home."

"Of course," Ken agreed, giving her one more glance. "We're his friends after all, right?"

And then they left...

* * *

"Get the FUCK out of my territory!"

KICK!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ken and Chris knew they had found the right place the moment a body flew by them, the upper half of the poor bastard's body crashing straight through the windshield of a car parked on the other side of the road.

The silence was quickly pervaded by more sounds of scuffle, causing the pair to rush to the alley's opening, peeking their heads around the corner.

What they saw wasn't a fight...

"N-No! Please! Have merc-AUGH!" A punch to the face quickly silenced him.

It was a massacre.

The people in the alley were divided into two groups: Delinquents who were standing triumphantly and delinquents who were crumbled like rag dolls on the ground. Naturally, those who were standing victoriously made a show of emphasizing how far above the defeated they stood. The way one of them kicked another in the head, even though they weren't awake to feel it, was just a testament to how twisted this group must have been. Chris found it sickening, desperately wanting to intervene to take their egos down a notch, but showing inhuman abilities (as well as brandishing weapons in public) was illegal. It would have only caused a lot more problems in the long run if she just ran out there.

"How pathetic," A burly voice taunted.

One of the delinquent scoffed. "These guys were so dull! Didn't even put up much of a fight!" He smirked, looking to the back of the group. "But can you really blame them? Everyone's this worthless compared to you, Boss!"

Ken and Chris had to cup a hand over the other's mouth to stifle their gasps.

To say that the man known as "Boss" was a giant would have been the understatement of the millennium.

At least eight feet of pure muscle, the white-haired youth in a torn student uniform looked as though he could pick up Ken and Chris and tear them in half. They would have mistaken him for a body-building adult if it had not been for the torn Kuoh Academy uniform modified into a long overcoat. Over his eyes, he wore a pair of dark shades and embedded in his forehead was a green crystal.

He sat upon a makeshift throne, arms crossed over his chest with a perpetual scowl over his face.

He grabbed one of the fallen delinquents, wrapping his big, meaty paw around the youth's skull. "Now," He said in a voice filled with testosterone, "if you all can give me a reason why you thought this was a good idea, I might just let you go."

"Ugh-gaaugh!"

"See, I don't get it either."

Around the corner, Ken frowned. "Something about this seems familiar...I mean-Umph!" Chris covered his mouth again.

"Sshh!" She hissed.

The monstrously-huge youth leaned forward, boring holes in the defeated delinquent's skull with his gaze. "Do you know who I am?" He asked before repeating it in a more forceful voice, "Do you KNOW who I am?"

Terrified, the smaller youth shook his head. "N-No..." It was hard to tell if this was the right or wrong answer as the giant grasped the delinquent's skull with his other hand as well, holding it like a football.

" **I** am the King," The giant said calmly. "This? This is my throne. This town? This is my kingdom." He stared at the head in his hands. "And what are you compared to me? Just a lowly peasant." With a might toss, the fallen delinquent was sent flying right into the side of a nearby dumpster, slamming into it hard enough that he left a human-shaped imprint in the metal before sliding onto the ground. "Hmph! Not even worth my time." He extended his hand off to the side, making a gesture with his hand. "Somebody pass me a beer."

"On it, Boss!" A youth Ken took for an ass-kissing pissant rushed towards the cooler laid off to the side, pulling out a canned beverage for their leader. He immediately rushed back to the muscle-bounded student, kneeling in front of him. "H-Here you go, sir!"

The leader took the can from his underling's hands, examining it in front of his face. "...Dumbass," He muttered. A look of panic and recognition appeared on the underling's face moments before the leader chucked the can at his skull, leaving a baseball-sized bruise on the underling's head before he collapsed to the ground. "Did I say I wanted a LITE beer? God, you losers would be lost without me."

"What a jerk," Chris muttered under her breath, glaring at the older youth. "I can't believe that Tetsuya-kun would hang out with a loser like this." She frowned, examining the area around them. "I don't see him anywhere...Do you think he could have gone out on some errand? There's no reason yet to think that he's at school or hurt in some way."

Ken raised his hand. "We could always go over to them and ask?"

Chris rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ken, let us go over to the walking meat tower and ask him. That is the best thing to do in this situation."

"OK~!" Ken agreed. "Hey! YOU GUYS! You thug-looking guys in the alley! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!" Ken stepped out from behind the corner, strolling towards the group.

"God damn it, Ken! I was KIDDING!" Chris screamed, following after him with her sword clutched in her grasp.

The gang quickly turned their attention to the "fresh meat", determining whether or not they were acting menacingly and, if so, the best way to brutally pound them into the dirt.

The leader leaned on his arm, shooting Ken a dirty look. "And who the Hell are you?" His eyes wandered away from Ken to his female companion, an interested smirk appearing on his face. "And _who_ is _this_?"

Ken smiled brightly. "I'm Ken Ichijou, this is Chris~!"

"Ahem!" Chris interrupted, annoyed. "My full name is Christabel Marmaduke Aloysius Benita Cobweb Dornagan Eres Felicia Marie Ignatius Jayden Jasper Leilani Maxine Nellie Obiajulu Peppermint Quilliam Sexton Tali Underwood Vivatma Mayland Zepherdor Yardley Zacharias Rosencrantz the Third!" She bowed theatrically. "A..." She frowned at how to describe her meeting with the disgusting thug in front of her. "Pleasure" certainly wasn't a possibility. "...It's a new experience to meet you."

"I see," The leader said, eyeing Chris with a look as if he was trying to see under her clothes. "You don't seem to be trying to invade my turf, and I doubt you're into the gang scene, so, if you don't mind me asking: What are you doing here?"

Ken raised his hand. "We're looking for someone by the name of Tetsuya Aragaki," Ken answered, still smiling.

The confident smirk on the leader's face faded slightly as he leaned back into his seat. "Well, you've got him," He said, causing the two Devils to stare. "...What?"

Ken, staring passively, groped around his person, searching fiercely for his pockets on his pants before slipping a hand in and pulling out a photo. The photo of the 1st Year known as Tetsuya Aragaki. He stared blankly. At the small (admittedly adorable) youth in the photo and the masculine youth in front of him practically overflowing with muscle. Then back to the photo. Then to the man claiming to be the boy in the photo. Then the photo. Then the man. Then the photo-

"Augagaugugh..." It was after a few dozen more instances of this that Ken started swaying, dizzy from turning his head so much. With a small groan, he flopped onto the ground. "I don't...I dunt...Chris!"

"Yes?" Chris looked down at Ken, blinking in confusion.

"I'm still feelin dizzy and nauseous," He groaned out, "but was Tetsuya always this piece of man-meat?"

"No," Chris said.

Ken sat up, legs crossed, rubbing his temples. "I mean, I know Lil Tetsu was nowhere near this threatening."

"As sure as I live and breathe," The human monster said, a scowl replacing his smirk, "I am Tetsuya Aragaki. The King of this place!"

Ken frowned. "But how? There's no way he should have become so big in a matter of weeks," He noted, rubbing his chin. "No matter what kind of hellish training you do, there's no physically possible way."

"It's probably magic or a Sacred Gear," Chris answered, her expression serious. "Don't forget that this is someone our master is considering turning into a Devil. She would not accept them if they were simply normal. I don't detect any magical power coming from him, so it's probably a Sacred Gear. A low or mid-tier one at best."

"So it's a Sacred Gear...?" Ken stared at his left hand. "Just like my Boosted Gear..."

Chris nodded, opening her mouth before pausing, turning to Ken with a raised brow. "You mean you didn't realize it?" Ken shook his head. "That's...strange. Sacred Gear-users are supposed to be able to sense one another. There should have been some kind tingling sensation from your Sacred Gears reacting to one another. Even if it's a common one, you should still be able to notice it."

"Huh...?" Ken stared at his left hand again before shrugging. "Oh well~"

"What is this?" Tetsuya growled, gazing fiercely at the two from behind his glasses. "You never answered why the Hell you were looking for me."

Ken rocked back and forth before leaping onto his feet, landing the dismount. He smiled. "Oh, we are Devils who came here to recruit you as a fellow hellspawn to spread the good word of our great lord Satan!"

.

.

.

Everyone stared with half-lidded eyes.

"Um...Ken..." Chris tugged on his sleeve. "I think that might have been a bit too much."

"But it's not exactly wrong though."

"Well, no, but don't forget he's been a normal human up to this point. Not to mention there are other normal humans around."

"But aren't they unable to see anything anyway?"

"No, but they can still hear."

"Ah."

"Not to mention that our explanation hardly seems appealing to normal humans, especially if they're Christians."

"Oh, so I should explain things to Lil Tetsu more thoroughly?"

"Yes, that would be preferable."

"OK," Ken said, turning back to Tetsuya, the muscle-bound youth's eye twitching in irritation at being ignored. Ken took a deep breath. "You see, Devils are real, we're Devils, and we want to recruit you so you can also become a Devil so our master can build a strong team to combat the douchebag Underground Student Council who want to destroy us and to combat my yandere stalker who wants my dick." Everyone stared more intensely. "...what?"

Chris face-palmed. "Ken, we need to explain it in a way that it makes sense to a normal person."

"Oh OK! I got it this time," Ken assured her before turning back to Tetsuya. "It all started back when I was murdered..."

* * *

 **Ten minutes later...**

* * *

"...And that's what led up to us meeting you here," Ken finished. He pursed his lips after noticing everyone staring. "...What?"

" _Too_ thorough that time," Chris sighed out.

It was by this point in time that Tetsuya's patience seemed to run out, the youth standing up from his seat in a huff. "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?" He snapped. "Coz I ain't laughing! If you're trying to entertain me, you'd better come up with something a lot better than that!"

Ken pursed his lips. "OK! How about this~?" Ken produced a top hat and cane, seemingly out of nowhere before breaking out into a dance. "Hello, my baby~ hello, my honey~ Hello, my ragtime gal~! Send me a kiss by wire~ Baby my heart's on fire~! If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone, oh baby~! Telephone, and tell me I'm your ooowwwwwn~!" With a swipe of his arms, he discarded his hat and cane.

"Oooh~!" Chris stared in awe, giving Ken a drawn out applause. "That was really good!"

Ken smiled, giving two peace signs.

However, Tetsuya appeared to be nowhere near as amused. "ARE YOU SCREWING WITH ME!?"

"A little," Ken admitted innocently.

In a mere second, a fist was where Ken's head once was, Ken himself sent sprawling across the ground by the sudden blown from Tetsuya.

"Ken!" Chris called out. "Are you alright?"

"Somebody get the number of that truck...!" He groaned out.

Chris let out a sigh of relief. "That's good. He's fine." However, she quickly turned to Tetsuya, narrowing her eyes. "What's your problem?!"

Tetsuya sat back down on his throne, scoffing. "It's like I told these other losers just a little while ago," Tetsuya said, gesturing to the delinquents his gang had defeated, "I am the **King** and that runt dared to piss me off. In this world, justice is determined by strength. I'm stronger than him, so that means I will always be in the right."

Chris's lip curled in disgust. "What a revolting human being you are," She said, placing her hand on the hilt of her blade. "I truly cannot see what my master could've seen in you to have considered you worthy of even being a servant. You're more like mutated pond scum."

"You have a big mouth, toots," Tetsuya taunted, smirking maliciously. "What's say we teach you a lesson?"

"WAIT!" Ken sat up, staring seriously. "By "teach a lesson", what do you mean?"

Tetsuya raised a brow. "Beat her up. What else?" He was even more confused by the sigh of relief Ken gave before collapsing back to the ground.

"OK, continue."

"Boss, you aren't seriously just letting her off with a beatin', are ya?" One of the underlings next to Tetsuya, disappointed, asked. "I mean, look at that bod! We could keep her for ourselves and-AUGH!" A cross to the face silenced him as did the scowl on Tetsuya's face.

"Did I fuckin' stutter? Or do I need to remind you that I-Am-The MOTHERFUCKING-KING!" Tetsuya screamed before pointing at Chris. "Now, get her!"

Not daring to defy their "King's" words, the other underlings rushed forward, carrying a mix of crowbars, baseball bats, brass knuckles, and other gang-like weaponry besides firearms.

Chris sighed, drawing her sword from her blade. "Sad."

All of the underlings rushed her at once.

Then came the flash of light.

Then the sound of tearing cloth.

Within five seconds, Chris returned her sword to her sheathe, the dozens of youthful delinquents collapsing to the ground around her, their clothes torn to shreds. She barely paid them a glance.

"I doubt that Rachel would be pleased knowing I drew my sword for normal humans," Chris said, "but I'm sure she'll understand given the circumstances."

In that moment, Tetsuya's interest returned with a vengeance, giving a toothy grin at Chris's prowess. "Not bad, babe," He praised. "You decimated all of my boys in about five seconds. I mean, they're nowhere near as great as me, but all of them at once would have at least been some kind of hassle." He stood from his throne, calmly strolling over to Chris. He placed a finger under her chin, tilting her unhappy face to face him. "I could use someone like you working under me? What do you say?"

"What?" Chris asked thoughtfully.

Tetsuya stretched his arms out. "Think about it! Between my strength and your strength, we'd be unstoppable! We could _rule_ this city!" He gestured towards the end of the hall. "This town would be our fuckin' oyster and not a damned person could stop us!"

"Oh?" Chris smirked. "And what makes you presumptuous enough to believe you stand on the same ground as me?"

Despite Chris's clear taunt, Tetsuya only smirked. "Do you think all of this muscle is just for show?" He asked. "Observe."

For a moment, Tetsuya was silent, taking one deep breath.

"Mmmmmmmggggggghhhhhhh!"

His body started to glow a red color, Tetsuya's face contorting into a focused expression. That was when Chris saw something astonishing.

Tetsuya's mass began to grow.

His clothes began to look tighter, the thread count struggling to restrain his growing physical body.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

The sleeves of his blazer tore from his shoulders, more cloth tearing over his abdominals and back.

Chris could swear he grew another foot or two.

"THIS," Tetsuya said in an even meatier growl, "is my power!" He flexed, further tearing apart more of the clothing covering his upper body. Thankfully, his pants only tore around the knees, preventing anything unpleasant from possessing the risk of showing. "Do you believe me now? This is the power of the King of Kuoh!" He smirked, extending his hand. "So what do you say? You and me, babe? Who knows, I might even let you become my woman if you're lucky!"

Chris looked from Tetsuya's outstretched hand to the person offering it, her expression refusing to change from the half-lidded eyes she wore since Tetsuya started transforming.

"Pass."

"That's what I like to here, babe!" Tetsuya cheered. "Welcome aboa-What?" It took him a moment to realize Chris's refusal. "What do you mean "pass"?"

"You're a selfish ego-maniac who preys on those weaker than you to satisfy your own arrogance," Chris said bluntly. "Quite frankly, only a loser would join a pathetic weakling like you."

"Weakling...?" Tetsuya blinked.

"That's right," Chris confirmed. "Weakling. Pushover. Namby-pampy. Wimp. Sissy. Weakling." She stared in defiance of the man that towered over her. "You're a huge man, yes, but size doesn't mean anything. Even if you are a giant, you are still nothing more than a pathetic, worthless, weak, waste of human flesh who is on a never-ending power trip."

"You..." Tetsuya's body started trembling with anger, his muscles tightening as he clenched his fist, the gaze behind his glasses becoming one of hate. "YOU BIIIIIIIIIITCH!" Unable to control his anger any further, Tetsuya threw his giant fist as Chris, the swordswoman drawing her own sword from its sheathe.

 **[Boost!]**

CHNNK!

Both Tetsuya and Chris's eyes went wide at the sight that unfolded before their eyes.

Between them stood a certain brown-haired, ahoge-bearing youth, his gauntlet-covered left hand catching Chris's sword and his normal right hand catching Tetsuya's fist.

"..."

"..."

They could only stare in silence, the youth's face hidden by his bangs.

They expected him to say or do something, but he just stood there, not even moving an inch.

Chris blinked. "Um, Ke-"

"STOP!" Ken said, standing straight. "Devil Time!" With a soft push, he separated the two fighters from one another. The two stared at him for several more seconds, waiting. "...OK, I'm done."

Chris narrowed her eyes. "Why did you interrupt?" She asked. "Don't tell me you're actually still considering letting this guy join us? He's a big jerk with a very undeserved ego! Do you really want someone like that working with us!"

"Of course not," Ken said obviously, "but you were going to seriously hurt him."

"Are you defending him?" Chris asked.

"Of course not," Ken repeated, confusing her. "But...you forgot the other reason we came here, Chris."

"Huh?"

Ken pointed to Tetsuya. "Yeah, Rachel was the reason we started our search for him, but the actual reason you and I wanted to find him so badly was because it was what Ms. Aragaki asked us to do. Our pact." Ken extended his arms out in front of Tetsuya. "Do you know how upset she would have been if something bad had happened to her Lil Tetsu?"

Chris stared. "...Ken?"

Ken stared with a pleasant smile. "I mean, how could you ever want to let such a nice lady cry like that? We both made a promise to make Tetsuya come home." He gestured to Tetsuya. So, he's kind of a jerk. That doesn't mean you just give up on him. He's not perfect, but I believe there may be a chance to redeem him for the crimes he committed and the people he hurt before now and I _know_ there have probably been several. I'd like to think they would be crimes that could be easily paid for."

Chris frowned. "...but..."

"We promised," Ken reiterated. "At the very least, we should try and convince him to settle this peacefully. Please, Chris? At least give it a chance."

Chris remained silent, crossing her arms. "I-" However, she never even got the chance to answer. Her eyes went wide at the monstrous shape rising behind Ken's body.

"Hm?" He wondered, unaware. "Something wrong, Chris?"

"Look out!"

Ken didn't even have a time to process what happened.

He opened his eyes, and when he did, they widened to the size of plates, the woman in front of him having caught the worst of Tetsuya's blow.

"Augh!" Chris skidded to a stop across the ground, wincing in pain as she grasped her right shoulder. It was hard to tell if it was a sprain or dislocation, but even a Devil would suffer some kind of injury after being hit dead-on by such a strong punch. Such was the power of a Sacred Gear.

"Chris!" Ken rushed to his friend's side, kneeling beside her. "Are you alright?"

Chris winced, sitting up, rubbing her shoulder. "I'm fine. I can still take him." There was no doubt about it. No matter how strong Tetsuya was, flesh could not repel steel on its own. She grabbed her sword which had fallen next to her. She used it to push herself to her feet, her right arm hanging limply by her side.

"You want to go again, babe?" Tetsuya taunted, grinning maliciously. "You don't stand a chance against me! This isn't even my full strength! I could crush you both like bugs! You're nothing more than insignificant peasants compared to me. The strong feed upon the weak. That's how the world has always worked. People act as though their blind to it, but it's the basis of everyone's lives. They strive in order to become weak and those who are weak will forever live beneath the heel of the strong."

Ken stared at Tetsuya, shock on his face.

"You're over-justifying things," Chris spat, glaring at Tetsuya. "You were bullied and, now that you have power, you're venting your frustrations on everyone else on some mindless power trip."

"Don't you talk down to me like you understand anything!" Tetsuya threw another punch.

There was a dull _slap_ as his punch made contact against an open, gauntlet-covered hand.

"That's enough, Lil Tetsu." Ken turned to face the muscle-head, staring softly as he firmly grasped Tetsuya's fist. "If you go any further, your mother will cry."

Tetsuya raised a brow. "Huh?"

Ken stared at Tetsuya. "Your mother asked us to save you, Tetsu," Ken explained. "She was worried about what you were doing and about how you could end up hurting yourself." There was a pleading look in Ken's eyes. "You have to stop this. Do you think you're actually above others by just beating up everyone you don't like? Being strong doesn't make you right nor does being correct. If there is even a shred of humanity not consumed by your power, you have to stop. Your mother is waiting for you to come home."

For a moment, Tetsuya was silent.

"Well? What do you say? Do you just want to put this all behind you?"

"What do I say...?" Tetsuya parroted. Then he grinned. "Go fuck yourself!" He brought his other fist around, striking Ken right in the center of his face. There was a violent jerk, but Ken stood his ground. Although his face was obscured, blood dripped down his chin and onto his student jacket.

"Ken!" Chris drew her sword, prepared to attack her comrade's assailant.

"Stop," Ken's soft voice stopped her.

 **[Boost!]**

The gem on Ken's gauntlet glowed as he raised his other hand to grab Tetsuya's wrist, squeezing it tightly.

"What?!" Tetsuya's eyes widened as Ken started pushing him back, his body trembling from the struggle to free his hands from Ken's grasp. "How are you-!?"

Ken raised his head, a smile completely absent from his usually-jovial face. "I told you to give up, Tetsu," He said, his voice disturbingly calm, "but it looks like I'll have to make you submit."

"What are you-AUGH!?" With a strained flick of his wrist, Ken knocked Tetsuya down to his knees, pushing forward as Tetsuya unwillingly knelt before him. "Bastard! I'm going to seriously kill you for this!" He grit his teeth, letting out a bestial roar as he used his legs to try and push himself back up. "I won't be beaten...by a loser like you!" He pulled his head before bashing it against Ken's, jarring the smaller youth just hard enough to loosen his hands from Ken's grasp. He backed away. "Time to show you my TRUE POWER!"

For a moment, Tetsuya was silent, taking one deep breath.

"Mmmmmmmggggggghhhhhhh!" He flexed his muscles even more violently, his entire body seeming to convulse from his effort. "MMMMGUAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

His body started to glow a red color, Tetsuya's face contorting into a focused expression. The reddish aura quickly changed to a greenish radiation.

Tetsuya's mass began to grow.

Despite the seeming impossibility of it all, Tetsuya's body started to grow thicker and larger. His shirt could no longer contain his massive body, being torn to pieces and revealing his absolutely inhuman torso. Every visible vein showed to the point that they would have needed only a small poke to pop. His hair stood up on end, also shrouded by the misty green aura surrounding his body.

Tetsuya let out a bestial roar that caused the earth to quake.

Ken stared blankly. "Either he's on magical steroids or he just went Super Saiyan," He said, turning to face his friend standing behind him. "Either way, I think you might need to tag in, Chris."

"H-Holy shit..." One of his fallen underlings gasped.

"Th-This shit's getting too real!"

"Let's get out of here!"

One by one, the defeated and nude underlings of Tetsuya rushed out of the alley, determine public humiliation was better than staying around for all Hell to break loose around them.

Tetsuya turned his primal-looking eyes towards his fleeing underlings. "Cowards!" He roared, grabbing a nearby dumpster in one hand. "Weaklings like you can just GO TO HEEEELL!" He threw the dumpster with the ease with which one would throw a ball at his former associates.

"No you don't!"

SSCHHNK!

With a single swing of her sword, Chris cut the dumpster in two, the two halves crashing into either side of the alley, the delinquents spared a severe blow.

"Attacking your former comrades while their backs were turned," She narrowed her eyes. "There is officially no reason for me to restrain myself against a coward like you!"

"Chris!" Ken said, shooting her a look. "I already said-WHOOP!" Ken leaped out of the way just as Tetsuya's fist came crashing down on the spot he had been standing in just seconds before.

CRACK!

A crater a large as Tetsuya's whole body formed from the explosive impact, the force so great that even the foundation of the buildings on either side of them.

"Raaaaauuuuuugh!" Tetsuya swung viciously, Ken maneuvering his body around the air to avoid his blows. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he received a direct hit.

"Ken!" Chris rushed forward, swinging her sword. "Take this!" When her sword met Tetsuya's arm, it felt like metal colliding against metal, the vibrations running up her arm and down her spine.

Tetsuya smirked. "My turn." He swung his fist.

SHNNK! CRACK!

"Augh!" Despite Chris's best attempt to block with her blade, she may as well have been wielding a stick of butter for all the good it did her. She deflected Tetsuya's blow enough to avoid being hit, but her blade broke clean in two. She landed on the ground in a roll, quickly rolling back to her feet. "Damn it...Tetsuya! You had better stop this now!"

"Yeah, Lil Tetsu," Ken agreed. "Don't you want to become a productive member of society? Hell, with power like this, you would do a pretty kick-ass job in physical labor, maybe even law enforcement-PFAAAUUUGH!" Ken had let his guard down, and, as a result, Tetsuya had all the opening he needed to deliver a direct blow.

Ken hit the nearby wall with a resounding crash, his body literally sinking into the stone wall.

"Ken!" However, Chris quickly refocused on Tetsuya's endless barrage.

Tetsuya let out a bestial roar. "Society? Justice? Morals? Those are just things you hypocrites made for your own convenience! To justify the ways you abuse your own power!"

Chris curled her lip in disgust. "You're lecturing us!? After all of this!?" She avoided Tetsuya's blows one after another, but it was beginning to look like a hopeless battle. _"...Should I use it...?"_ She wondered to herself, rolling around an especially severe punch. She cursed, gritting her teeth. _"No...I...I can't...Especially not against a human, but I..."_

"JUST DIE!"

It was while she was lost in her thoughts that Chris let herself lose her focus on the fight unfolding before her. She made the foolish mistake of trying to guard with her arms.

There was an unpleasant _crunch_ as Tetsuya's fist completely caved in her arms, the blow sending her flying and tumbling across the ground. She laid there, on her front, wincing in pain from her shattered arms and what were possibly several fractured ribs.

Though Tetsuya lacked in speed, in his current state, his punches could literally break through steel. As a mere Pawn, Chris didn't have the basic stats needed to survive direct hits like that.

"Do you see yet?" Tetsuya taunted. "In this world, the strong thrive while the weak perish. Compared to you losers, I am a King! There's no way I would ever lose to you!" He raised his fist to strike again. "Now I will put you right in your place where you belong!"

A forehead met Tetsuya's fist, creating a sound reminiscent of wood breaking against a metal bar.

 **[Boost!]**

More blood began trailing down Ken's front, flowing at an uncomfortable fast rate from his head. Half of his face obscured by Tetsuya's fist, Ken could only stared with one half-lidded eye.

"What!?"

Ken continued staring at Tetsuya with what was arguably a condescending look. "Is that really all you have?"

Tetsuya's eye twitched, Tetsuya taking a deep breath. "Why yoou...?!"

"Ken..." Chris groaned, trying to force herself into a sitting position to no avail. "...run away...!"

Ken smirked. "No worries, Chrissy. I thought there was more to him than just this, but there's nothing special about him at all," He said. "He's strong, but he's got muscle and that's it."

 **[Boost!]**

Tetsuya tilted his head to the side in a mix of frustration and annoyance. "Are you still alive?" He pulled his fist back to strike again. "How many times do I have to break your skull before you STAY DEAD!?"

 **[Explosion!]**

Ken pivoted on his left leg, swinging his right leg around in a perfect arc and slamming the back of his heel against Tetsuya's arm.

Perhaps he had put too much of his weight into his attack, perhaps he had never expected anyone to deflect his attacks, but, regardless, when Ken knocked Tetsuya's attack off-course, Tetsuya stumbled, leaving him wide-open. Ken followed up with several punches and kicks. A sweep at his legs to destroy his balance, a blow to his right shoulder to prevent the attempted counter strike, several punches to his abdomen, a palm to the face to disorient him, and then a knee to the groin to make him jerk forward reflexively. Ken stepped forward, hand open. There was a resounding _slap_ as his open palm struck upward from the bottom of Tetsuya's chin, causing his body to float upwards for a moment. Without waiting further, Tetsuya raised his gauntlet.

He leaped into the air above Tetsuya, bringing his heel in a straight kick downward on Tetsuya's stomach, sending him crashing straight towards the ground.

Tetsuya fell into a crater caused by his fall.

"Whoa..." Chris gasped, watching as Ken landed on the ground in front of her, his stance as calm as before.

The victory was, unfortunately, short-lived because, before even a second had passed, Tetsuya was back up, laughing despite having a broken nose and large bruises across his body.. "Hahahahaha! Is that the best you got!?" He taunted. "I don't know if I told you before, but I-AM-THE MOTHERFUCKING-KING!"

"So?" Ken asked, completely taking the wind from Tetsuya's sails. "Is there really anything great about being on top? About being above everyone else?"

Tetsuya's eyes widened. "Wha...?"

Ken narrowed his eyes. "You keep saying you're the King...King of _what_?" Ken extended his arm, gesturing to the empty alleyway. "Do you see anyone else here? Do you see anything worth fighting for? No. Power doesn't give you something worth fighting for because, regardless of what you say and what you believe, the fact remains that you are the same, pathetic loser you have always been. And let me tell you what, it's not because of your originally small size, no, it's because you are the type of person who can't even stick up for yourself and takes everything out on innocent people. You made your sweet mother cry, you rule your subordinates by fear, not friendship, and you attack anyone who disagrees with you. No matter what you say, as you are, you will _always_ be a loser, Tetsuya Aragaki."

There was a long silence that ensued following that speech.

Then the trembling of violent rage. "You...!" Tetsuya growled. "I'll...kill...YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!"

The aura surrounding Tetsuya became ten times more intense and several times larger as Tetsuya flexed his muscles more vigorously.

His body mass began to grow again, his muscles becoming so large, that his height and the length of his limbs started to look very disproportionate. One could barely tell if he even had a neck due to how meaty he was becoming.

"I'll show you...!" He growled. "I'LL SHOW YOU ALL! The bullies who picked on me! You ants who talk so arrogantly without understanding anything! I'll-I'LL-IIIIIIII'LL!" However, that was when something started to feel incredibly wrong. "What-What is this!?" Against his wishes, his body started to convulse even more violently, his muscles practically ballooning around his head. "N-No! STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Ken crossed his arms behind his head, staring passively. Chris could only watch from the ground in shock.

"NO! NO! LISTEN TO ME!" Tetsuya demanded to himself, screaming in agony as his veins started to pop out more violently. "NO! WHAT'S GOING ON!?"

"What's going on?" Ken reiterated rhetorically. "You've grown your muscles to monstrous extents and your body can't withstand the strain." He continued after noticing the confused looks he received. "I realized it after being knocked around the first few times. The only thing that increased was the size of your muscles, not the structures supporting them. You're not actually growing. Your muscles have just been expanding in a way that simulates a growth in actual size and now you've reached your limit. Think of it like a balloon that's being overfilled with air. It all ends with a great. Big..." Cracks started to appear across Tetsuya's body. "-Pop."

 **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!**

A loud, resounding boom rang through the air. Smoke filled the air.

"Soooo..." Chris said awkwardly as they started to fall into silence. "...is he dead?"

"Nah," Ken waved her off. "The magical power that was sustaining his body just burst out..."

And the smoke cleared, leaving a bloodied, battered, but still very much alive youth laying in a crater of his own creation.

Ken crossed his arms behind his head, bending his leg back and tapping his toes against the ground. "So what do you say, Lil Tetsu? Willing to give up yet?" He asked.

"No..." The figures struggled to sit up, blood gushing out of the open wounds on his body. His hair was matted with dirt and hanging down around his face. Every breath brought him clear agony. "I don't...I don't care what you say...!" His voice had become notably higher, like a child's. He stumbled to his feet, clutching his wounds. With his clothes torn to shreds, he looked like the Incredible Hulk after he changed back into Bruce Banner. He looked exactly as he had in the photo Rachel gave to her servants. "I'm the King...I'm the King God damn it!" He tried to stand only to fall onto all fours. "It's not fair...It's not fair dammit! I was finally strong...! I'm not supposed to lose like this...!" Tears of frustration started rolling down Tetsuya's cheeks. "I can't lose to losers like you...!" He just kept beating his fist against the ground, sobbing and whining. "...I'm not some shorty...I'm not...I just..."

"The one who abused his power to hurt others and boost his ego is crying about _his_ life is unfair," Chris scoffed, sitting up against a nearby wall.

Ken approached Tetsuya's kneeling form, crouching down right in front of him with a passive look on his face. It was...odd for Chris, watching Ken before Tetsuya, like their roles as giant and little mouse had been completely flipped.

Tetsuya raised his head, glaring daggers at him. "Are you going to gloat...?" He asked. "Going to mock "little midget Tetsuya"?" He gave a bitter smirk. "Come on...! Spit it out! I know you're just aching to take a shot at me...Just another hypocrite..."

Ken remained silent, instead slipping his arms out of his torn and bloodied student jacket and throwing it on the ground in front of Tetsuya.

Tetsuya stared at the jacket in confusion before looking back up at Ken, the latter whom stood and turned around, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Get yourself cleaned up a little."

Tetsuya stared at Ken suspiciously. "Huh...?"

Ken stared at Tetsuya with disinterested eyes. "You said that the strongest is King. If you won't listen to a reasonable man, then you'll listen to the King," Ken answered, walking over to the downed Chris, picking her up from the ground in a bridal carry. "Clean yourself up and head on home. I'm fixin' to do the same. Be sure not to miss anymore school either."

"Ken...?" Chris stared, wincing slightly as she laid in his arms. "You're just going to let him off? He might come after you."

"Probably," Ken agreed casually.

"Then why," Tetsuya grunted, trying to force himself into an upright position with all of his might, "why the Hell...Is-Is this pity...? Are you...Are you looking down on me? You think you're better than me!?"

"Personally, I don't think anyone is better than anyone," Ken answered bluntly without missing a beat, causing Tetsuya's eyes to widen in surprise. "It's a matter of self-image. Strength? Good looks? Talent? They're just labels that we let people judge us by. But I just don't see it."

"What...?" Tetsuya hissed. "You...You have the same power as me, don't you...? How can you not want to use power like that to get ahead...? Do you want to reach the top...? Be the best over everyone."

Ken shrugged. "When you reach the top, what is there really to see?" He asked almost rhetorically. "Being strongest, being smartest, being the best...it all seems rather boring. It's dull to have nothing left to strive for. The struggle to obtain one's desire in life is makes it worth achieving. Thus, I don't see anyone as better or worse than one another in terms of position in the world. We're all just pioneers traveling down our own paths. Every mistake we make is just a misstep on that path, so all we can do is backtrack and try again when that happens."

"It's that easy, huh...?" Tetsuya scoffed. "So if someone called you a loser and bullied you everyday of your life, you just shrug it off and get over it...? You think it's that easy...?!"

"Yes," Ken answered, earning more stunned silence from Tetsuya. "I'm the protagonist of my own life. The only person allowed to decide my value is me, you got that?"

"..." Tetsuya lowered his head.

"I don't think you're a loser either," Ken continued, walking around Tetsuya. "After all, a loser wouldn't have someone waiting for them to come home."

"Huh?" Tetsuya raised his head, staring as Ken left.

"Someone still loves you a lot," Ken said, although it was hard to tell if he intended for Tetsuya to hear him. "See you at school tomorrow, Lil Tetsu!"

And so the two Devils left Tetsuya Aragaki alone, alone with his own thoughts.

Ken walked away calmly, holding Chris tightly in his arms.

"Ken?"

"Hm?"

"Did you really mean all of that...?"

Ken nodded. "Yeah. Being perfect, the best, is boring. It's because we're flawed that we have things to strive for," He said. "People like Tetsuya, people like Rachel, and people like you, people with your own unique flaws and quirks, you're my favorite."

Chris blinked, blushing slightly. "You know, it almost seems like you're flirting when you have your hand cupped around my breast." Ken looked down, watching as one of the hands wrapped around Chris's chest (albeit unintentionally) pressed against Chris's bosom.

"Ah."

"..."

"..."

"For the record, I thought you were pretty cool back there."

"Yeeaaah~ I'm pretty great, aren't I~?"

"What are you going to tell our Master when we recover from our bruises and broken bones?"

"...Huh?"

"We failed to recruit Tetsuya as her servant. That was like the WHOLE reason we came out here to begin with."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Shit."

* * *

 **Aragaki Household...**

Tetsuya groaned as he banged his fist against the door.

"Damn it..." He had eventually recovered enough to walk home, but it felt as though every muscle in his body had exploded (which they did). "Even though my power makes me bigger, that asshole punches really hard..."

He frowned, banging his fist against the door again.

"Hey!" He called out. "I don't have my key on me! Could you open-"

SLAM!

The door was thrown open so hard that it smashed into the wall adjacent to it.

Tetsuya was taken aback.

Her eyes were red, tears stained her cheeks, and her hair was a complete mess. She looked as though she hadn't bathed in days and stress was clear on her face.

"M-Mom...?" Tetsuya called out, almost unable to believe this was the same woman.

"Tetsu..." She gasped, her eyes going wide with realization. They began to water as the shock began to wear off. "Tetsu...!" Before Tetsuya could even figure out what was going on, the older woman wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. "My baby! You're finally home...I'm sorry...! I'm so sorry! I should've...I should've been there for you and I-I just..."

"Mom...you were...worried about me?" He blinked. Last he recalled, he hadn't give her much reason to want a relationship with him. He had...Well, looking back on it, he had been kind of a _dick_.

Ms. Aragaki stared at Tetsuya as if he were crazy. "How can I not be worried about you...!?" She asked, tears pouring from her eyes before immediately pulling Tetsuya back into her motherly embrace. "I knew it...Even though it was crazy, those friends of yours...I knew they would bring you home!"

""Friends"?" Tetsuya wondered, raising a brow. "What friends?"

"Oh those lovely students from your class," She answered. "The...Um...It was those...Hmmm..." Ms. Aragaki frowned. "Come to think of it, they never left their names. It was this rather sweet yet dopey boy and this girl with a sword...I'm just so glad they were able to convince you..."

Tetsuya's eyes widened. "They-!?" He couldn't even finish his thought before his mother lapsed back into her sobs...over _him_. "Mom..."

Despite all he had said and done, his mother, a woman who had already been to Hell and back since he was born...she was crying over him.

[I don't think you're a loser either. After all, a loser wouldn't have someone waiting for them to come home.]

That was what the boy, Ken Ichijou had told him...

The boy who wanted to bring him home...

Tetsuya stared at his sobbing mother. "Mom..."

[Someone still loves you a lot.]

Tears started leaking from Tetsuya's own eyes, a deep pain and warmth overwhelming his heart. "Uwaaaaaaah! Mommyyyyyyyyyy!" He returned his mother's hug, sobbing loudly. "I'm so sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

And, for the first time, mother and son shed their tears together, the scars on their hearts finally beginning to mend...

* * *

"...and that's what happened."

Chris stared passively at Rachel, behind her desk as usual with a Gendo Ikari-style sitting position.

"So you failed to recruit Aragaki-kun then," Rachel presumed, sighing.

After having their broken bones fixed and bruises tended to, it was agreed that the members of Rachel's Peerage would gather in the sports shed again.

Ken was busy napping on a pile of baseball gloves with a blissful expression on his face. He must've been having a a nice dream. It was only through Chris's intervention that Rachel refrained from blasting him again for acting so laid-back.

"I'm sorry," Chris apologized, bowing her head. "Amidst all of the chaos, we did not find an ideal opportunity to convince Aragaki-kun to join us." However, when she raised her head, there was an expression of distaste on her face. "However, if I may speak freely, milady, I hardly think he would have been a fit for our group. He's egotistical, childish, obnoxious, and has no thought for tact or manners!"

Meanwhile, on his bed of gloves, Ken let out a loud snore. "Uh...Mmm...Ladies, ladies please...! Mmmm..."

Rachel glanced from Ken to Chris with half-lidded eyes.

"...OK, sure, but it's _adorable_ when we do it!" Chris argued. "When Tetsuya did it, he was just rude." Chris looked down. "Still, even though his was a low-tier Sacred Gear, he had already obtained a fair grasp as to its abilities. If Ken hadn't tricked him into going beyond his limits, I'm sure even Ken would've had trouble with that fight."

""Even Ken"?" Rachel repeated with a curious look. "What do you mean?"

Chris scratched her cheek. "Well, during the fighting, there were a few distractions and..." She sweated at Rache's raised brow. "-I-I would've performed better under any other situation, but-Well, it was Ken who brought Tetsuya to his knees, even before Tetsuya went over his limit. I get the feeling your Knight is a lot smarter than you give him credit for..."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," Chris confirmed, thinking back to the fight the other day. "He acted like a goof, but every move was intentional. Getting hit to assess Tetsuya's strength, waiting so he could determine the nature of his power, and then making several deliberate and well-placed strikes to Tetsuya's body to incapacitate him. Not to mention the amount of damage he was able to take and keep fighting..."

"Well, Devils do have superior physiques compared to those of humans," Rachel reasoned before rubbing her chin, "but still..."

She had done her research on Ken beforehand.

He entered Kuoh Academy with top marks, but his academics afterwards left much to be desired, so she chalked it up to a fluke. He wasn't part of any extracurricular clubs or groups, and his social standing in the school was vague at best. Yet, no matter what, he always seemed to pull ahead and always seemed to know more than he let on. He acted as a sheep, but had the makings of a wolf...or did he? It was hard to determine what he actually thought of everything due to his idiotic behavior...

No matter how Rachel looked at it, the youth known as Ken Ichijou was a complete mystery.

Rachel glanced again at the boy, staring with a deadpan expression as he turned in his sleep, scratching his bum. "...I guess the Red Dragon Emperor is capable of anything."

"Mmmnnn...Chidori..." Both female Devils paused, staring at Ken with uncomfortable looks. "No..." Ken started trembling in his sleep. "No please! N-No...No! NOOOOO!" Ken suddenly jerked upright, fully conscious. "NOT THE POLYGAMIST CASTRATION FIST!-Hm?" Ken blinked, as if just realizing he wasn't in wherever he had been dreaming of. He turned to Rachel and Chris. "Oh...G'mornin', ladies!"

Rachel sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Forgetting that, we still have a major problem," She said, catching both of her servants' attention. "In case you haven't noticed, it's been three days and we still haven't made any progress shoring up our power and we still have no idea when or how the Student Council might act. I'm still using my information network to scrounge up information on potential candidates for our group, but Tetsuya Aragaki and Chris are the only ones I had immediate means of tempting."

"In short, we're screwed," Chris said, sighing. "I guess I could've tried harder to bring Tetsuya to our side."

"Nah," Ken waved her off, causing Rachel and Chris to stare at him. He crossed his arms behind his head, laying back into his glove-bed. "There was really not much either of us could do in that situation. Hell, even if things hadn't broken out into a fight, I doubt Lil Tetsu would have joined anyway." He stared lazily at the ceiling. "In the end, there's nothing we can do to decide the road someone else takes." Both girls sighed.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

They raised their heads towards the door. The only three members of their group were already present and they highly doubted that one of their enemies would have politely knocked on the door.

"Come in," Rachel said calmly.

"U-Um...Hey." The door opened just a crack and a glimpse of white hair was what first gave away the identity of the entrant.

"Aragaki-kun!" Chris had almost mistaken him given his now-diminutive size, but, sure enough, it was the same youth they had fought in the alleyway the day before. She placed her hand on the hilt of her new sword, narrowing her eyes at him. "What do you want here?"

Tetsuya looked away, seeming awkward. "Well, I was told that this was where you guys normally hang out, so I thought I'd drop by and...after everything that happened the other day, I just wanted to say..." He paused, noticing everyone staring at him with raised brows. He began to sweat nervously. Without his muscles and sun-glasses, he looked so awkward and spindly, standing there all nervous and whatnot. "Look, I just...ugh..." He groaned. His intent was obvious, they all knew, but it was just as obvious that things like this didn't come natural to him, especially having had no friends before. He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "Forget it...I just...Forget it..." Shoving his hands in his pockets and turning to leave. "I'll just go home."

"Lil Tetsu, wait!" Before Tetsuya could even take a step out the door, an arm draped over his shoulder, a monkey-like grin facing him when he turned his head. "Don't tell me you came all the way here just to cop out like that?! Forget going home. Let's go to the arcade!"

"H-Huh?" That was clearly not what Tetsuya expected.

"I don't study and you're behind on your school work for skipping so many days anyway, so let's go out for a night on the town," Ken said. "What do you say, buddy?"

"W-What, but I-I-Huh!?"

"What do you say, Chris?" Ken asked to his friend. "Rachel? You in?"

"Well, it's not as though we have anything better to do," Chris said, grasping Rachel's hand and dragging her along.

"H-Hey! Hold on!" Rachel protested. Unfortunately, her size was even smaller than Tetsuya's so, suffice to say, she didn't have much of a say in the matter.

"You ever play Street Fighter, Lil Tetsu?"

"N-No-and it's not "Lil Tetsu"."

"I hope you can forgive me for trying to cut you the other day, Lil Tetsu. Hopefully we can put that event behind us."

"OK, that one was deliberate! My name's Tetsuya!"

"When we're done with Ichijou's mundane antics, there is a proposal I would to discuss with you, Lil Tetsu."

"That's not my naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!"

Ken laughed.

The night was still young.

 _"In the end, there's nothing we can do to decide the road someone else takes,"_ Ken smiled to himself as Chris continued to tease Tetsuya, _"but_ _sometimes, the end of the path chosen may be closer than you think..."_

New bonds, strong bonds, were forged.

And the world would keep on spinning...

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 7: Our Club - Will Name

* * *

Came out much longer and lower quality than I had intended, but here it is.

Now that I've finally cranked this one out, I can finally focus on the next chapter of Delinquency of the Red Dragon or my other secret project I've been toying around with.

In other news, started reading Kakegurui (sadomasochistic adrenaline junkie girl in a school where one's value is how much money they win via gambling) and Tiger & Bunny (started today and I LOVE IT!).

That is all, I suppose.

Thank you for the reads and reviews!

Until next time!


	9. DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 7

Rachel: Let us begin another disclaimer!

DxD: Neo is a fan-based parody! High School DxD, High School DxD New, High School DxD BorN, and all related media are the property of Fushimi Shobo, TNK, Funimation, and Ichiei Ishibumi! Support the official release!

* * *

DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 7: Our Club - Will Name

 _Where..._

 _Where am I?_

 _He kept wondering over and over again..._

 _Who...Who am I?_

 _Around him, everything was the same..._

 _Darkness..._

 _The endless void._

 _Cold...So cold..._

 _He curled up, but there was no warmth in his body..._

 _So...So cold..._

 _Dark._

 _No light._

 _No hope._

 _The blank emptiness..._

 _The embodiment of despair._

 _No-Not empty._

 _Eyes._

 _Heads._

 _He could tell their shapes but they were shrouded in the darkness..._

 _So many..._

 _Whispers._

 _Noise._

 _Too many...There's too many..._

 _Shouting. Screaming at him._

 _So much anger..._

 _So much hate..._

 _Drowning in despair._

 _They keep screaming!_

 _Words of hate. Hatehatehatehate!_

 _They hated him._

 _Deafening._

 _Please stop the screaming! No more...No more...No more!_

 _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILL._ _KILmake it stop_ _L. Claws on neck._ _DESTROY._ _DEVOUR._ _BURN._ _KILL._ _MURDER._ _KILL._ _HATE. DIE. DIE. Dmake it stopIE. DEVOUR. BURN. RAVAGE. HATE. KILL. DESTROY. EVISCERATteeth piercing his heartE. SCORCH. NO MERCY. DESTclaws around his neckROY. DEVOUR. BURN. KILL. Repeat. DESTROY. DEVOUR. BURN. KILit hurts so muchL. Repeat. DESTROY. DEVOUR. BURN. KILL. SCORCH. DIE. MURDER. RIP APART. DEAD. HATE. DEVOUR. FIRST HEAD. THEN LEGS. THEN HEART. DEVOUR. BITE._ _KILL._ _KILL_ _KILL._ _KILL_ _KILL._ _KILL_ _KILL._ _KILL_ _KILL._ _KILL. KIPlease make it stopLL._

 _WHY!? WHYWHYWHYWHYWhYwHYwhYWhywHywHywhywhywhy!?_

 _Their teeth sank into his flesh._

 _Bite away. Bite away. Bite away. Rip away. Tear away._

 _The teeth bit away his flesh. His arms. His legs._

 _Painpainpainsomuchpain._

 _Like knives stabbing into his body._

 _It hurt..._

 _Let it end...please..._

 _"It's okay."_

 _There she was...just as she had always been..._

 _A hand brushing away his tears._

 _"You don't have to cry anymore."_

 _So soft...kind...it hurts..._

 _Please..._

 _His body felt so small..._

 _Someone...save me..._

 _"I'm sorry..."_

 _She cried...She was crying..._

 _Why was she crying...?_

 _Then she ran her hand through his chest._

 _"I'm so sorry..."_

 _So much pain..._

 _Why was she crying...?_

 _Hand closed around his heart..._

 _"No matter what, I'm going to save you...I promise."_

 _The pain began to disappear..._

 _Less hurt...but burning...why was it burning...?_

 _"You need to wake up..."_

 _Feeling so light..._

 _"Wake up, _..."_

 _Huh...?_

 _"Wake up."_

 _But that's-_

 _"Wake up!"_

* * *

The youth's eyes shot open. He sat up in his bed, sweat dripping from his face.

He curled up into a ball...and he started crying.

* * *

It was later that night.

A meeting that normally consisted of three now consisted of four.

The newest addition to their little meeting group, Tetsuya Aragaki, sat with legs crossed on the ground.

"So, let me get this straight," Tetsuya said, leaning against the wall of the sports shed that acted as the base for the Astaroth servants, "you guys are actual demons?"

""Devils" is the politically correct term," Ken corrected with a smile as he laid in his usual bed of baseball gloves. "But yeah, we're pretty much the spawn of primordial darkness. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Hell YEAH it is!" Tetsuya agreed with childish glee. "That actually explains a lot about why you were able to beat me!"

"Actually, I could have beaten you hands down even as a human," Ken said bluntly, waving off Tetsuya's claim.

"Liar," Tetsuya retorted.

"Oh I'm quite serious," Ken said, straight-faced. "In fact, if I hadn't been there to try and recruit you to our side, we would not have even been having this conversation. You'd be face-down on the ground, and I would be laughing..." He stared. "Hahahaha."

Tetsuya narrowed his eyes. "Are you serious?"

Rachel sighed. "Sadly, it's hard to tell with this one." It was the truth. Ever since Ken Ichijou had become her servant, it had become near-impossible to discern whether or not he is joking or serious about something. He rarely gave any indication either way until he slapped you right in the face with the reality of it all. She STILL couldn't even tell how smart he actually was. "Regardless, he has brought you into our fold. Regardless of who you were before, tonight I present you with an opportunity so many humans would only dream of. Regardless of who you were before, tonight, you have the chance of being reborn as a creature of the dark! Regardless of-"

"Rachel, you're using "regardless" waaaay too much," Ken piped up.

Chris nodded in agreement. "It's true. We know you're trying to sound cool for the newbie, but you kind of kill it by using "regardless" so much."

"I-I'm not trying to sound cool!" Rachel denied, her face flushing red. "This is a very serious conversation! I don't need you two fools butting into it with such stupid observations!" She then remembered Tetsuya, staring at her with an unimpressed expression. Rachel cleared her throat, trying to regain the air of mystique that was never really there to begin with. "Anyway, to sum it up, Aragaki-kun, I ask of you to remove your mortal shackles and ascend to the existence of a Devil, as my servant."

For a moment, Tetsuya was silent.

"No thanks."

It wasn't a very long moment.

Rachel stared, as if she couldn't understand the words from the boy's mouth. Chris wasn't quite sure what to say. Even Ken sat up from his bed, brow raised.

"W-What? B-But why not!?" Rachel asked, just as frantic as she was shocked. "I offer you to become a literal Devil, to gain great power and near-immortality, and you just say "No thanks"?!"

"That's actually the problem," Tetsuya said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I don't really _want_ immortality. I mean, hundreds to thousands of years of life to do _what_ exactly? Not to mention I have my mom to think about. What would I tell her? She would NOTICE that I never aged even if I've always been shorter than our kitchen counters. Even disregarding how _boring_ that would be, I actually want to be a more productive member of society now."

"Are you suuuuure?" Ken asked, smiling as he poked Tetsuya in the face. "If you work hard, you can get your own servaaaants~ You can build a hareeeem~"

"N-Mmn-No," Tetsuya said after clear hesitation, trying to shake off the light blush of temptation on his face. He looked resolute once more. "I want to become someone Mom can be proud of and someone who can support her like my deadbeat dad never could." He smiled pleasantly. "I didn't realize it before, but thanks to Ichijou-senpai, I've completely turned over a new leaf. Good thing too! My old self wouldn't have realized this at all and would have accepted your offer in a heartbeat!" He smiled brightly, turning to Ken. "Thanks for setting me straight, Senpai!"

Ken grinned back, giving him a thumbs up. "No probz, buddy! I-" His smile froze on his face as he felt a malicious presence. "Hm?" He turned his head to face Rachel.

"Murder" did not even BEGIN to describe the expression she wore. Darkness itself would tremble at the aura surrounding her.

"Sooooo," Chris said, awkwardly watching as Rachel stretched her arms out, her hands trembling as if the loli were imagining them wrapped around Ken's neck, "on a scale of 1-10, how screwed are we?"

Rachel's eye twitched. "Eleven."

"That's pretty screwed, isn't it?" Ken whistled. However, he didn't lose his upbeat demeanor. "No worries though. I'm sure we'll find other people to bolster our numbers, Rachel! We have plenty of time~!"

"Well we don't really know that, now _do we_ ," Rachel snapped before biting the tip of her thumb. "We have no idea if or when Arianna or the USC will attack us! With someone as unstable as Arianna, it's only a matter of time! And her actions will only be a catalyst for even greater trouble! On the _presumption_ we survive direct conflict with that spoiled harpy, there is still punishment by the USC to worry about!"

Ken laid back in his "bed". "That's always been hanging over our heads and repeating it over and over again when there's nothing to do about it will only make wrinkles on your pretty, doll-like face. 'Kay, babe?"

A vein popped out on Rachel's forehead, her fingers digging deep into her desk as she gnashed her teeth together in frustration. "Ichi-joooouuu..." She growled.

"He's right though," Chris chimed in before Rachel could blow up. She panicked when Rachel's volcanic fury turned towards her. "A-About the "hanging over our heads" part, not the "wrinkles" part! Your skin is pale and flawless as always, Master!"

"OK, wait," Tetsuya cut in, a little miffed at being quickly forgotten. "I'm a little out of the loop, what with me being the only non-Devil here. Who's Arianna? Who are these USC guys? And why are you guys calling Astarotte-senpai "Master"?...Answer that in any order you want."

Ken raised his hand. "In order: Arianna is a murderous Devil yandere who wants my erection, the USC-the Underground Student Council-is the teenage Illuminati of Kuoh Town, and the reason we call Rachel "Master" is because she's our sexy Devil pimp-momma who Devil-fied us~!"

His three associates stared with deadpan expressions.

"Um..." Tetsuya turned to the other two. "...Can someone translate that to plain Japanese?"

"Minus the embellishment," Rachel sighed out, "it was actually a pretty dead-on explanation...except for the "pimp-momma" part."

However, that did nothing to alleviate the smaller youth's confusion. If anything, it was only amplified. "...Maybe you could explain in more detail about what's going on? Really, I have nothing going on, so I have a lot of time for you to tell me _everything_."

Ken cleared his throat. "Very well! You wish to hear everything? Let me start from the place where most stories start: THE BEGINNING! It all started back when I was three-"

[NO!]

Chris, Tetsuya, and Rachel all yelled in perfect unison, staring at Ken with half-lidded eyes as a mischievous smirk grew on his face.

"Aw poopy~" Ken shrugged, smiling foolishly. He waved off his previous comments. "Alright~ Alright~ But it's really not a different story from what I told you when we first met, Lil Tetsu. Remember?"

Tetsuya raised a brow. "Yeah, but it didn't make much sense then either. You keep saying you were killed by this Arianna chick and that there's these Student Council guys, but I still don't get it. I've only known that Devils were real for about less than a day!"

"It's really not that complicated," Chris reiterated, scratching her head. "I mean, I know Ken is a bumbling fool, and it's very endearing, but there is no other way to explain it."

"But who ARE these people?" Tetsuya asked. "I don't know who they are or what you guys are really talking about."

Ken rubbed his chin. "Well, the simplest answer is that...well, you know the 72 Devils of the Ars Goetia?

"I've heard OF them," Tetsuya said. "If you're asking if I study demons and demon lore, then no."

"Those are the names of 72 Devil Clans who are all pretty much top shit, Demon Nobles and stuff," Ken explained. He stood up from his bed and walked over to Rachel, patting her on the head. "Despite her adorable looks and small stature, Rachel-" Rachel's eye twitched in irritation. "-is also one of these Devil nobles who essentially have free rein in regards to humans, which includes me. Arianna, another one of these nobles, got the wrong impression and now stalks me with ruthless abandon. I mean, she blew me so hard-" Tetsuya and Chris gasped, faces blushing. "-in the chest with a blast of magical power."

"You worded it like that on purpose," Tetsuya noted. Ken gave a small chuckle, but did not deny this claim.

"Since then, she's hounded and harassed me-"

"What?" Rachel raised a brow. "What are you talking about? I haven't seen her since you first became a Devil and she menacingly entered the clubhouse to try and seduce you and taunt me."

Ken chuckled, but there was significantly less amusement in his voice. "Well, maybe she hasn't been bothering _you_ , but, as for _me_? She has sent me no less than 759 texts and 1,925 voice mails."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You're exaggerating."

"Oh?" Ken challenged, pulling out his phone and pressing a button. There was a small _BEEP_ before a message started to play-

[Darliiiing~ Just calling to make sure you don't forget your beloved's voice~ I do wish we could speak more at length! So troublesome being in separate years~]

Rachel waved off Ken's message. "Is that all?"

"No," Ken answered, pressing the button again.

[Just me again~ Noticed you haven't picked up my calls. Is your phone on? Is your phone broken? Don't worry! Just let me know and I'll fix it up in a jiffy!]

 _BEEP_

[Hey... _Babe_? I believe that's how girlfriends address their boyfriends. I believe it's nowhere near as classy as _Darling_ , but if that is what pleases you...]

 _BEEP_

[So, Darling, how did you like the cookies I left on your doorstep? I filled them with lots of love like the internet said. I wasn't sure what it meant by "love". After looking up various meanings of "love", I determined from romantic relationships that "love" meant intercourse so I put in some of my **** in the batter.]

 _BEEP_

"Oh God, I ate ten of those cookies!" Ken gasped, his face turning a deep shade of green. "OH GOD! Chidori ate 12!" He stared at the others, his phone trembling in his hands. His normally joyful expression warped into one of absolute disgust and terror. "Do NOT tell Chidori!" He tapped on his phone. "Let me speed up a little bit..."

[Just wondering where you are, Darling~? Sorry to leave so many messages~ Just feeling lonely here~]

 _BEEP_

[I've noticed you changed your route between home and school. It's getting hard to follow you~]

 _BEEP_

[I'm beginning to feel a little fed up with your "playing hard to get" routine, Darling~]

 _BEEP_

[Where are you, Darling?]

 _BEEP_

[You're starting to really upset me, Darling!]

 _BEEP_

[I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT!]

Everyone jumped back at the screaming voice that came from the phone's speaker.

 _BEEP_

[I'm sorry, Darling, I didn't mean that! That was too mean and I'm sorry! I really want to make it up to you! Please call me!]

 _BEEP_

[I washed the underwear I borrowed from you, Darling. You can meet me after class if you want them back. I knew you wouldn't mind it if I used them. I just needed Darling's scent to get through the night~]

 _BEEP_

"-And it kind of goes on like that for a few hundred more times," Ken concluded, putting his phone away.

Tetsuya stared, beads of sweat dripping down the sides of his face. "That was so...soooo-"

"Eccentric?" Chris offered.

"Fucked up, yes," Tetsuya agreed.

Rachel rubbed her temples. "To think she would be so obsessive..." She sighed out. She turned to Ken. "Has she approached you personally in the past few weeks?"

Ken shook his head. "No. She's spammed my inbox and voicemail and filled up my mailbox with gifts and love letters, but other than that, she's been giving me my space-for the time-being at least. I catch her watching me from the shadows sometimes, but she's never approached me." He crossed his arms. "So, as before, yandere stalker."

"I think I'm beginning to grasp the scope of the issue," Tetsuya said nervously. "So that's that Arianna chick...but what about those USC guys?"

"The Underground Student Council," Rachel clarified, "are, in simple terms, the governing body of the supernatural beings in this town."

"The Student Council of the supernatural kids who beat the shit out of anyone who breaks the rules," Ken clarified further. "Of course, as with just about every form of government out there, they're corrupt the core and only out for themselves so they immediately fold under political pressure and if we take the fight to Arianna, they'll come after us. That's why we were off recruiting new members for our group in the first place, why we came to you, Tetsuya."

Tetsuya tugged at his collar. "...How bad is it?"

"There's no telling what Arianna's going to do and, the moment she does whatever it is, and it WILL involve smashing us to pieces, the USC will take a big shit on the remains." Ken blinked when Rachel stared at him. "What? It's true!"

"Now that we're right back at only three members, we're not sure what we're going to do," Chris sighed out. "Our current fighting power is stalled and Arianna is more than we can handle with our limited numbers. With 3 people, we're doomed."

"Now that's not true," Ken argued. "I'm _screwed_. _You two_ are _dead_. And when I say "screwed", I mean Arianna is going to lock me up in a sex dungeon forever...which would be very, _very_ bad."

"Would it help if there were four of us?" Tetsuya offered, earning stares from the other people in the room.

"Have you reconsidered the offer to become my servant?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"No," Tetsuya denied, immediately crushing Rachel's hopes, "but if you just need people to fight with you, you can count on me to have your back. I know I'm not as tough as Ken-senpai, and I don't understand too much about the affairs of Devils, but, if you need help, you can call on me to have your guys' backs." He beat his fists together, a wide grin appearing on his face. "Give me a wall and I'll break it right down! Just try and stop me!"

The three Devils stared in surprise at Tetsuya's sudden choice.

"Tetsuya," Ken sad, his tone slightly lighthearted than it was before, "this isn't something you should treat casually. This isn't a game. Ari's a psychopathic yandere. If you fight with us, she won't even hesitate to rip your head off. She _will_ kill you. And if she doesn't, the USC will do their damned best to finish the job. You should really think about that before agreeing like that." Ken walked up to the smaller boy, bending down and staring him right in the eye. "Now, before you agree to join us, I want you to take several moments to carefully consider the situation. Ask yourself this: Are you prepared to _die_ for us?"

Tetsuya considered this.

"Now, what do you say?" Ken asked.

"..." Tetsuya paused. "Fuck no I'm not gonna die for you!"

Ken shrugged, as if having expected this answer.

"I would much rather we all live and go hang out at the arcade later," Tetsuya said, smirking as he cracked his knuckles. "Like I said before, I don't understand that complicated shit, but I'm always up for a good ass-kicking when it's warranted." Tetsuya crossed his arms behind his head. "At the very least, I wouldn't mind seeing how that psycho-chick looks with a fist in her face..." Ken stared. "OK, that one was a little lame. I'll work on it. Point is: I'll fuck her up..." Ken kept staring. "Like I said, I'm working on it!"

"Well good on ya, mate!" Ken praised, slapping Tetsuya on the back. He turned to Rachel. "See, Rachel? We have our fourth member after all!"

Rachel sighed. "It's not the situation I envisioned, but it's still preferable over having no help at all." She stared at Tetsuya with examining eyes. "We will need to discuss the extent of your abilities and your control over that Sacred Gear of yours, but for now, just your alliance with us is good enough." She sat in her chair, hands clasped in a Gendo Ikari style. "And with that, our numbers have increased to four."

"Heiress of the Astaroth clan, the revered Sword-Witch, the Red Dragon Emperor, and the delinquent from down the block," Ken noted with a jovial smile. "We got this in the bag!"

"We're on our way, I'll admit," Chris said, hefting her sword over her shoulder.

"On our way, but not even halfway through to the desired result," Rachel said. "You guys don't know Arianna like I do...Even without her Peerage, she's still a formidable foe. We can't afford to let our guards down because we got cocky."

"Oh relax, Rachel," Ken said, waving off her concern. The smile left his face and, for the first time since Rachel had met him, his expression seemed completely serious. "I feel there's something of even greater importance to worry about."

"Greater importance?" Rachel asked with a brow raised. "And what would that be?"

"Our club's name, of course!"

The tension of the moment was completely lost in that one statement.

[...What?]

His friends only gave deadpan responses.

"Think about it!" Ken said, gesturing to all of them. "With Tetsuya, there are four of us! We officially have the required number of students needed to form a club! We could totally form a club!"

"Perhaps we should have been clearer," Rachel sighed out, rubbing her temples. "WHY should we form a club? It's a meaningless waste of time that would be better spent coming up with a plan!"

"Because this is the first opportunity any of us have had to do so!" Ken argued passionately, gesturing to each of them individually. "I was kicked out of several clubs for my borderline ADHD behavior, Tetsuya was the school delinquent, Chris has never been to a normal school before, and Rachel never had friends before-"

"I object to that remark!" Rachel squealed, her face flushing red.

"My POINT is," Ken continued, "that none of us have ever had the proper experience of school life. Even if it's in name only and a guise under which we perform the bidding of the Dark Lord, it would be nice to even have just the semblance a high school life, right? You know, before we're all brutally beaten into the dirt and disemboweled by a deranged psychopath and a corrupt police force comprised of teenage honor students."

""Disemboweled"?" Tetsuya questioned, swallowing nervously.

"Come ooooon, Rachel~" Ken pleaded with sparkling eyes. He threw an arm over her shoulder, waving his other hand through the air. "Imagine it! You'll be the president of a club so exclusive it only has four members!" He blinked at Rachel's doubting stare. "No, really! We have not one, but TWO ethereal beauties! Not to mention we have my devilish good looks and Lil' Tetsu has his gentle-looking face and skin as smooth as a baby's buttox that's bound to attract one or two shotacons!"

"Hey!" Tetsuya snapped. "I'm not that short!"

"Just think about it!"

Rachel pursed her lips, considering Ken's request.

"I mean-"

"No." Rachel said with a cold, deadpan expression.

Ken recoiled from her sudden bluntness, but his smile quickly returned. "Come on, Rachel~!" Ken pleaded, hugging her tightly, much to her irritation. "It'll be great!"

"No," Rachel repeated, "we're not doing that."

"Oh, don't be like that, Rachel~" Ken teased, poking Rachel in the cheek, causing a vein to pop out on her forehead. "Just you and your besties together in a club at school! I mean-"

"I said "NO", Ichijou," Rachel repeated once more, narrowing her eyes. "We have far more important things to do at the moment! Every second we waste is a second that could have been used to come up with a solution to our problem!"

For a brief moment, Ken paused, his expression falling somewhat. "But-"

"No!" Rachel barked, her fierce tone making even Ken step away from her.

"Rachel-"

"Look!" Rachel interrupted, shaking her head. "I understand you have a hyperactive disorder of some kind and childish demeanor, but I am low on patience and we are not in a situation where I can continue indulging your meaningless desires."

Ken patted Rachel on the head, his smile twitching slightly. "Oh, don't be a party-pooper~ It'll be fun~ Pwetty pwease~?"

"For the last time: No," Rachel reiterated, gritting her teeth.

"Pleeaase?"

"No!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssss-"

"Ichijou! For once in your life, will you please just SHUT-UP?" Rachel snapped, smacking away Ken's hand. She glared daggers at him. "WE! MAY! BE! ABOUT! TO! DIE! When will it finally sink in?! When will you realize how royally screwed we are and knock it off with your imbecilic nonsense!? Were you dropped on your head as a child!? Is that why you are such a completely and utterly insane man-child!? Have you ever taken a single thing seriously in your entire life?! Even after being MURDERED by this woman, you still cannot maintain a serious atmosphere for longer than five seconds! You seriously wonder why you never had any friends before!? It's because they couldn't handle all of the crazy! I may not have had friends before, but at least that was due to reasons I couldn't help rather than being an unbearable TWAT like you! Not a single second goes by that I don't regret bringing that ungodly noisy mouth of your back into this world and I am tempted to pray to the long-dead God to have mercy on my soul for doing so!" Rachel took a deep breath, gripping her desk so tightly her fingers split the wood. "And if you can't find a single ounce of maturity in that horrible, poorly-formed brain of yours to give decent attention to this grievous issue, then you can just GET-OUT!"

For a very long time, there was silence, Rachel panting from what was likely a few weeks' worth of pent-up frustration. She leaned on her desk, almost dizzy from the amount of oxygen she had expelled from her body.

It was only when she got proper bearing on her surroundings that she realized both Chris and Tetsuya staring at her, their eyes showing shock...and a hint of fear. Rachel didn't even realize she had been releasing demonic aura.

"...OK" A soft whimper was what made Rachel look up, noticing the target of her frustration.

Not a trace of a smile was on Ken Ichijou's quivering lips.

Rachel blinked, watching as Ken's eyes began to water. "I-Ichijou..."

"I'm sorry..." He said so softly that it was almost a whisper. "I...I promise I won't bother you anymore..."

Without another word, his head lowered like a whooped dog, Ken walked out of the sports shed, leaving the occupant count at three.

After his departure, Chris and Tetsuya turned back to Rachel, the High-Class Devil, uncomfortable looks on their faces. However, neither dared to speak to her.

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "What?"

Tetsuya scratched his cheek. "Um...I know I'm not your servant and everything, Rachel, but...that seemed a little mean."

"Oh please," Rachel waved him off, "Ichijou will get over it and be back before you know it." However, her expression didn't reflect the confidence her words implied.

"I don't know..." Chris said uncertainly, looking out the door as Ken disappeared from sight. "I mean, I've never seen Ken look so upset. I know he's a bit much to handle at times, and I know the situation is serious, but he's only trying to be "the fun one". I think you really hurt his feelings, Rachel."

"This is Ichijou we're talking about," Rachel deflected, sighing. "He's fine...He's fine." She sounded even less certain the second time she said it. She did her best to hide it under her normal expression. "He's probably already forgotten all about this. Probably laughing his rear end off...Yeah...Just laughing."

* * *

"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Ken sat on the park bench, sobbing into his arms.

It had been over an hour since Rachel had yelled at him and the ache in his heart had yet to be soothed.

"I don't get what's up with me," Ken sniffed. "Rachel shoots and insults me all the time...I don't get why I'm so bothered this time..." He choked, wiping his eyes on his sleeves. "I really don't get it..."

This was the first time he had been made to cry by another person.

It had came as such a shock that he had been mentally unprepared to deal with it.

Over the course of his life, Ken had been happy, angry, unhappy, annoyed, nauseous, and sad. He had been in various states of being, but never before had another person actually forced him to tears.

It was not a good feeling.

He wasn't even sure what to do with himself.

He didn't want to go home, but Rachel had made it quite clear she did not wish to see his face ever again. He ended up stopping at the park, taking a seat on the park bench. If he stayed out alone all night, it was certain that something bad was going to happen, especially considering he had a homicidal stalker hanging about.

"What am I supposed to do...?"

"Feeling troubled, young man?"

"Hm?" Ken blinked, realizing he did not recognize the unfamiliar voice. He turned his head to the source, sitting right beside him.

"Hello there," The red-haired man next to him greeted with a polite smile.

Ken blinked again.

The men stared.

"...Hello." Considering the fact Ken had met Devils, Grim Reapers, and male magical girls standing 10-feet-tall, the strange, well-dressed, smiling man beside him was hardly the biggest surprise he suffered. "...You're not going to blast a hole through my chest or threaten to decapitate me, are you?"

The man's eyes widened. "What? Goodness no! Whatever gave you that impression?"

Ken shrugged. "I dunno." It was a lie, but it wasn't as though Ken could actually tell the man the truth.

Come to think of it, he had an odd appearance.

He was dressed like a man who was going to meet royalty. Not necessarily Japanese royalty though. His clothes looked more western in appearance and were certainly nothing you could buy at your local corner store. And his mid-length hair, tied back in a pony tail, was red...

No. "Red" wasn't an adequate enough of a description.

It was more crimson, like the color of blood.

"Is your hair real?" Was the immediate question asked.

"Hahaha!" The man, probably no older than his mid-twenties, seemed amused by the question. "I do get that question quite a bit in this country, but, I assure you, it is."

"Cool," Ken replied, surprising even himself by his lack of eagerness to continue the conversation. Usually, he could not shut up with pointless jokes, bits, and topics. But now...? He just felt too blue.

The man brushed his hair out of his face, staring at Ken sympathetically. "I was walking by when I noticed you sitting here, looking forlorn."

"Well, I _am_ sitting here...forlorn," Ken admitted, leaning back against the bench.

The man placed a gentle hand on Ken's shoulder, offering a kind smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ken looked from the hand on his shoulder to the crimson-haired man. "Are you a pedophile?"

"W-What?!" The man sputtered, staring in shock.

"Right, I'm sorry," Ken apologized. "It's just that, you approach a teenager sitting alone at night, place your hand on their shoulder despite not knowing them, and then ask "You want to talk?" I feel like it's some kind of playbook of a pedophile...You're NOT a pedophile, right? I already have one person after my sweet ass. I don't need another one, a man at that. If I'm going to do it against my will, I would prefer to be the person sticking it in."

A _very_ long and awkward silence ensued after that.

"Well," The crimson-haired man choked out after that-whatever it was-just happened, "first off, no. I am not a pedophile. I see a crying child on the park bench and I wish to help them solve the source of their anguish."

"Are you SURE you're not a-"

"No!" The man snapped, exasperated. "I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO LITTLE KIDS!" He paused, turning to see the random passerby giving him a curious (and judging) look before quickly running off, not waiting for the man to give an explanation. The man's head sank in defeat.

"Sorry," Ken apologized again, this time sincerely after seeing the crushed look on the man's face. "I tend to say things without thinking because it's more fun that way...That's actually why I'm here in the first place. My friends got mad at me..."

"What did you say?" The man asked, raising a brow.

Ken averted his eyes. "It's more like what I didn't say...I think...Look, the point is that we were in the middle of a tricky situation and I didn't treat it with the severity it required, so my friend got mad at me and now they hate me." He curled up into a ball, burying his face into his knees. "I know that things were serious, but I just wanted it to feel like we were a real club, a real group of friends. I just wanted us to be able to live and smile together because...because it's important. What's the point in living if we're just living everyday, boring lives or just lives filled with stress and despair. I just..."

"Why do you think you feel this way?" The man asked, earning Ken's attention. "You said it was a tricky situation. Why couldn't you handle it with the serious hands that you say it so desperately required? It's not very hard to imagine why your friends became so upset. If it is so serious, you could have at least maintained solemn silence. Why didn't you?"

"I don't know."

"There surely _must_ be a reason."

"Because..." Ken considered the question. He always did things without thinking about them much...He knew that the situation wasn't a joke. He knew full-well, first-hand, what Arianna was capable of. Why didn't he just shut up and listen to Rachel for once? Why didn't he focus on discussing a way to resolve their problem?...He knew the answer. He knew that he knew the answer...It was just too much for him to handle. He lowered his head again. "Because I'm afraid."

He was Ken Ichijou. He was NEVER afraid. OF ANYTHING.

But that day, the malice he felt was overwhelming.

A split-second before the agonizing pain, it was nauseating.

A feeling he had only felt once before only on a much greater scale.

And then he died.

"Everyone around me talks about revenge, fighting, and dying," Ken whimpered out. "They want to fight and fight until only one victor remains. Why...? Why is everyone so eager to rush off to die and kill like this...? Why doesn't anyone understand me? Those are the types of thoughts that pop into my head. I'm just a person who wants to be able to live a fun life and act like a goof every now and then."

"So that's the reason..." The crimson-haired man noted with interest. He gave a small smile. "You're a pretty pure child." He reached out a hand and tussled Ken's hair gently.

"Huh...?" Ken stared at the man curiously. The touch of his hand...it felt oddly reassuring. It was warm yet not intrusive.

"You just want to enjoy the world without hardship..." The man chuckled. "It's strange really...In a weird way, you remind me of someone I know. A great man. His desires were simple. Not necessarily clean, but simple, and a heart greater than any other. When the situation called for it, he had the loyalty of a dog and the bravery of a lion."

Ken scratched his cheek. "Well, personally, I think I have the loyalty of a laughing hyena and the bravery of a running, cross-eyed chicken-Bawkawk!" He made a wing-flapping gesture with his arms, earning a laugh from the man. Ken sighed, lowering his head. "I'm sorry. I'm deflecting with humor again."

"It's quite alright," The man said, amused. "Actually, when I think back on it, my friend did even _that_. From what my aunt told me, he had a lot of trouble outright admitting when he was hurt or troubled. He had this habit of diverting his focus to other things such as..." He paused, as if suddenly remembering Ken was underage. "...things I probably should not be talking to you about."

"Like what?" Ken asked. "Sex, drugs, and rock & roll?"

"The first one."

"Oh," Ken said, staring. "I already know about sex. Never HAD IT, but I know it. By my age, at least of the population has seen a breast or two. A few of them have even gotten to third base, sometimes even a home run." He paused, noticing the awkward look on the man's face. For most people, it _was_ odd discussing something like this in public. "Anyway, I'm not quite sure why you're talking to _me_ about this guy."

"Like I said," The man replied, "I can't help but see some similarity between you."

"I see..." Ken considered this, unfolding his legs. "This friend of yours...What would he have done in a situation like mine?"

The crimson-haired man thought on this for a few moments. "I think he would have just stood by his friends and weathered the storm. I don't mean to belittle your problems or anything. He was just that headstrong, but he would always work his hardest to ensure the best possible outcome."

"Hmmm..." Ken nodded after several moments, finally coming to a realization. "Thanks, Old Man." Ken stood up from his seat. "I think...I don't know what to think, but...I feel like I know where to start."

"Glad to hear it."

Ken placed his hands on his hips. "Tomorrow, I'm going to barge in and demand Rachel form a club with me!" He declared with a sparkling smile. "I will not take "no" for an answer!"

The man stared with half-lidded eyes. "That's...not quite what I was hoping you would get out of it, but...congratulations?"

Ken grinned. "I just gotta stop thinking about things and face the world with nothin' but gut-instinct! You're the best, Mr..." Ken trailed off, scratching his chin.

"Millicas," The man replied cheerfully. "Millicas Gremory."

"Alright," Ken bowed his head slightly. "Thank you, Millicas-san. This has really helped me a lot."

"Anytime," The crimson-haired man replied pleasantly, watching as Ken Ichijou vanished from his site. Once he was certain Ken was out of earshot, he let out a small laugh. "That's Kuoh Town, I suppose. Always playing host to interesting events and even more interesting individuals..."

* * *

Ken heaved a tired sigh as he kicked his shoes off at the entrance of his house.

"And where have _you_ been?!" Ken jumped at the sound of Chidori's voice.

He turned to face his younger twin, the girl staring with narrowed eyes and hands on her hips.

"Oh, you know, here and there," Ken replied evasively.

"Secretive behavior, staying out way past midnight, and the fact you aren't the type to get involved in drugs or gangs outside of the occasional brawl," Chidori wondered, leaning forward and giving her brother a probing look. "You've been having a love affair, haven't you!?"

"Nah," Ken denied, rubbing the back of his neck. "Trust me, I've tried. She's not interested."

"Idiot! Do you know how much I've been worrying about you?!" Chidori snapped. "You keep hanging out with that odd Astaroth girl and always come home in an odd state! Injured, cross-dressing in cosplay, and now you're wearing that weird frown on your face. You're NEVER frowning which leads me to suspect something bad happened!"

Ken's eyes widened at his sister's steely gaze.

"So, what do you have to say for yourself?!" Chidori's eye twitched at the smile that appeared on Ken's face. "Don't just brush this off as a joke! I'm serious! I'm-"

She was silence when Ken wrapped his arm around her, hugging her face against his chest. "You're such a serious baby sister, snaggletooth." He rubbed her head. "But I love ya~"

"H-Huh?!" Chidori's face flushed red. "C-Cut that out! You're acting really weird!"

"Not yet! I must hug you more and more!" Ken held her even more tightly, a more solemn look on his face. "I really do...I love all of you guys."

"Ken..." Chidori stared into Ken's eyes, noticing the usual mischievious light missing from his orbs. Still, his expression wasn't unpleasant. She smiled. "You're such a weirdo."

"Hehehehehehe~"

And so that night came to a close...

* * *

Next time on DxD:Neo - Volume 1 Life 8: The Familiar - Will Tame

* * *

I have something important to say:

.

.

.

Stands from JoJo's Bizarre Adventures Stardust Crusaders seem a lot like Personas.

In all seriousness, thanks for the reads and reviews!

Until next time!


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